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jemm · Jul 23, 2004, 06:02 AM

Do you need to have a lawyer present in court when you petitoned the father of your child for sole custody? My ex- boyfriend is in a drug rehab but before he went in he cheated on me and fathered a chiled with another woman. So I am having him served for custody. He said he would not fight me on the issue, but I would like to know if I need a lawyer. Please help.

Thank you to anyone who can answer.
JEMM

Jahiem28 · Jul 29, 2004, 11:38 PM

Hi No you don't need a lawyer in a custody case 95% of the time. The mother is always awarded custody unless the mom is unfit to care for the child. GOOD LUCK
The kids are our future put our trust in them!!

jemm · Jul 30, 2004, 06:10 AM

Thank you so much for your answer. I have been checking every day. I was so afraid that I would show up in court with out a lawyer and look like a fool. I wanted to make sure I didn't mess anything up. I love my daughter so much and do not want anything to go wrong. Again thank you for the answer.

Scorpio848 · Jul 30, 2004, 07:52 AM

Jahiem is extremely wrong. In this day and age, the father wins more often than people would think. My cousin just went through a custody battle with her ex-husband and she even had a lawyer. They gave their daughter to the dad. I agree it was the right choice, but that's not the point. Dad's do win.

That being said, I don't think you have to worry. If he has a drug history the courts will be more than happy to give you custody, provided, you do not have the same history.

Every court, by law, has to have a help center. Call the courts and they will direct you to the appropriate department. I obtained free help with my divorce and custody filing. They did not provide me a lawyer, but the help with all their stupid paperwork was a huge help.

Good luck, and best wishes for your ex. I hope he cleans up.

Scorpio

jemm · Jul 30, 2004, 09:02 AM

Thank you Scorpio for your input on the situation. I do not have the same history as the ex. He actually has a jail history and reaccuring visit to rehabs. When I first met him he was in recovery. Relapse after relapse I had to end it. I too wish him the best in cleaning up his act. I want him to be part of our daughters life. I did get help from the court when I was filing all the paper work. I just didn't want to go to court and look like a stupid idiot. That's why I wanted to know if I needed a lawyer. What kind of questions does the judge ask? I am a nrevous reck about the whole thing. Like I said the ex said he would not fight me on the issue he said he supported my decision. I don't want to go into the court ful of emotions. I just want everything to be right.
So if you could let me know how the custody hearing works that would be great.
Ljemm

Scorpio848 · Jul 30, 2004, 09:20 AM

Well, first of all, I am in California, so I do not know how it may work anywhere else. But, the whole thing was really simple. You go in and hear all the crap they have to say about court rules, and then you wait until they call your name. When they do, you go up to the judge and wait for him to ask you what's going on. Speak only when spoken to. Judges have a huge superiority complex. :) If your ex is going too, both of you will be called up. If your boyfriend does not dispute custody then it is very simple and quick. In my case, I was asking for sole custody with no visitation rights and a restraining order. The judge asked me why and I told him. It is because my ex husband is in federal prison for the next 15 years. He's a loser. Lol
And that was it. Custody granted. He was already on to the next case before I could get out of the court room. I know it seems intimidating. But the whole process is fairly quick. The only issue you may have to be concerned about is whether or not he wants visitation and if you are willing to give it to him. Also, there is the child support issue. I can not tell you how that works as I didn't ask for any. But if you are, I believe they go by income from both parties and they will ask each party to submit financial information. If you have already done that, then the judge will make a decision right then and there and tell you who has to pay and how much. Don't be too worried. The hardest part is waiting for your turn. And yes, your case is heard in front of everyone else still waiting. But it will be over so quick, you'll be surprised, like you're waiting for something else. But it really is that easy. When the other parent fights back, that's when it becomes a mess. :-/

Feel free to write me again if you have any questions. I am more than happy to help. And let me know how it went.

You'll do great!!

Scorpio

jemm · Jul 30, 2004, 09:38 AM

Scorpio you're the bomb. My ex was in federal prision for 18 years and 6 rehabs before I met him. I guess by your lat answer I have nothing to worry about. I also am going for sole custody. I live on Long Island in New York. Yes I am going for child support but I expect to receive nothing because he is a loser as well and has not worked in a year living off SSI because he has been in a rehab you're the last year court mandated.
Again thank you so much I don't feel so scared anymore.
Jemm

Jahiem28 · Aug 1, 2004, 10:44 AM

California that explains everything scorpio " you guys have your own laws ;D Dads do win some custody cases but most state make it hard for the father to gain custody.

StrongmominAZ · Aug 26, 2004, 01:05 PM

Hi Jemm, I'm going through something close to that, I totally understand your fears? Your confusion your thoughts on now knowing what's going to happen. But let me tell you girl, when you go through all this you'll become wiser, stronger and a better mother because you live and learn. For me girl after leaving my abusive ex the State of AZ finally served him with Child support court papers. We had court in July, Stupid me I let him manipulate me with lies on "I'm gonna be a better father thank you for giving me a chance" blah blah blah well he was only saying that so I wouldn't be so rough on him because he wasn't giving me $$ at all and he knew that I could get him for back pay WHICH he wouldn't pay anyway. Well the order is established for payment but now girl he doesn't call to see the kids it's going on a month and NO PHONE call to see the kids. I'm thinking of getting sole custody,

jemm · Aug 26, 2004, 01:38 PM

Thank you for your reply. I am still waiting to go to court . I have a custody hearing Sept. 24th and a support hearing Sept. 28th. I am still wondering if I should get a lawyer. I want sole custody of my daughter. I went for the first support hearing back in July and they postponed it because my ex had no source of income at the time (jobless) so the Judge gave him a month and a half to get a job. I would like financial help from him but if he lets me have custody with out a fight I would be okay with out his small contribution. He is a drug addict and I'm sure he is going to wind up back in rehab or jail anyway. I don't want my dauhter to have any part of that life. I just hope the judge sees it that way by his past history. I live in the state of NY and it is very hard to get sole custody. And like your ex my ex knows how to put on his charm to get his way . I don't want to go in the court bad mouthing him because I fear I will look like a fool myself. I can't really afford a lawyer. But I will find away to pay if that means my daughter is mine. Well Thank you again for reply. It sounds crazy, but it is nice to know I am not alone.

jemm · Nov 15, 2004, 11:37 AM

To all that replied to my post... I just wanted to sat thank you. I received sole custody of my daughter.

Rfrager · May 24, 2005, 03:43 PM

I live in Maryland with my 5-year-old son. His father, living in Idaho, has custody during the summer. My dilemma is that the father has not paid any child support, no daycare. I have been supporting my son totally on my own. I have recently found out that the father has no job and no permanent address. My son will basically have no where to live -- that I know of. Am I still obligated to send him over 3,000 miles with these unknowns?
Please Help!

serialwife · May 27, 2005, 02:26 PM

You are not obligated to send your son anywhere that you feel he is unsafe. You have a couple of options I am not sure what Maryland laws are. First, would be to contact the atty/judge that gave you custody and explain that your child's father is for all intents and purposes homeless and you do not feel say sending him to stay there for his visit. They can order child protective services in Idaho to do a home evaluation to determine if your ex lives somewhere safe enough to have a child visit. Or Call child protective services in MAryland to see if they can contact Idaho about locating the father's home and determining safety.
You really need to visit these websites. Have him locked up for non support... it's a crime.

www.dhr.state.md.us/csea
Www2.state.id.us/dhw/childsupport

Make sure the judge and your atty is aware of the situation or else your ex could say you are with holding the child. Good luck!!