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Shawk · Mar 18, 2007, 02:42 AM

Hey, it's hard even writing this I'm shaking so much..

Here it's, My ex and me broke up about 2 months ago, I took it hard to say the least, I loved her very much, but I forgot what I had and I wasn't loving her like I use to, it was a 9 month relationship. I moved away, quit my job, I did everything just to get her out of my mind, during this time I was hounding her Like a complete wuss for her to come back to me.

A month ago I called her balling my eyes out basically asking her for one last chance, she wouldn't listen to a thing I said so I basically said if this is how you want it, never phone me, never talk to me and never try to contact me again UNLESS you want to be with me.

So, a month goes by, me never talking to her, trying to get my life back together, then, one day.. she texts me saying these exact words.. "I miss you and Im Sorry for saying That. You Dont have to text me back, If you dont text back, I understand, sorry." and another saying "I'm Sorry," and 1 missed call.

I phoned her, she seemed very sad and lonely, I talked to her.. We talked about what was going on, normally she is telling me how wonderful life is and stuff but this time was different, instead, I was the one telling her about my new job, my new flings. I asked her about her relationships and what not and she said she hasn't found anyone, she complimented me a few times.. I Don't know..

She was asking about my family and stuff, so was I but she just seemed so interested in me asking what I have been up to, I basically answered fast so that she thought I was over her, I didn't say anything like I love you or anything stupid like that, I just listened and talked like a good friend, I complimented her a few times, she complimented me..

It just felt so good and I need to know what to do next.. It is like I'm alive again and I don't want this all going to my head because tomorrow morning with my luck she might have been drunk and not remembered anything..

Ive never been this happy and sad in my life..

sypher373 · Mar 18, 2007, 08:11 AM

If you are this scared, and upset about not talking to her again, it seems that the phone call may have been too early. She may have been upset, but she needs to understand that by breaking up, she is choosing to be alone. She shouldn't depend on you to help her when she is hurt, your not there for that anymore... at least not for a while.

If you can't talk to her, and just enjoy the conversation, and continue afterward as if it never happened, it seems you still have feelings for her, and talking is only going to hurt you.

I say, try to move on like the phone call never happened, don't let it set you back so much. Going a month on NC must have been tough, but I'm sure you can do it again. Maybe give it another month or two?

Just my two cents

Shawk · Mar 18, 2007, 02:45 PM

Well yah, I'm pretty much back to square one.. wish she wouldn't keep doing this to me.

Jiser · Mar 18, 2007, 02:51 PM

I saw all my Ex's friends, ex bf's and sisters last night, god knows what I said - I was so drunk, apprently she has tried to text me, blllx has she. That bought a few of the old feelings back. Its been 7 weeks now of NC apart from one message on myspace.

It hurts but you must keep yourself busy as I have. Every weekend I am out meeting new people and doing new things. Its great! It sux when your alone, but most of us are in the same boat here. Time will heal :) Stick to NC and delete her contact details.

Join the gym etc. If you both give each other space to move on who knows what will happen in the future. I know people who split at 18 and didn't speak for 3 years then got back together - 10 years later are having children.

But an ex is an ex for a reason

Wildcat21 · Mar 18, 2007, 09:00 PM

I dsiagree - take it slow... don't rush... don't call her for a while. Show her you're strong. Show her you have evicted the WUSS!!

Don't answer her calls or return her text right away... wait a day or two or longer.

She can be part of your life again IF you take this very slow... most guys screw this up though.

tinsign · Mar 18, 2007, 09:15 PM

You need to make up your mind what you want.. she also needs to make hers up as well

As for you if you get this second chance or even want it then don't make the same mistake again.
I would wait though a few days to contact her.. that is the tricky part of all this.. don't wait to long or move to soon on it .

Shawk · Mar 18, 2007, 09:32 PM

Well as usual being the moron that I am I called her, first time, she was sleeping, 2nd, buisy, 3rd she said how she was drunk last night and so she didn't really mean it.

So.. I'm back to wanting to kill myself again.. Why did I even bother.. such a moron.

vlee · Mar 18, 2007, 09:42 PM

Hey c'mon. She is probably just embarrassed because she basically did the same thing you felt so humiliated for doing! Truth be told, whatever fantastic fling she had before, probably just ended in disaster, so she called you, her pining ex for a little pick-me-up. You shot her down. Now she's mortified.

missk · Mar 18, 2007, 09:43 PM

I agree so much with Jiser and Wildcat, and I think you handled the conversation really well. I think she is just using the drunk thing as an excuse. She obviously still has feelings for you, so the next time she calls, like wildcat says-take it slow and DO NOT return her calls right away. :)

vlee · Mar 18, 2007, 09:47 PM

I don't think you should bother with games. If she calls, answer, ask what she wants. If she wants to get back together, and you do too, tell her to meet you somewhere so you can talk about it face to face. Then decide. If she's just mopey and upset tell her flat out, you're sorry, but you can't be her "go to guy" every time something crappy happens in her life. Tell her you want space. Then take some.

missk · Mar 18, 2007, 09:48 PM

My comments on sypher373 post says that I agree-I don't agree-I accidentally checked the wrong spot-but my comment is correct. Sorry sypher but Wildcat is right-totally wrong answer in every way.

