[NL1752]

Hi all. I just had a quick question for anyone that has been through, or knows someone that has gone through something like this. Or even if you have an opinion. Any of them work. Basically I dated a girl when I was 17. I'm currently 23 (turned 23 a few days ago) she's a year younger. I was best friends with this girl in high school for a year and a half before we started dating. Before we started dating, she was dating a guy on my hockey team. I'll let it be known I liked her the moment I met her.

There were a few situations where she broke up with this guy, and I set them back up knowing it would destroy me, but just that I wanted her to be happy. After they were done for good, I waited for her to be ready talk while also having a few other girls who made it very clear they had wanted to talk or date me at the time. To me she was worth it. I didn't know what it meant then but I loved her very much. We dated for almost a year, and it ended due to various reasons, a lot of it having to do with outside sources although not all.

We were in contact again a few years later when I was 19. She was with another guy, and I wanted to get together to talk. I wanted to tell her all these things her friend told her were untrue. How much I realized then that I loved her. That I was 17 and I didn't know better. I made it very clear it was not my intention to break her and her boyfriend up, I just wanted to let her know that she truly was my first love. She wanted to very much, even saying she missed me, but felt uncomfortable due to having a boyfriend so I delegated not to say anything through a message or the like.

My question is this. 2 years later, I still feel as strongly for her as I did then. I've had several girlfriends. Even more short term flings and things like that. She has a different boyfriend... not sure how long they've dated. But I have a letter that I wrote up as kind of a relief thing to get some of my thoughts on paper. It explains everything. Tells her exactly how I feel. I'm curious if anyone has had experience with things like this and has or hasn't sent the letter, or whatever form it took for you, or if you kept it to yourself. I have this long out of respect for her. I love her. I know that now and I want her to be happy. I'm afraid it would confuse her, cause her to second guess what she has or things like that. Are girls happy knowing things like this or does it cause issues? I'm just curious if anyone has any input. Thanks a lot for any help or advice in advance.

[NL1752]

No one? Eh?

[Oliver2011]

Through this whole thing she has had several boyfriends that didn't include you. Does she have your contact info and do you all live in the same town? If she does then she might be giving you your answer now. It might be time to move your life forward.

This is strictly my opinion but I am against tampering when two people are together as a couple.

[NL1752]

Through this whole thing she has had several boyfriends that didn't include you. Does she have your contact info and do you all live in the same town? If she does then she might be giving you your answer now. It might be time to move your life forward.

This is strictly my opinion but I am against tampering when two people are together as a couple.

Negative. Throughout this whole thing I'm the one that has had several girlfriends and more short term things. As for her I know of only 2 that were kind of longer term.

I do agree though. I don't like tampering with people that are together. It's the reason I didn't say anything a few years ago. It's the reason I'm so hesitant now. The only reason I'm considering it is I make it very clear I'm not looking to break them up or cause issues. My worry is it still would regardless of what my intentions are. Hence my question. I believe in karma so.

[Fr_Chuck]

After all this time, it is not longer a healthy memory but an obsession and really not healthy for anyone. Also you seem too worried about how others feel than yourself,
* you helped her get back with other boyfriend?
* did not tell her how you felt.
If you don't tell her how you feel she will never know, But a first love is great, I remember Wendy like it was yesterday, But I remember the Wendy from years ago, not the wendy today.
So you are in love with a memory or perhaps even what you dream of it being, not the real life facts of what it is today.

I would seriously recommend counseling to see why this obsession is here.

[JudyKayTee]

I agree - this borders on obsession. Two years later you're writing letters explaining anything - ?

[NL1752]

No this was a letter that I wrote years ago. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. I seriously doubt it's any sort of obsession lol. I don't let her or anything I feel about the situation get in the way of the future or anything else. I just got done talking to a girl from work. Again I'm sorry if it came off that way. I really am not writing "How can I get her back" or "I can't stop thinking about her". I guess the thing that I have a problem with is the things that we both 'think' did or didn't happen. I'd like to clear the air up like I always wanted to, hence asking if it's a good idea or not. Personally, considering I haven't said anything for this long, I thought it was a bad idea. But I figured I'd ask.

Helping her get back with her boyfriend was well before we even began dating. I liked her then, and with any other girl I would've been angry, but because we were very good friends at the time I just wanted her to be happy. I was using that as an example of, although I didn't know it then, I know that I loved her. But no... I really don't think this is an obsession. I've seen those with other people. I'm not that kind of person.

[JudyKayTee]

This sounds like a letter written now about how you feel, not how you felt. That's the cause of my confusion.

You said you feel the same about her today as you did two years ago - ?

"My question is this. 2 years later, I still feel as strongly for her as I did then. I've had several girlfriends. Even more short term flings and things like that. She has a different boyfriend...not sure how long they've dated. But I have a letter that I wrote up as kind of a relief thing to get some of my thoughts on paper. It explains everything. Tells her exactly how I feel."

[NL1752]

Yeah I didn't mean it in THAT way I guess if that makes sense. Kind of why I dislike explaining things like this. I try to keep the post as small as possible and things are left out or something is misunderstood. I do feel the same in terms that I love her. I know I do. It's more important to me for her to be happy then for me to get what I want. That's why I'm here asking this, because I'm curious if anyone has gone through this and the repercussions it had. No I'm not crying over her at night, wondering why I can't be with her, not allowing myself to move on to someone else, asking you guys ways I can get her back etc. Whatever comes with an "obsession". As I said.. I'm not that guy. I have no idea what it entails. To me I've had a lot of girlfriends, and none that I liked as much as her. I want her to know that, but not if it causes problems. That's basically what I was saying.

[Jiser]

I still remember my first girlfriend 'first love'. It was a nice few months. She was 17 I was 20. That was 7 years ago now. Took me a long time to get over it but I did. Recently added her on Facebook. Not ageing that well but I felt little but a bit of nostalgia.

Are you still in touch as friends or is this some sort of contact every few years sort of thing? If you never speak you need to move on my friend :) Let sleeping dogs lie.

[jcan12]

U know what I have delt with this myself tell her how you fell chances are she fells the same way and even if she don't it might be weird at first but if she don't there is a 90 percent chance it will make your friendship stronger that's from my exp. Just try it you need to get this off your chest other wise you will wonder what would have happened if you would have tole her

[JudyKayTee]

Please stop using text speak - it makes it very difficult to take you seriously.


What is it that he should tell "her?" He says he's moved on - ?