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hyppachub · Mar 20, 2007, 08:33 AM

My boyfriend and I had been breaking up and getting back together quite a bit. Just recently, I broke up with him and we decided it was really over. I ended up going out to the bar and went home with one of his friends. His friend had told me that my boyfriend said that he is glad I ended it and hoped it would last. I was angry, sad, and drunk and I made a huge mistake because of it. I told my boyfriend what happened and he told me he never wanted to see me again. I have forgiven him for all the things he put me through and taken him back time and time again, but he's not willing to fogive me for this. I know that it was wrong of me, but we weren't together when it happened. I don't know what to say or do to change his mind. Please help!

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 20, 2007, 09:13 AM

Well, you have not cheated on him since the two of you had broken up but the thing is, you slept with one of his friends (correct me if I am wrong, is that what happened>? Apologies if I have got that wrong)

It must be a hard cookie to chew on when your ex sleeps with one of your friends and he is going to feel angry at that, especially at his so called friend. Thing is though at the end of the day, you did not cheat.

I would leave him alone and get on with your life, stay away from his friends. I have a sneaky suspicion that his friend saw that coming and used it to his advantage.

Take some me time out for you too!

Shawk · Mar 20, 2007, 09:15 AM

Oh common, this is one thing and one thing only,

Karma.

Wildcat21 · Mar 20, 2007, 09:16 AM

I wouldn't take you back either. Being drunk is no excuse. AND with one of his friends?? /

Your relatioinship is over. Cheating is always and ALWAYS should be a deal breaker. I still lthink it's cheating if you weren't completely over.

PLUS with one of his friends?? Creepy.

I'd never trust you again - he will never trust you again.

This NOT fixable. Move on. The friend thing will always be there.

phoenix1664 · Mar 20, 2007, 09:21 AM

Well you were single when you did and he should deal as you said you have forgiven him fopr things and taken him back yes I would be annoyed if my ex went with one of my friends but saying he never wants to see you again is over the top.

You shouold forget him and let him come around in his one time and live your life in the mean time.

I agree with Geoffersonairplane I think his friend knew you were shall we say voulnrable and took advantage.

Just take some U time and move on.

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 20, 2007, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I wouldn't take you back either. Being drunk is no excuse. AND with one of his friends???/

Your relatioinship is over. Cheating is always and ALWAYS should be a deal breaker. I stil lthink it's cheating if you weren't completely over.

PLUS with one of his friends????? Creepy.

I'd never tust you again - he will never trust you again.

This NOT fixable. Move on. The friend thing will always be there.

I'm not saying I disagree with you Wildcat, but was this cheating when they were officially broken up?

I don't condone what she did but just wanted to clarify if what she did constitutes cheating.

Regardless, Wildcat is right, you just don't do that with an ex's friend, it is just very cold and inconsiderate, and you can't blame alcohol for it. I don't think this is fixable and you should move on. There will be huge lack of trust even though you were not together at the time.

+ I think his friend is an a**ho*e because he took advantage of a delicate situation to get you into bed. There are plenty of people like him about. Not someone I would call a friend though.

By the way, I don't mean any disrespect to the poster in what I say here, I just say it because I think you should chalk this up to experience and move on..

kp2171 · Mar 20, 2007, 09:26 AM

You break it off with him and then you are mad at him for trying to accept what you did by stating he's glad its done? And now you are placing blame and guilt into his hands because he won't forgive you? You were drunk. You were mad. You are spending a lot of time here placing and deflecting blame and guilt to try to make yourself feel better.

You might have been separated, but that doesn't mean he was completely separated from you emotionally. You didn't "owe" him anything... if you want to sleep around or whatever you did, that's absolutely your call as a single person.

But you can't "make him" anything, and you can't grant forgiveness based on the other forgiving you for any future acts they might be hurt by.

You were separated. You went home with his friend. You were free to choose this. He's free to be done with you.

That simple. Sounds like you two were not healthy for each other at the end anyway.

So, instead of trying to deflect blame, you should be glad he had the guts to end a relationship that seems to be in a bad, bad cycle. Time to move on. And that's probably good for both of you.

whiteladybug2002 · Mar 20, 2007, 09:34 AM

Cheating is not always the END of a relationship, but in this case, I think you should consider it!

Sometimes men and women want what their friends have, whether it is a car, house, boat, or a girlfriend/ boyfriend, so when your bf's friend seen he had the chance... he took it! He should be ashamed of himself! Not saying that you are totally innocent in the whole event either!

I have been in the same boat as you now and it is not fun, but when I made the choice to "cheat", I also made the choice to move on! I knew if I did that then there was no going back and maybe deep down you thought the same?

Good Luck and God Loves You!

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 20, 2007, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by kp2171

you might have been separated, but that doesnt mean he was completely separated from you emotionally. you didnt "owe" him anything... if you want to sleep around or whatever you did, thats absolutely your call as a single person

I think there is a good point that was made above in that you did not cheat but you see, he was still emotionally attached to you.. There was not an appropriate time-scale between the breakup and you doing what you did.

In his eyes you are and always will be a cheater but please don't make that mistake again of sleeping with a friend of the ex for your own sake. Its your life but you really should learn from this one>>>BIG TIME!!

valinors_sorrow · Mar 20, 2007, 09:56 AM

This is an age old lesson about how it is never wise to have lovers who know each other, in any circumstances. Either sleep with unrelated people or make it clear to whom you sleep with that who you sleep with needs to remain totally private.

If he is not willing to forgive you, then the best you may get out of this is to learn the lesson. Like KP said, one cannot make someone else do, feel or think anything. The best we can hope to do is influence and you may have lost too much ground for that now.

cyrenasworld · Aug 2, 2007, 10:35 AM

Wow, you sure are taking a beating ! I'm going through a similar ordeal. Please, learn from the experience, cut your losses.

It's not the ending of the relationship that's hurting you so badly, its your guilt, you have to learn to forgive yourself

12starlight34 · Aug 10, 2012, 10:44 PM

Okay. I think you should call him back. If you broke up on good terms, you shouldn't have a problem to do that. Call him and if he answers, Ask him if you can meet some place. But give him some time to cool off before this. Then tell him everything you want to say. If he still isn't ready to forgive you, let it be... but don't give up just yet. Tell him why you did it. How sorry you are for it. Tell him that you don't expect to get back together but at least be friends... You don't have to be enemies. Tell him you have realised you hurt him and that you won't do it again. If he really ever had feelings for you, he should forgive you. Otherwise the guy is too much of a jerk for your time. What you did was wrong... but everyone deserves a second chance, especially if you forgave him so many times before