[missuspear112]

I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now and we recently moved in together. We seem to have a good relationship. We share the same interests and laugh at the same jokes and we really are good friends. I love him, he loves me. He tells me every morning before work and when he comes home.

I recently discovered the porn thing. He has watched other porn but mostly asian porn and even has some saved on his phone. Short clips of the same asian porn star. I know most men look at porn and its OK. Im bothered that its specific. I am a curvy white woman, very busty and with a booty. Blonde hair(though dyed dark) and blue eyes. I am not asian.

This discovery has made me feel less attractive. Am I what he desires? We have sex once, maybe sometimes twice a week. He does work a lot but I hope this porn is not the problem. He does tell me I'm beautiful and that he loves me. Not as often as he used to but he does especially when I take my time to look good.

What should I do?

[missuspear112]

Pardon my typing. I used my cell phone. >slightly edited :) -WG)

[Wondergirl]

If I were you, I would ignore this and continue to be the pretty and fun and interesting person you are. Johnny Depp turns me on and he doesn't look a thing like my husband!

[odinn7]

I love Asian women... I really do... but I am not married to one. My wife is not even close to Asian.

It doesn't mean your boyfriend doesn't find you attractive. It doesn't even really mean that he would prefer to be with an Asian woman. It just is what his fantasy is about and as long as it doesn't affect anything in real life... it's nothing to worry about.

[CravenMorhead]

I am married to a White Voluptuous woman.

My porn collections has, Midgets, black, asian, Ameratur, barely legal, mature/MILF/GILF, Furry/Hentai/Tentacle, group/orgy, hairy, fisting, and more.

What porn he watches isn't indicative of what he wants. Just the seed of fantasy he's using to stroke one off.

[samcreed]

You say most men look at porn? Where did you get that idea? I don't think they do. Watching porn is something that only some men do, and I personally think it's not a good thing. If you love this man, I would talk with him about it, and try to get him to stop. He has you and that Should be enough for him, or any man, for that matter.
Love is based on respect and caring, not to mention honesty. He is actually being respectful or caring, in my view. Good luck.

[missuspear112]

Thanks for the answers. I forgot to mention the man in the video resembles my boyfriend... And the site was white guys with asian women... Should I worry about that?

I am married to a White Voluptuous woman.

My porn collections has, Midgets, black, asian, Ameratur, barely legal, mature/MILF/GILF, Furry/Hentai/Tentacle, group/orgy, hairy, fisting, and more.

What porn he watches isn't indicative of what he wants. Just the seed of fantasy he's using to stroke one off.

]Thanks for the answers. I forgot to mention the man in the video resembles my boyfriend... And the site was white guys with asian women... Should I worry about that?

[Alty]

You say most men look at porn?? Where did you get that idea? I don't think they do. Watching porn is something that only some men do, and I personally think it's not a good thing. If you love this man, I would talk with him about it, and try to get him to stop. He has you and that Should be enough for him, or any man, for that matter.
Love is based on respect and caring, not to mention honesty. He is actually being respectful or caring, in my view. Good luck.

Are you female? If so, have you read "Fifty Shades of Grey"? Bet you have. Do you watch chick flicks? Do you read romance novels? That's your porn. So, if the OP (original poster) decides to follow your advice and tell her man that he has to respect her and stop watching porn, then she better be prepared to stop reading romance novels, stop watching chick flicks, and never ever ever read Fifty Shades of Grey. Why? It's girl porn, and fair is fair.

To the OP, my husband isn't a muscular, throaty, bald man, but Vin Diesel, just thinking about him makes me squirm. Doesn't mean I expect my husband to be Vin Diesel, nor do I find my husband unattractive, Vin, especially his voice, just turn me on. But he's not the guy I want, or choose to be with. He's a fantasy. My husband, he's the real deal.

Do you see what I'm saying?

[chase1233]

Just dump him,or tell him that this is not working out and I think it would be better if we breakup and never see each other,and just go on with our lives,and go away get out of my life forever.

[backpack2389]

You, like the asian porn star, are just one of many types of people that your boyfriend finds sexually attractive and/or arousing. I bet you find more than one type of person attractive.

[Enigma1999]

just dump him,or tell him that this is not working out and i think it would be better if we breakup and never see each other,and just go on with our lives,and go away get out of my life forever.

Here is an example of an idiot who takes the time to set up an account, posts once (bad advice) and leaves... Should OP listen to this advice? Nah...

