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UncloudedEyes · Feb 6, 2013, 05:20 PM

My friend has been dating this girl for a few months now, in secret. Her girlfriend's parents are extremely homophobic, and they have tried everything to make it work between everyone. Now they're dating in secret, and the girlfriend's mother found out. I need some advice on how to help my friend. I'm all for sneaking them out, but they live too far apart. What can I do? Any suggestions?

ITstudent2006 · Feb 6, 2013, 05:27 PM

How old is everyone?

I understand you want to help your friend but in a case like this, you shouldn't anything. Parents have rules and policy that they expect to be followed and as someone who is not directly affected by the situation, I would say do nothing. It isn't your place to do anything.

ScottGem · Feb 6, 2013, 05:27 PM

I assume the girl is underage. So if your friend doesn't want to wind up in jail, and you along with her, she will back off.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 6, 2013, 05:48 PM

Don't do anything. It is not your place or your business.

Alty · Feb 6, 2013, 05:59 PM

Your friend has to figure this out. If she's under 18, or her girlfriend is, then her parents will have the last say. They're minors.

When they're adults they can do what they want, be with each other if they want. But if they're under 18, or one of them is under 18, they have to listen to mom and dad.

You can't, and shouldn't, do anything about this. It's not your place to do so. Just be supportive, that's all you can do.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 6, 2013, 06:01 PM

A real friend would do nothing, sneaking is not a real option, if they are too ashamed or to afraid to date publicly, they don't need to date

Alty · Feb 6, 2013, 06:02 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...-q-724134.html

You're 14, and pregnant, according to this thread. Or are you still pretending that it's your friend and not you?

I think you have enough problems of your own without butting into other peoples business.

dontknownuthin · Feb 6, 2013, 06:24 PM

Friends don't help friends do things that are inappropriate or in opposition to their parents. Your friend will have to fight her own battles with her parents, if not now then later. If you get involved, her parents may also forbid her to be around you.

All that's appropriate to do for your friend is to encourage her to live honestly and manage her relationship with her parents in a respectful way, mindful that the objective is to help them come around and understand her sexual preference. It may take them a good long time, and she should give them the time. Further, if she's your age, she's not even old enough to date at all, much less to know her sexual preference for sure.

And yes - if you are the one who's 14 and pregnant, I think you need to focus on your own relationship with your own parents and let your friends figure out theirs. You have more than you can handle on your plate already.

Epicfritz · Feb 6, 2013, 06:30 PM

Well, first it's a friend they should have told their parents cause if their parents really cared about them they would love them no matter what and it's their life not yours u shouldn't be helping them you stuff to do that's more important then trying to help friends that are not willing to do what they should have.

ScottGem · Feb 7, 2013, 04:32 AM

Originally Posted by Alty

You're 14, and pregnant, according to this thread. Or are you still pretending that it's your friend and not you?

I think you have enough problems of your own without butting into other peoples business.

The relationship being discussed here appears to be a homosexual one. So it is probably not the OP. But if she is a pregnant 14 year old (about 5 months along at this point) she really does have her own troubles and shouldn't be involved in this.

UncloudedEyes · Feb 7, 2013, 09:46 AM

Originally Posted by Alty

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...-q-724134.html

You're 14, and pregnant, according to this thread. Or are you still pretending that it's your friend and not you?

I think you have enough problems of your own without butting into other peoples business.

I am not pregnant.

UncloudedEyes · Feb 7, 2013, 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

The relationship being discussed here appears to be a homosexual one. So it is probably not the OP. But if she is a pregnant 14 year old (about 5 months along at this point) she really does have her own troubles and shouldn't be involved in this.

I am not pregnant.

odinn7 · Feb 7, 2013, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by UncloudedEyes

I am not pregnant.

Post #15 (the last one) in that thread indicates that yes you are pregnant... or that you were anyway.

ScottGem · Feb 7, 2013, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by UncloudedEyes

Um 14 and about three months maybe.

