[mjf1986]

I was not snooping I want to make that clear. I was trying to download Real Downloader and in trying to find it on my computer, in the recent documents part of the menu on my boyfriends computer, which he happily shares with me and claims to have nothing to hide from me on here. The recent documents folder is not exactly private, I've never before searched for anything because I honestly thought that when he said he doesn't save porn he meant it.

It really doesn't bother me, the idea that he looks at porn, I know that it's normal and I look at it on my own occasion here and there. I'm cool with it. It's just that he told me he doesn't save porn and he lied.

AND another thing... it not only hurts and worries me that he lied, but also that throughout these some several hundred saved photos of naked women, some seem to be young girls as young as what appears to be pre pubescent, like around 7 or 9.

All this with a baby girl on the way. It scares me, and I don't know IF I should confront it, HOW I should confront it. Do I come at him defensively over my little girl, or should I bring it up more casually? I'm at a total and complete loss here. WHAT SHOULD I DO!!

[Oliver2011]

Uh oh - he could be arrested. You have more than one thing to worry about. You need to address this with him.

[talaniman]

Why confront when you can ask casually and calmly and tell him how some of it was disturbing and tell him why. Emphasize it's the lying about it that's the most hurtful but give him room to reply without the drama.

As you say he didn't try to stop your access, or hide it, but you just ran across it. The approach is what counts and pay attenion to his reaction.

The sooner the better I think.

[CravenMorhead]

The child porn is what is the most worrisome thing here. That is something that is wrong on so many different levels. People go to jail because they posse this stuff.

Him having porn, you should expect. He was probably saying that he doesn't have any because he thought you would take it badly that he did. It is actually a really common lie for men to tell their girlfriends/wives. Truth be told you can't really get angry at him for having it or hiding it because you partake as well.

But I would definitely talk to him about the child porn. Being a guy well versed in the internets I know it isn't hard to come by models that are questionable when it comes to their age, falling in the 'Barely Legal' category. This stuff you have to search out to find. You can run into a 16-17 year old on many unregulated porn sites but to get something where you're sure the girls is pubescent or prepubescent takes a concerted effort to find.

Figure out what is happening and get him to stop it. If not... this is on my unforgivable sins list so I would break up with him.

[dontknownuthin]

I'm concerned because even in the way you present this question, you are already making excuses for him to an extent and minimizing the fact that your boyfriend is in possession of child pornography. Child pornography. When in your life did this become even acceptable enough for you to consider this as something you would consider working through with a man? You start with this very typical question about finding out your boyfriend likes porn - several paragraphs later, we find out the photos are of children and he's committing a felony in your home.

If you were being set up on a date by a friend, and they said to you, "he's a great guy - sweet and fun and he'll be good to you. The only thing is, he likes to look at naked pictures of children." I think you'd run as fast as you could.

Now the question is, "he's a great guy - sweet and fun and he'll be good to you. The only thing is, he likes to look at naked pictures of little girls. Do you want to have a baby daughter with him?"

Any answer other than "hell no" makes you complicit in his criminal behavior. If you bring your new baby daughter into a home with him, you are guilty of child endangerment. Is that how you want to start being a mother - by bringing your daughter home to a dad who's into little girls sexually?

To me, there would not even be a question to ask. I would immediately move out - or throw him out. I would report him to the authorities, because it would be necessary to prevent him from legally having unsupervised time with your expected daughter. The relationship would be over, period. I would start making a plan to raise my child on my own. I would not be interested in explanations - there is no explanation for child pornography on his computer, period.

[backpack2389]

A thought that occurs to me... he might have lied to you about saving the porn because he looks at children. Normal porn is a personal topic that the two of you could discuss, if you feel like it needs to be. But, if it really is child pornography and you have to use your judgement when determining that, I think that is not only truly disgusting but is undeniably wrong, morally and legally. I know I certainly wouldn't want to have a little girl with a man who is going to be turned on by her friends when they come over for a playdate. If he views and masturbates to sexually explicit images of children, then I don't think there's anything to discuss. You should just leave and maybe even report him and/or the source of the material.

[mjf1986]

I'm sorry, this has just hit me like a brick wall, I'm not even sure I've been able to fully process it it's so new and shocking. I've been crying and wracking my brain uncontrollably. I will always put the safety of my child first though, I can say that for sure. Again, still processing... still dumbfounded...

[dontknownuthin]

The upset is entirely understandable. Racking your brain is not - he's looking at pictures of little girls for sexual gratification. He saved them to the computer. Whatever he says or explains does not make it anything different from what you already know it to be.

If you let him explain this away, you will hear what you want to, and will find yourself accepting the unacceptable.

[talaniman]

Don't get worked up without true facts and that's why you talk because speculation does no good but to cloud your judgment. We cannot judge what you saw or why, only you can so don't get carried away by shock or emotion, or fear before he has had his chance.

I understand your feelings given you have a child on the way. But be calm of mind when you broach this subject.

[mjf1986]

Thank you, this is all helpful

Don't get worked up without true facts and thats why you talk because speculation does no good but to cloud your judgment. We cannot judge what you saw or why, only you can so don't get carried away by shock or emotion, or fear before he has had his chance.

I understand your feelings given you have a child on the way. But be calm of mind when you broach this subject.

[smoothy]

Without having seen the pictures, (no I don't want to see them) just wanting to make sure what you saw really was what you appeared to see.

Sometimes things are not what they first appear to be... and making the wrong assumption can be a mistake...

There are many genres out there... there ar the skinny petite women with small boobs.. which might be the case. Since its overwelmingly common to fully shave these days... particularly with the under 40 crowd... a skinny small breasted 18 or 19 year old with their hair done up just the right way at fist glance might appear to be much younger at a casual glance... but usually if you look at certain features like hands, neck or feet they give then away as older once you look closer.