Shawk · Mar 19, 2007, 02:22 AM

I phoned her again about 2 hours after that phone call.. I had to get the reason...

Basically the guy she jumped to after me was a complete loser, She says he was just some shoulder to cry on, I figured this already so I was just waiting for her to figure it out on her own.. During the relationship I wasn't exactly the most driven man on the earth, I had a normal job working as a delivery boy but I was miserable, I didn't have a future and I even told her one time I don't see myself going anywhere.. BAD IDEA.. That and insulting her mom.. yup, I'm an idiot lol.

It took a lot of talking but in the end she finally told me that she broke up with me because she just wants to be selfish right now, she wants to go to school, she wants to do these kind of things and she thinks that I need to as well.. Why we can't do this together I don't know but I have to respect her.

She says she still loves me, she wants to be my friend, she says talking to me makes her feel so good about herself, and it does the same for me.

I agreed that she can call me whenever she wants.. As much as I love her and as much as it will hurt when I hang up, I do love her, and I want to be there for her no matter what, even if calling me just for me to remind her how beautiful she is.

She is 18, I am 21, I finished the whole party life, drinking, smoking thing a long time ago, I understand she is young and she still wants to do those things. The call really helped me and we both pretty much hung up crying.. We both understand that we need to love ourselves before we can really love each other, our relationship wasn't perfect but she is the only women I want to have my children with.

I guess it's time for me to just move on and Hope the whole "if it's meant to be," thing works out.. I just am afraid she might find someone else, but if she does, I want her to be happy.

Thanks for the help guys.

Jiser · Mar 19, 2007, 03:54 AM

Ahh yes so I been there 2! It sux bad, unfortunately life is sh*t sometimes. We gota move on to heal in ourselves. I know of people who went there separate ways then met up 3 years later and have been together for years and years since. Nothing is ever constant unless your life is boring ;) Relish the change and improve yourself and with your new self worth, you'll be irresistible in no time!

Get down the gym, go climb a mountain, travel :P Immerse yourself in the new and find the new you, be kind and enjoy life. And about the ex - abide by NC.

tinsign · Mar 19, 2007, 05:21 AM

Well hun pull up those boot straps and get on with life.. Sure you hurt but geez if you only knew the pain I went through in a breakup but I survived and so will you...
So at least now you know where you stand with her better than not knowing right?.
Now you can really move forward with that new life you already started and be honest here.. You were not truly sure you wanted to go back with her... Good thing after all you didn't cause now she can go after some other poor man and play the juvenile mind games with him.

talaniman · Mar 19, 2007, 07:19 AM

You are at a time in life where your future needs to be the focus. Forget a relationship from the past, and do what you must to secure your future to bring something to the table when you are ready for a mature relationship, with a mature female. Leave her alone and let her grow, and you as well. Go to vocational school and learn a trade that you can work and be proud of.

Wildcat21 · Mar 19, 2007, 10:37 AM

Dude - you have to stop with the over communicating - it's what will kill it for oyu again.

These aren't games - it shows you're busy and have a life.

lisalou · Mar 19, 2007, 10:40 AM

I think he did the right thing. No point in playing a game if she wasn't going to be interested in the long term. The way its been left they both know where they stand. Sad but just sounds like wrong timing.

Wildcat21 · Mar 19, 2007, 10:45 AM

She still has feelings. You needed to take this slow!! Why call back so soon - espcially after what happened.

Shawk · Mar 19, 2007, 03:46 PM

I don't know, same reason I did a lot of stupid things during the breakup, I don't think when it comes to having a chance to get back together with her.. everything and everyone goes out the window and she is the only person that matters.

I slept till like 3pm today thinking about how to get back together with her, then I realized I care more about her then I care about myself and no one can love anyone if they don't love themselves.. I really got to just man up and be selfish right now. I have never really cared about myself, never really thought about what I want to be... maby that is exactly what she is trying to tell me.

I don't know, the lonyness is killing me, there is another girl that wants to be with me but I can't put my heart towards a new relationship right now, when she talks, I don't listen or care and that hurts me more then anything in the world.. I don't want someone else to hurt for my gain.

"Well hun pull up those boot straps and get on with life" You're right.. I think I really need to grow up and be a man about this.

Shawk · Mar 19, 2007, 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You are at a time in life where your future needs to be the focus. Forget a relationship from the past, and do what you must to secure your future to bring something to the table when you are ready for a mature relationship, with a mature female. Leave her alone and let her grow, and you as well. Go to vocational school and learn a trade that you can work and be proud of.

You're right, thank you.

My focus right now is getting into graphic design in about a year going to community college.