Then why did you post that in the other thread?

dontknownuthin · Feb 7, 2013, 11:53 AM

Inconsistencies in that thread - the age changes to 14. Starts as 16. Her original question was:

"If a minor 16 or under becomes pregnant, are the parents legally allowed to force her into an abortion? Or is it up to the teen? "

Can you tell us - who is pregnant, you or your friend? Is she 14 or 16?
Also, why do you keep trying to step in with your friends when they need to be relying on their parents? Do you recognize that you are all too young to deal with this stuff behind your parent's backs?

If you're pregnant, we understand why you wouldn't want to say it's you. But this is totally anonymous, so you are safe telling us. Then we can give you better advice. Unravel the inconsistencies so we can properly help you, please.

Alty · Feb 7, 2013, 01:00 PM

Pregnant, not pregnant, it seems you have a lot of friends with issues, and you're always butting your head into it.

It's time that you backed off, let your friends deal with their parents, and concentrate on your own life and your own issues. Maybe also find a different group of friends, ones without so many issues.

UncloudedEyes · Feb 16, 2013, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Inconsistencies in that thread - the age changes to 14. Starts out as 16. Her original question was:

"If a minor 16 or under becomes pregnant, are the parents legally allowed to force her into an abortion? Or is it up to the teen? "

Can you tell us - who is pregnant, you or your friend? Is she 14 or 16?
Also, why do you keep trying to step in with your friends when they need to be relying on their parents? Do you recognize that you are all too young to deal with this stuff behind your parent's backs?

If you're pregnant, we understand why you wouldn't want to say it's you. But this is totally anonymous, so you are safe telling us. Then we can give you better advice. Unravel the inconsistencies so we can properly help you, please.

Okay. I am NOT pregnant. I am FOURTEEN. 16 and under was specifically worded: SIXTEEN and UNDER. And I don't see how any of my other questions/personal life/what I do are necessary to answer a simple question that everyone is freaking out over. I asked for advice, not an opinion on ME.

odinn7 · Feb 16, 2013, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by UncloudedEyes

Okay. I am NOT pregnant. I am FOURTEEN.

Touchy touchy... you mad bro?

SO anyway, you had another thread that you claimed you were pregnant but now you say you're not... this is why everyone is "freaking out" as you say. It makes it seem like you're lying about things and then if you are, then it makes this thread seem suspect as well.

UncloudedEyes · Feb 16, 2013, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

Touchy touchy....you mad bro?

SO anyway, you had another thread that you claimed you were pregnant but now you say you're not....this is why everyone is "freaking out" as you say. It makes it seem like you're lying about things and then if you are, then it makes this thread seem suspect as well.

No, I am not mad. I just don't think everyone should ACCUSE me of things and freak out. And no, I NEVER said I was pregnant. This is the story, and NO, I am NOT lying: A few months ago my mother remarked about how I hadn't had my period in a while. She made a joke that if I was pregnant, she would force me into an abortion. I was CURIOUS if she actually COULD do that. That was why I asked that question. The possibility that I might actually be also prompted me to ask the question, but NOW I know I am not. I'm not mad... it's just frustrating that everyone thinks I am a liar, and when I try to explain, it just gets worse.

odinn7 · Feb 16, 2013, 10:59 AM

But see... this is where the problem is... in that other thread, you didn't say "maybe", "possibly"... you claimed you were 3 months pregnant. There is no mistaking if you are 3 months pregnant... maybe, maybe not... at 3 months, you pretty much know it. But now the story changed and there was never any real explanation done by you... you just left it sitting there as it was. So of course, people being people, we're going to suspect you aren't being completely honest with us.

We've seen it here before and we'll see it again. Many kids come here and lie and fabricate stories. Many come here and give stories and then change them. Many come here asking how to help a friend when it isn't really the friend they are talking about.

So you put all that together, add the fact that your story changed without being rationally explained... there you have it.