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bface · Feb 8, 2013, 06:23 AM

I have been with my husband for 12 years married 10 years. We have an 8 year daughter and I have 4 other daughters ages 26, 22, 19, 17; whom all call him Dad and love him very much. We both decided that I stayed home and raised our daughter. We have been fighting a lot in the past 5 yrs, never solving anything. He tells me now that he doesn't love me for it anymore and that he is having a hard time leaving because of the girls.

I have begged him to forgive and that I realized it was my fault and I want our marriage to work that I love him and that I'm grateful he is still here. I don't fight with him, I don't question him when he is out all the time. I keep a smile on my face and let him know that I trust him and that I'm happy that he is hanging out with his friends. He sees that things are better but he still doesn't know if he can be with me or ever love me again.

This has been going on for 3 months now, and I can't handle it. Even the older girls see it and all of us our tired and sad and sometimes angry. I don't know what to do. I want our marriage to work. I know I can make him happy. I know what makes him happy. I have done it before, but he won't give me the chance. So I told him by the end of the weekend he has to tell me what he wants. I'm scared because I want an answer, but I'm afraid I won't like it.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 8, 2013, 06:45 AM

Why is it your fault and no letting him run the streets was not the answer.

Getting professional counseling and working out what is most likely dozens of issues , is what works

bface · Feb 8, 2013, 09:50 AM

I have already ask him about conselling and he said no.

talaniman · Feb 8, 2013, 10:53 AM

You smile and cater too much, and allow him EVERYTHING, and that results in a loss of respect. Bet your daughters have told you the same thing. If he expressed a loss of love, don't kiss his butt, kick him out, or make him sleep on the porch.

MikeBear · Feb 8, 2013, 01:35 PM

I don't think all this is your fault. He is having everything his own way, and I don't think he really cares anymore. He doesn't respect you, and it's time for one of you to leave. Stop kissing his butt, and trying to make everything all OK. It probably won't work anyway. If he is not willing to go to counseling, then he is finished. Good luck.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 9, 2013, 08:08 AM

Let him go. If he does not want to work at it there is nothing you can do.
Tell him to make up his mind to do counseling and work on the marriage or leave. You should not be walking on eggshells or kissing his
Butt .

bface · Feb 9, 2013, 10:24 AM

Thanks guys for listening to me. It is so confusing because he just got me to meet some of his friends and he is willing to hand out with me but he does keep his distants. It was hard to meet his friend's wives they are so nice and I will probably never seen them again. I just don't understand why he wanted to bring me along. He is suppose to tell me Sunday night if he wants it to work.

talaniman · Feb 9, 2013, 11:03 AM

Boy, do you need a life outside of him, just for a better perspective, and peace of mind. Case in point, get some phone numbers of the people you meet to be in touch later. That's how you make friends and break your isolation, and dependence.

I mean, why must you wait until he decides if he wants you or NOT?