[shannonycd]

My ex husband left me & my 3 kids 10 years ago. He disappeared without a trace, and has never had contact since. I have recently tracked him down and he is living with a woman who has an extensive criminal record. I want a divorce but I am afraid he would try to get visitation just to hurt me. I want to wait until my kids are old enough to decide themselves. My current boyfriend went behind my back and contacted my ex's criminal girlfriend to try to expedite this process. He knew my feelings, knew I would say no and did it anyway! I feel like he opened a can of worms and I am now afraid for my kids. He doesn't think he did anything wrong! Am I the crazy one here or do I have a right to be mad?

[Fr_Chuck]

No, someone needs to do the right thing.

1. custody and visitation should have been filed when he left, like that week.
2. of course he will threaten to do all kids of things
3. he has legal right to ask for visitation tomorrow if he wanted to

Divorce and child custody are two different things. He can file for visits any time he wants, divorce or no divorce.

If anyone should be mad,it is boyfriend for you not willing to divorce

[shannonycd]

No, someone needs to do the right thing.

1. custody and visitation should have been filed when he left, like that week.
2. of course he will threaten to do all kids of things
3. he has legal right to ask for visitation tomorrow if he wanted to

Divorce and child custody are two different things. he can file for visits any time he wants, divorce or no divorce.

If anyone should be mad,it is boyfriend for you not willing to divorce

Chuck,
Your right, my boyfriend can be mad at me for taking more than the two months he was willing to give me to start the process. But maybe I didn't give you enough detail. The right thing to do back when my husband left was done by me. I filed for support and he left. Not just left and I saw him from time to time at the grocery store, but left as in he went underground and hid from me, our children and his financial responsibility. Our case was given to the "parent locator division" of the court. He was never found and after a few years we just gave up. You should also know that my oldest is the only one who remembered him and was destroyed when he left. I have never spoken ill of him to my children, knowing someday they might have a relationship with him. As they are getting older they have no interest in seeing him but they are not old enough to make that decision in the eyes of the court. My one son is afraid of everything and I fear it would be detrimental to his well being if he was forced to go. You should know that my ex lives 700 miles from me so visitation would not just be dinner afterschool. One last thing, my boyfriend's divorce has taken 7 years. I was not happy about the shenanigans that took place, but I gave him the space to do it on his own with his ex-wife. My patience always came from his declaration that after his divorce was done, he would show me the same understanding. Does anyone really have a right to bring a legal battle to your door, when your not ready for it?