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    katrina jane higgo's Avatar
    katrina jane higgo Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 18, 2007, 12:23 PM
    What do you think . Once a cheater and liar always one.
    Do you think people can go from always lying and cheating on women to being with one and faithful and happy with just one instead of two or more... love love love need your opinions:confused:
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
     
    #2

    Mar 18, 2007, 12:30 PM
    More than an opinion, I have seen people overcome just about everything imaginable, including cheating and lying. I have overcome some stuff too.

    But in most cases, it took hitting a kind of bottom where they felt a huge burning desire, sought outside help of some sort and found an ongoing longterm support system to achieve that kind of transformation. Anyone who has experienced a change on this magnitude almost always claims that hard work was necessary but it was worth it too. Because of what I have seen, I am inclined to say as long as a person is alive there is hope for a solution, a change-- but you don't ever find me making plans based on that hope because I am practical too.

    With that said, I also see many people with problems who never attempt to change and manage to live with all sorts of crappy effects instead. Determining which path a person is taking requires keen observation and feet planted firmly in reality.
    sypher373's Avatar
    sypher373 Posts: 360, Reputation: 38
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    #3

    Mar 18, 2007, 12:33 PM
    I would say its possible, but definitely would take a LONG time...
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #4

    Mar 18, 2007, 10:35 PM
    It's like the lottery. I've seen it happen a few times, but I'd never expect it to happen to me and would make decisions accordingly.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Mar 19, 2007, 07:26 AM
    If they truly want to change they will, but not only does it take time, but a lot of honest hard work. Till they reach that point they are very bd relationship choices.
    vlee's Avatar
    vlee Posts: 454, Reputation: 109
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    #6

    Mar 19, 2007, 07:29 AM
    I am not saying it is impossible, but unlikely. I wouldn't bank on it.
    Squiffy's Avatar
    Squiffy Posts: 499, Reputation: 84
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    #7

    Mar 19, 2007, 07:32 AM
    I wouldn't enter a relationship with a known cheater.
    robertsqueen's Avatar
    robertsqueen Posts: 376, Reputation: 43
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    #8

    Mar 19, 2007, 07:38 AM
    When we were in high school my husband was a drug attict/drinker, thief and he cheated on me. Now he is a wonderful husband and father... so yes I do believe that people can change, if they want to and they are willing to work at it.
    tishee_76's Avatar
    tishee_76 Posts: 64, Reputation: 4
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    #9

    Mar 19, 2007, 07:46 AM
    Hi katrina

    In my experience, Admiting they have a problem, asking for help coupling with taking affirmative ACTION (not just words) is positive behaviour towards a person trying to overcome their demons and restore a healthy lifestyle..
    Until you see any of this behaviour forming, yes to all the answers above!

    You can't help someone who won't help themselves... (unfortunately)
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #10

    Mar 19, 2007, 10:08 AM
    Personally. I think it's in their genes AND they way they were brought up.

    Cheater tend to have parents who cheated/divorced. They don't understand loving relationships.
    robertsqueen's Avatar
    robertsqueen Posts: 376, Reputation: 43
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    #11

    Mar 19, 2007, 11:48 AM
    I have to disagree... my husband was brought up in an abusive home and he never laid his hands on me. Having parents that do that and blaming them for it. That is a cope out.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #12

    Mar 19, 2007, 12:46 PM
    I am talking cheating.

    Abuse is something very different. Did we say abuse?
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
     
    #13

    Mar 19, 2007, 12:59 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wildcat21
    Personally. I think it's in their genes AND they way they were brought up.

    Cheater tend to hav parents who cheated/divorced. They don't understand loving relationships.
    If only it were that simple.

    My husband was raised by parents who appear to have not ever cheated, but he cheated in his first marriage, then learned his lesson and hasn't cheated since. I believe him too because I know about how personal growth like that takes place. Its hard to fake that kind of stuff longterm. I, on the other hand, was raised by parents who both cheated and have yet to cheat myself, nor has my sister, but my brother has. I can site dozens more examples that make it clear its not nearly so cut and dried.

    While coming from a dysfunctional family doesn't help (and cheating is but one factor in that dysfunction too) it is not an absolute predictor of who will seek personal improvement and who won't before or after something becomes a problem. I agree that many who have cheating parents may not know what a loving relationship is but one can learn, can't they? It stands to reason that if it really were in the genes, scientists would be all over it by now. LOL
    lovehurts299's Avatar
    lovehurts299 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Mar 19, 2007, 01:10 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by katrina jane higgo
    do you think people can go from always lieing and cheating on women to being with one and faithful and happy with just one instead of two or more... love love love need ur opinions:confused:
    Sweetie believe me when I say once a liar and cheater allways one... players never change I was sure with love and care I will change my ex and he will never lie again... lol he head lied over and over again

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