[MNNEPAL27]

Okay so you are probably wondering why I am even asking this, but truly what are the real reasons people divorce? I can see substantial resasons such as a mate, verbally, sexually, mentally, physically abusing you. Or even constant drug, or alcohol usage and someone who isn't willing to change?

I have had many friends over time who married young or married quickly and then later got divorced. Sometimes it's a logical reason and sometimes it's over something stupid. There are so many divorces out there today, but is the real cause of them?

I am newly married 8 months to be exact. I saw my parents through divorce twice for my dad. IT was a heartbreaker. I had the fear of marriage and taking the risk was my thing to do. I had to get over the common statement that the public always states " If your parents marriage fails, you have a good chance that yours will fail as well"!

Hello! I say NOT! I vowed to myself and told my husband before we got married that if you are going to marry me you are going to be committed. There are only a few reason why I would ever leave or allow you to leave. I am a committed person if you do not want to invest in this relationship, you better go now.

I was serious, I meant business, and I didn't want fool around. Our relationship is strong. I know what he does, doesn't do, and vise versa. WE have our jokes. I do not have any insecurities with him because he accepts me for who I am and what I am. He told me that he will be with me for a lifetime and to never forget it. We have our problems, but it's about working it out, communication and acceptance and understanding. Not to mention honestly, and truth.

After a year is going to go down hill. I believe not. WE believe not. We have talked about this many times. I believe anything can work if you truly make it work and it's just not about one person doing all the work, it's about team work and tackling it together.

DIvorce honetley it doesn't have to happen. Communication is the key to all successful realtionships along with love.

I just wanted to put my opinion and thoughts out there. I know sometimes things feel hopeless, but I believe marriage does work, if both of you put your heart and soul into it. :o

[shygrneyzs]

There are many who agree with you - that no marriage is impossible to save. But both husband and wife have to be willing to work on the relationship. I think that is where the rub lies. If one gives 100% and the other one takes 100% - where is the balance? The one who gives gets worn out and dries up like the proverbial well.

Nothing should be impossible to overcome. People get tired of trying, people get bored with the relationship, interests change, people grow apart and just say to heck with it all. It is hard to be the one way street in the two way relationship. That is where people develop despair, anger, hurt, resentment, fear, you name it...

I agree with you when you say, "both of you put your heart and soul into it", the word "both" being the operative word.

[phillysteakandcheese]

DIvorce honetley it doesn't have to happen. Communication is the key to all successful realtionships along with love. :o

I think this is the key factor - Love.

A relationship where there is no longer any love between a couple is doomed and can't be saved. A couple might stay together for financial reasons, or to put up appearances, or even stay together just out of fear of being alone in their old age, but the marriage is dead at that point and nothing but a legal contract binding two individuals.

People definitely grow apart. Loose their passion for their partner. Fall out of love.

If I can offer any tangible advice, it's to know yourself and your partner before getting married. You might still grow apart, but at least you enter the marriage with a sense of where your life if taking you and how compatible your partner will be in that journey.

[MNNEPAL27]

Okay but when you get married to the person are you technically supposed to be in love with them already? I mean how can some one fall out of love with someone if they were in love with them to begin with? I guess anything can happen.

[Tuscany]

I agree with you. A relationship can overcome a great deal as long as both people are willing to work on it AND are communicating with each other in a productive manner. As Shy said if one is giving and other other is only taking, it is hard to meet in the middle. I have seen people who say they grow apart and fall out of love. But, I think that when that happens, it is because of a breakdown in communication.

A long lasting relationship can stay that way, as long as both members communicate their wants, their needs, and their desires AND listens to their partner's wants, needs and desires.

[gypsy456]

Love is important, to begin with.. but it is not always enough...

I think that marriage is a lot of hard work and both partners should be dedicated to their relationship... it's more than a ring on the finger, it's more than a big wedding party... that's all exterior.

Marriage begins from the moment the wedding bouquet has dried up... the reality kicks in and I think that the first year of marriage is the hardest... that's my idea.
It's about finding your place in the relationship, no matter whether you lived together before or have been together for years.

But it's about wanting to be with that person, working on the relationship, being aware that you want to be with that person... and acceptance.

Acceptance is incredibly important... we cannot change other people and we should not even try to do so... somebody only changes if they want that themselves.
So accept... accept all nice and all not-so-nice things of the partner...

It's hard work, but I think that it's worth it.

It's about communicating... and it's about listening.

Listening is equally as important as anything else...
Sometimes "just listening" is very very important in a relationship.

And the daily hug, a Real Hug... not a quick hug or a pat on the shoulder.
But every day... look each other in the eyes and feel that connection.

That's how we try to keep our marriage good.. :)

[Marily]

Very well said, I agree 100%