[Lacey19]

Im 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and recently me and my boyfriend haven't stopped arguing and it is really getting to me. It can be over anything no matter how big or small. It could be about him supporting me his work anything. I just want us to stop I want my boyfriend back. I can't keep arguing it is not good for the baby all I have done is cry.

PLEASE HELP ME.

[tinsign]

Hun who starts most of the arguments? I know your hormones all going haywire on you is no picnic for you... you are both probley stressed right now with a baby coming... now the two of you need to sit down and really talk out what you are actually arguing about even.
What you have toild us isn't a lot to go on so I worked with it best I could.

[Lacey19]

Mainly me but I'm not going to take all the blame. It could be about a doctors appointment and he didn't come with me or didn't ask to come with me or him winding me up and annoying me even though I told him to stop. Sorting out a place to live or his work.

Will the arguing stop. His now telling me that if we keep arguing like we are doing then he can't see us living together. I need all the support I can get I can't cope alone.

I just want some us time. I even suggested Cinema but he said no we are meant to be saving. Its our relationship that needs saving the most at the moment.

[tinsign]

Okay hun here's what you do.. before the next fight you think before you say anything.. (if only all people did that) You walk out of the room for a few to calm down then you talk with him when you have yourself collected...
As for your future husband... he is saying if it continues he will live alone.. Jokes on him hun.. he has 18 long years of you in his life now.. he didn't mind one bit making a baby with you so yes you tell him I said to go to CLASSES FOR SOON TO BE PARENTS
It is good he wants to save for baby but tell him I suggest some fun also for the two of you.
Also tell him that he too is not perfect and nobody is 100% correct.

[Lacey19]

I'm scared he doesn't love me any more... Its been messing with my head so much I keep thinking to myself should I go through with having this baby and I don't want to be thinking like that.

[J_9]

First of all, I see some red flags here. Let me try to gently point them out, remember I have had 4 kiddos, my oldest will soon be 21 and my youngest just turned 5.

It could be about a doctors appointment and he didnt come with me

Why does he have to go with you? I know that it is all exciting for you, and you want him to enjoy this time, but men don't like to go to the doctor, for themselves or anyone. Be truthful here when you think about this question I am going to ask.

How many men do you actually see in the OBs office when you go for your visits? The only visit he should really go with you would be the ultrasound.

didnt ask to come with me

Men don't think like this. They don't need someone to hold their hand when they go somewhere, so they don't think that we do in fact want them to go with us. He is just being a man.

or him winding me up and annoying me even though i told him to stop.

You need to stop and think about why he is winding you up. Is he really doing something different than before you were pregnant? Or are these pregnancy hormones getting you wound up?

Also, who are you to tell him to stop? He already has a mother and he may feel like you are treating him like a child.

Will the arguing stop.

Most likely it will. But it will take some reflection on your part as to why this is really happening.

His now telling me that if we keep arguing like we are doing then he can't see us living together.

Do you blame him? Really? How would you feel if he made such demands on you all of the sudden?

I need all the support i can get i can't cope alone.

That sentence says it all to me. This is why I always advise that 2 people should be married for a few years before a baby is brought into the picture. See it is much easier to walk away if you are not married. Much harder and more expensive if there is a marriage license involved.

It takes a couple years to get to know each other and having a baby early in a relationship is always difficult.

Now, go to your doctor's appointments, he does not have to go with you to hold your hand. Just talk with him about the ultrasound, I am sure he will agree to go with you so that he can see the baby.

Also, he may be scared. Scared of being tied down for the rest of his life. Scared that he may not be a good father. Scared that he cannot provide security for his new family.

Men do not talk about their fears. As bad as it is, they hold their fears in.

[Lacey19]

If he is winding me up why can't I ask him to stop he did it before I was pregnant and he still does it. I had a misscarriage before and was very scared about going to the doctor I was scared of what the doctor would have said and a bit of support and someone to told my hand ould have been grateful he knows about my past all I wanted was him to be there. I have not sat here and said its all his fault because I know it isn't I just feel so alone at the moment because all he is worrying about is work etc I want us to be able to enjoy it.

Its not always been like this we normally get on really well. Ok so yeah the baby wasn't planned and yes we were engaged before I fell pregnant and yes this is hard but I am trying so much at the moment

[J_9]

Hun, I understand what you are going through. I truly do. But men don't, and we can't expect them to.

He is going through emotions of his own right now. As I said, he may be fearful that he cannot provide enough for you and the baby. So, he is deep in his work.

All I see here is "I"

I want us to be able to enjoy it.

He knows about my past

He is winding me up

Why can't I ask him to stop

Do you see the pattern here?

Us women live on emotions, our men on the other hand live on logic.

You may be afraid because of your miscarriage, he knows of your past, but did he experience it? Were you two together when you suffered your loss? If the answer is no, then he simply knows your fears, but has not experienced them firsthand. So he does not know of the emotion involved with losing a baby. He has not experienced that loss.

You two have to sit down and discuss, compromise.

He is afraid that he cannot support you, so what does he do? Instead of working out of emotion, he works out of logic. He is worring about work.

So, give him a break, and I am sure he will give you a break too. Don't be so demanding on him. He is scared too, but in a different way.

We cannot expect our men to think the same way we think.

Sit down and have a talk with him. You may be surprised what you find out.