However if they really are kids... meaning nimors that young.. then it would be very disturbing. But the fact he wasn't really hiding it tells me they might not appear to be what you think.

I'm not making any excuses if they really are that young... just that you really don't want to wrongfully accuse someone of that.

You actually can accidentally stumble upon that stuff... but you usually have to be in certain circles because the authorities are always looking for people distributing or sharing that stuff... but I have seen legitimate stuff that at first glance looked years younger than they really were when you looked closer at their other features.

Now only you can do that... and determine that... only a 8 year olds going to look like an 8 year old... but sometimes lesser developed women in their early to mid twenties can casually pass as early teens... (andprobibly even more 16 year olds could pass as someone in their late 20's.

Don't think its ever happened... here is a famous account... research Traci Lords... she had a fake ID and started working at 14... she was already out of the business and into her 30's when she broke that news.. almost the first half of her career was stuff that had to be pulled from the shelves and destroyed. who knows how many in all.

Just saying... take another look... if you have no doubt they really are kids after a second look... call the authorities. I have no lost love for pedophiles... but if they all turn out to be legal age... you've opened up a real can of worms...

[dontknownuthin]

Good advice except it's a real stretch to say an 18 year old would look like an 8 or 9 year old.

And I'd be concerned even if it's an of-age person but photographed and presented to look like a child... still appealing to the child porn market.

I wouldn't be interested in the explanation - I'd be busy packing.

[ITstudent2006]

Anyone who has ever done any porn surfing before has come across a few questionable photos or videos. As stated before it is not uncommon, especially, in the teen areas, to see a photo that makes you think twice for being there. I personally know a girl that is 22 years old that literally looks younger than my niece (who is 12). She is so physically small and petite that she has no "curves" and I bet a look at her naked would make me feel like a pedophile (if I didn't know her).

What's also very interesting is what 'dontknownuthin' said, say these photos are of "legal" teens, they're clearly made to look much younger than they are. As stated, this is appealing to the child porn market.

It's a very difficult situation. There's no doubt about that and I wish you luck in your endeavor for the truth.

Keep us posted.

[dontknownuthin]

I can see him encountering some illegally posted photos - he downloaded and saved these photos. She found them later, saved to the computer.

[ITstudent2006]

The question is whether he thinks they're minors (whether they are or not is superfluous). If he thinks they ar (even if they aren't) there's an issue there that the police would love to take care of.

[smoothy]

Good advice except it's a real stretch to say an 18 year old would look like an 8 or 9 year old.

And I'd be concerned even if it's an of-age person but photographed and presented to look like a child .... still appealing to the child porn market.

I wouldn't be interested in the explanation - I'd be busy packing.

8 or 9 I agree, on average.(except that what is common at 8 or 9 for development today is what was normal at 13 or 14 just 40 years ago)... but there are at least five actresses that are in their mid to late 20's that could pass for girls in their first or second year of puberty... I can't remember enough of the key words to find the name of the disorder. I'm sure ALL of the women reading this have known girls growing up that just never developed or were very late starting... and the torment the other girls put them through... keep in mind few of them preferred to be like that... most if not all wanted all the curves and boobs of the luckier girls... Besides... a few of them have some of the tell tale signs of having had at least one child already... (not to mention c-section scars at least several years old in some cases)

And lets not kid ourselves... how many people in porn do you think REALLY had better options available to them? Beyond the couple I can think of who claimed they did but actually had the sheepskin to back it up?

Like I said.. the real pedophiles need locked up for life... but a lot of harm can be done just like the women that claim rape when they weren't because they got jilted... Lot of harm can be done casually tossing stuff around like that. Even if they get acquitted because no violation of law was found... the very fact they were accused is a suspicion that can follow someone for life.

Now look at this from a different perspective... why should a woman in her 20's not be able to date someone her own age or even a bit older just because she looks much younger than her real age? Why should she be shunned by men her own age? There are far far more who DON'T star in porn that fit that description than do. I've known a few over the years... (nope... just as friends.. I didn't date them).

I didn't meet my wife until she was in her mid/late 20's... but from photos I've seen at 20 she looked 14 or 15... even now at almost 50 she will pass as mid 30's even at the beach... and look better than many 20 something year olds.

But then... I also pass easily for more than 10 years younger than I am... to people who ARE 10 years younger than I am.

Would I fit that definition? Actually... most of the women I dated were older than me... she was one of the few younger than me that got my attention intellectually. And she's only 3 years younger.

[talaniman]

I'm not ready to buy a guy having kiddie porn on his computer that his wife can easily find.

[smoothy]

I'm not ready to buy a guy having kiddie porn on his computer that his wife can easily find.

Exactly... people into that would know full well the legal ramnifications and would not be that casual about it.

[Oliver2011]

Exactly...people into that would know full well the legal ramnifications and would not be that casual about it.

She also needs to be very careful in dealing with the information she has.Viewing kiddie porn is illegal. She has viewed it and not reported it. Not reporting it could also come under fire.

[smoothy]

She also needs to be very careful in dealing with the information she has.Viewing kiddie porn is illegal. She has viewed it and not reported it. Not reporting it could also come under fire.

Yep.. the proverbial can of worms... like I was saying... how many guys have old VHS tapes they bought years ago... how many of them might have any of the multitude of early Traci Lords stuff? How many of them know they are illegal since she admitted many years later she used a false ID the first 4 years she was in the business before she turned 18.

Nobody even guessed she wasn't legal at the time... many are still not aware of it... how many tapes are still in existence from people that bought them legally at the time (when everyone believed her ID was valid)... that technically could be charged with possession of kiddie porn now 20+ years later.