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smkanand · Mar 4, 2013, 09:07 AM

We were high-school sweethearts. First love of each other. Later he had gone to other city for further studies but we had a lovely long distance relationship. He used to visit thrice a year. Later after 5 years he didn't said a word and stop talking. We never broke up. In the mean time I tried to forget him. In 2008 he came and smiled at me. Few weeks later I heard he died in a terrible accident. I felt terrible, there was a friend I shared my grief but she was hardly in mood to listen. Since then I feel so helpless and in pain that I will never get over his memories. I feel that I will never be able to get into any relationship with same intensity. I haven't dated or even think about anybody else since 2004. I work, enjoy with friends and family but when it comes to love, I'm stuck. Help me guys!

pardawg45 · Mar 4, 2013, 12:45 PM

I am sorry to hear that, it is hard to get over someone you invested that much time in, especially when there was no closure in the relationship, you just stopped seeing each other. I am not a grief expert or counselor, but something you can do is find a way to get closure on the relationship. You could visit the grave or talk to some of his friends/family about him. Just something to have and feel close to and to see that he is not here anymore. I understand that it will be tough, but having closure is the most important thing you can get.

smkanand · Mar 5, 2013, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by pardawg45

I am sorry to hear that, it is hard to get over someone you invested that much time in, especially when there was no closure in the relationship, you just stopped seeing each other. I am not a grief expert or counselor, but something you can do is find a way to get closure on the relationship. You could visit the grave or talk to some of his friends/family about him. Just something to have and feel close to and to see that he is not here anymore. I understand that it will be tough, but having closure is the most important thing you can get.

Thanks, I'm feeling the same. Since last few days I feel to talk with one of his friend who knew about us and also friends of mine. He was closest to my boyfriend and I feel that this guy persuaded my boyfriend to stay away from me. Now there is he only knew about relationship and I have this terrible feeling to talk with him. I think a burden will be lift from my heart if I will talk to him. There is another thing, should I told about my ex to my future partner, will he be sensitive enough to understand me?

pardawg45 · Mar 6, 2013, 10:33 AM

I am a firm believer is being open to new bf/gf about exes. I don't believe in hiding anything, just be sure to not talk about them all the time, mention them once and let it go, because if you keep talking about your ex, your new bf/gf will think you are not over them.

joypulv · Mar 6, 2013, 11:25 AM

I believe that you are suffering more from guilt than grief. Perhaps you would be willing to talk about what you feel the connection is between him showing up, smiling, and dying not long after. He hadn't bothered to even contact you for 5 years? How long had it been if not 5?
You need to talk to someone about feeling like it was your fault. You can talk to us if you want.

smkanand · Mar 9, 2013, 11:02 AM

May be your right, I feel guilty. He stopped talking to me and then I cried a lot. Not always but whenever I missed him. In 2006 when my grandfather died, I missed him terribly. I wish if he was there to talk. Yes, he never bother to contact me for 5 years. I was badly hurt. He might have a girlfriend in other city but I never doubted him. I cried a lot and asked why me God? Then after some time pass I said thank God! It happened now, what if would have happened after we being married? When he came back and smiled at me shamelessly, I felt humiliated, cheated and hurt again. It was like he was making fun of my emotions. I again cried, not slept for many nights and pray to God... that the way he cheated and hurt me, I wish he will also get cheated which he believes most. I'm sorry, I even think like that!
Thing is he died when was he coming back to see his family last time before going to commercial pilot training. That was just within 2 weeks when I last saw him.

joypulv · Mar 12, 2013, 07:57 AM

I hope you can realize someday that you have nothing to feel guilty about. I'll bet his family thinks of this over and over, because he went home to see THEM specifically! But what doesn't kill us one way kills us another. He could have died in pilot training, or crossing the street, or eating bad food, or being in the middle of a shooting as an innocent bystander - the list goes on into infinity. At least he got to see you and smile. Maybe he missed you, maybe he didn't. You will never know. A man who didn't contact me for 5 years, however, wouldn't be a man who was interested in me anymore. I'm sorry for your loss.

smkanand · Mar 13, 2013, 04:41 AM

Thanks, joypulv, I also thinks that he was not interested anymore which makes me feel better.

coop500 · Mar 16, 2013, 11:13 AM

I'm terribly sorry for your loss ma'am but I don't know what to say to make you feel better, I don't know how it is to loss someone yet but it pains me to hear about it . I wish I could help.

smkanand · Mar 16, 2013, 11:41 AM

Thanks coop500, I guess we have to bear what we are connected to. It's part of "kismat" even if you haven't done anything, one has to bear it.