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MMG1173 · Mar 19, 2007, 09:19 AM

I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year - knew him when I was a teenager though - got back in touch early last year & been together ever since. While we were out of touch, we both married & divorced, had several relationships I'm sure... but yesterday (we live together), we came home to a notice from the post office that he had a certified letter waiting for him. He went to pick it up this morning. He called to let me know that it's a summons for a paternity test. From what he tells me, he slept with this girl 4-5 years ago - I'm not sure what the nature of their relationship was (fling, steady thing, etc.) but he remembers her saying she was pregnant - not necessarily that it was his. He never heard anything else about it. This girl lived near my boyfriend's father at the time.

Now, don't you think if she had a child by my boyfriend that long ago that he would have heard about it before now? Especially seeing that she lived in the same neighborhood as his father?

I'm just wondering what we should do. I'm assuming that the easiest thing would be to just get the paternity test done, wait for the results & go from there. But if it comes back that he's the father, what about back child support? Is he responsible for that, having no knowledge of the presence of a child at all? He was very easily traceable, I doubt that she even attempted it.

I guess I'm just kind of rambling here - not sure what to do next.

ScottGem · Mar 19, 2007, 09:26 AM

You don't do anything yet except show up for the paternity test. Once the results are in, then you decide on the next step. If he isn't the father the matter is dropped as far as he's concerned. If he is, then he will proably have to pay child support. He can then decide whether he wants to be a part of the child's life or not.

As for the time lag, there could be a number of reasons for it. The mother may have tried to make it on her own but couldn't so she applied for public assistance. Before they grant it, they would require finding the father and getting support from him. That's the most likely scenario. Could be that she consulted an attorney and this is the attorney's advice.

I would not even concern myself with the time lag. It really has no issue except if your boyfriend is the father and is being hit hard for back support. At that point, his defense would be that he was never made aware that he was potentially, the father.

MMG1173 · Mar 19, 2007, 09:42 AM

Thanks for such a quick reply. He was just going over the paperwork with me over the phone & it does say she applied for public assistance. We're just completely blind-sided with all this. I'll keep you up to date on this... thanks again.

ScottGem · Mar 19, 2007, 10:33 AM

Ok, they probably required her to list all potential fathers. And paternity test notices were sent to each.

I wouldn't get too concerned about this until the test comes back.

millec · Mar 19, 2007, 11:09 AM

There is a possibility that she had another guy believing/thinking that he was the father and they just recently found out that he's not and now she's trying to find out who is. Your boyfriend may not be the only one that got this letter.

MMG1173 · Mar 19, 2007, 11:20 AM

That was my thought as well. I guess I feel for the child more than anything. Pathetic situation really. I've since talked to my boyfriend about it again... they were just a fling. He said when she found out that she was pregnant, she hinted that it was his.. then 'hinted' again after the baby was born. I don't know about anyone else, but if I thought the guy was the father I would have done more than hinted.. and long before 4 1/2 years passed. I told him that chances are if she had that sort of fling relationship with him, that she probably had it with others as well. There was more on the paperwork too... it's a little boy, just turned 4 in November. I almost wish I didn't have personal information, makes me a little more emotional about the whole thing. I know his name, birthday, address, phone number... all that was on the paperwork that he received this morning.

My boyfriend & I have discussed children, both of us want at least one... he's 30, I'm 33... been thinking lately that maybe it's time to do something about it... I guess this will put that on hold for a bit.

MMG1173 · Mar 19, 2007, 02:23 PM

Ok, I've looked over the paperwork myself now. It's a summons, saying he's being sued for child support. It goes on to state that he IS the father, when the child was conceived, born, etc.

I guess what happens next is to get a lawyer (more than likely court-appointed because we have no money) & to request a paternity test.

Our lives are all of a sudden upside down! Wish us luck... I'll keep you posted.

ScottGem · Mar 19, 2007, 04:50 PM

Ok, Its not saying that they require a paternity test? Then yes you need to insist on one. If they are suing you, they should pay for it. And yes, I would get a lawyer.

army4life · Apr 8, 2007, 03:08 AM

They can request a dna test anytime. My father (sperm doner) as I call him filed for one. I took a DNA test 3 days before I turned 18years old

Fr_Chuck · Apr 8, 2007, 08:51 AM

Yes he needs an attorney, and he needs to get a DNA test, what has happened is that she did not want for what ever reason, him to be part of the child's ife.

So when she filed for some social service, they require that the father be found and pay support to pay the state back, So they will be coming after support and also back support. This is being done not because the mother most likely wants it, but because the state is requring it.

So you need an attorney who will first get the DNA test and if it is his,next be sure he gets visitation with his child and fair child support

MMG1173 · Apr 24, 2007, 10:46 AM

So... the results are in!

We got the order from the court for a paternity test before we ever contacted anyone.

Summons was received March 19th.
Paternity Test was done on April 9.
We were informed that we were assigned to a court-appointed attorney on April 11th.
Paternity Test results came back NEGATIVE on April 18th.

ScottGem · Apr 24, 2007, 10:52 AM

Alls well that ends well (except maybe for the child). You may still have to go to court to get the case dismissed, but that should be just a formality.

Now the mom has to go after any other potential fathers.

MMG1173 · Apr 24, 2007, 12:09 PM

We definitely feel for the child. This wasn't the result we expected, nor did we expect to get it so soon!

We received something in the mail yesterday from the court. Everything is dimissed.