[missuspear112]

Are you female? If so, have you read "Fifty Shades of Grey"? Bet you have. Do you watch chick flicks? Do you read romance novels? That's your porn. So, if the OP (original poster) decides to follow your advice and tell her man that he has to respect her and stop watching porn, then she better be prepared to stop reading romance novels, stop watching chick flicks, and never ever ever read Fifty Shades of Grey. Why? It's girl porn, and fair is fair.

To the OP, my husband isn't a muscular, throaty, bald man, but Vin Diesel, just thinking about him makes me squirm. Doesn't mean I expect my husband to be Vin Diesel, nor do I find my husband unattractive, Vin, especially his voice, just turn me on. But he's not the guy I want, or choose to be with. He's a fantasy. My husband, he's the real deal.

Do you see what I'm saying?

I actually never read fifty shades of gray do I read romance novels. I do however love chick flicks. You're advice made me think about it and you're right. I have an man I find attractive. Llng hair musician types. My man is neither but I love him so much I don't care. He makes me happy. Maybe its just an emotional thing? Thank you for your advice.

Here is an example of an idiot who takes the time to set up an account, posts once (bad advice) and leaves.... Should OP listen to this advice? Nah...

I wouldn't listen to this advice because I don't agree. I love my man... I just feel a little insecure, and maybe its natural to feel that way?

[Alty]

I wouldnt listen to this advice because i dont agree. I love my man... I just feel a little insecure, and maybe its natural to feel that way?

It's totally natural, because you're female and we feel insecure when we think our SO's are attracted to someone else, it's our nature. When you watch your chick flicks it's for entertainment, right? Maybe a little bit of fantasy. It doesn't mean that you want your boyfriend to act like the guy in the movie, or look like the guy in the movie, or be the guy in the movie. It's fantasy.

Well, porn is a guys chick flick. It has nothing to do with you, or how he feels about you, it's entertainment, a bit of fantasy. He loves you. If he didn't, he wouldn't be with you.

Really, don't be insecure about this. There's no reason to be. None at all.

As for Fifty Shades of Grey, if you're into brainless books with the typical super rich super gorgeous guy that finds the super gorgeous super naïve girl, convinces her to start a very unrealistic BDSM relationship, and then has lots of sex with her, is able to make her orgasm just by telling her to, is majorly screwed up but is changed because of the love of a good woman, then you'll love it. After the second sex scene, which was like the first, and then every subsequent sex scene (at least one sex scene every few pages) I was so done with it. I only finished all three books because my husband bought them for me, and they weren't cheap, nor could I return them for a refund. I have to say, I wish I could get back the hours I spent reading them. Sigh.

They're a huge hit though. Then again, so is the Twilight series.

[missuspear112]

However... tonight we are all hangingout with a co worker of his, a buddy, and his buddies girl. He told me he won't be all loving on me... I gave him a kiss, said a loved him and he loojed uncomfortable... What should I do

[ITstudent2006]

Don't do anything.

From reading your original post and your recent post, I am getting the feeling that this is a little less about the specific porn and a little more about your insecurities. It's almost like you've convinced yourself that something is wrong and every little thing becomes proof. The porn, the uncomfortable moment when you kiss him in front of company, etc..

A relationship has many building blocks which all work together to provide a happy togetherness. Some say its trust, some say communication, some say honesty, etc... What you need to do is step back (figuratively) and evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. What else is going on in your relationship? Is this a mutual feeling? Does he feel insecure with you? Do you do something he doesn't like that makes him "act out"?

Relationships are complex and cannot be 100% advised on by those outside your realm. We can give you advice, mostly from experience, but its just that advice.

What you need to do is based solely on how you see your relationship. Is this your insecurities? Is this regret for something you've done? Are you looking for a way out? etc...

By the sounds of it, my first reaction is you're overreaction to the scenarios. THe porn, a fantasy. The kissing thing I understand because there are certain people I am with where I don't kiss my wife at all. Other friends, I can pretty much have sex with in front of them. Have you ever met this woman before? Is your boyfriend usually this way? Reason to worry is not when 'something' is weird. Its when that something is not generally indicative of that person.

[missuspear112]

We had fun. Ws are drunk. He is asleep.(after promising ms.loce aka sex) and he has new porn on his phone

He promised me sexual things with a "maybe" and "tomorrow". Then I find new porn on the same night...

He would hate to see me with another man. Does this help?

[backpack2389]

Is he using porn instead of having sex with you? Aka, did he promise you sex that night and then turn to porn instead. And, if so, would there be any good reason why he would have done that (time crunch, low energy, etc. )?

[Alty]

Is he using porn instead of having sex with you? Aka, did he promise you sex that night and then turn to porn instead. And, if so, would there be any good reason why he would have done that (time crunch, low energy, etc.,)?

You actually make a good point.

I have to say, when I'm in the mood, make sure my husband knows I'm in the mood, and I'm turned down, only to find out he watched porn instead, I do often get upset. But, I'm not the kind of woman that sits around wondering "why is he doing this?" I talk to him.

He had a very simple explanation, one I can understand. We both work, he works 40 plus hours a week. We have two kids, many animals, a house, obligations. During the week it's all we can do to get through the day. By the time night comes along, neither one of us has the energy for sex. I work part time, so when I'm home I get a lot of the day to day stuff done during the day. In other words, I'm not as tired, not as stressed, when I have a day off, because I had the whole day to get everything done. Those are the times I'm in the mood. He works 5 days a week, so he comes home, I'm all chipper, and he's still exhausted. Doesn't mean he isn't in the mood, he just doesn't have the energy. Watching a bit of porn, finding some release, which is all it is, is often the norm for him during the week, because he's too tired to put in the effort to make love.

It's not about lack of desire for me, it's about lack of energy.

[backpack2389]

You actually make a good point.

I have to say, when I'm in the mood, make sure my husband knows I'm in the mood, and I'm turned down, only to find out he watched porn instead, I do often get upset. But, I'm not the kind of woman that sits around wondering "why is he doing this?" I talk to him.

He had a very simple explanation, one I can understand. We both work, he works 40 plus hours a week. We have two kids, many animals, a house, obligations. During the week it's all we can do to get through the day. By the time night comes along, neither one of us has the energy for sex. I work part time, so when I'm home I get a lot of the day to day stuff done during the day. In other words, I'm not as tired, not as stressed, when I have a day off, because I had the whole day to get everything done. Those are the times I'm in the mood. He works 5 days a week, so he comes home, I'm all chipper, and he's still exhausted. Doesn't mean he isn't in the mood, he just doesn't have the energy. Watching a bit of porn, finding some release, which is all it is, is often the norm for him during the week, because he's too tired to put in the effort to make love.

It's not about lack of desire for me, it's about lack of energy.

Yes it can be, and when I posted that, I wanted her to consider all of the factors in the situation. Some decisions he makes, even about sex in a monogamous relationship, are going to have nothing or virtually nothing to do with her. Almost all decisions that do involve her as a factor, are going to involve many, many other considerations.

However, most people who work have a lot of stress, work hard, and feel tired at the end of the day. I think it can be all too easy to turn to masturbation, because of ease, speed, convenience and other appealing aspects, instead of sex which requires time, energy, and concern for another person. I don't think it's good to be with someone who is never willing to make the extra effort or who feels like it's not worth it. Sex is meant to strengthen a bond (the lack of it can weaken that bond) and like anything else in life that's worth it, it requires some work - even when you're tired, even when you're stressed, etc.

[ITstudent2006]

I work 40+hrs a week (2nd shift), my wife works 30+(bar hrs), we have a child, a house, 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 birds, 10 fish, 3 horses, and a pig. My wife also goes to school and I also have my military obligation one weekend a month.

My wife and I have a decent sex life.

What is my point?

My point is, my wife and I make sex a priority. Life can get too monotonous and stressed. I believe we are lucky in that aspect as; like Alty said, some people don't get that luxury and/or are too tired.

My point to the OP is no matter what's going on, drinking, working, school, fighting, arguments, etc... You're not going to get anywhere unless you communicate.

Once my wife had our child and went back to school we started realizing that our lives got so overrun with other things that it left little time for passion. We understood, communicated, and developed a plan.

Talk to him.
Talk to hiim.
Talk to him.

As a sidenote, one of my pet peeves as a husband is knowing my wife isn't being up front with me. If my wife approaches me 6 months down he road and says she's not been happy with me doing something, I would be disturbed that A) She didn't feel it necessary to bring it to my attention and B) She was talking to other people about it and not me. Now, I'm not saying don't talk to us but maybe the energy spent on here could be better used to talk with your boyfriend. ;)