[talaniman]

Been there done that, more than a few times. I learned to let the dust settle, and get under control BEFORE I made a decision, or take action.

You sound like you have a cool head about you, and that's more than half the battle. Still sucks though, but what's a guy to do when he gets dumped? Move on as fast as possible without drama or regrets. Fun while it lasted, most times.

[Overthinker2013]

Been there done that, more than a few times. I learned to let the dust settle, and get under control BEFORE I made a decision, or take action.

You sound like you have a cool head about you, and thats more than half the battle. Still sucks though, but whats a guy to do when he gets dumped? Move on as fast as possible without drama or regrets. Fun while it lasted, most times.

Thanks I had quite the cool head last night but today I woke up feeling terrible and still do as it stands, I'm meant to be going to one of my friends who lives like half an hour away tonight with my best friend but it will be my ex driving us up and iv'e been thinking it will mess with my head when I get out of the car knowing I can't give her a kiss anymore and I think that it might ruin my night as it will be all I probably will be thinking of after I was to get out of her car, I just feel she can go out with her friends and after we have only broke up and have a good time herself were as when I seen her last night I seemed to feel better but the more I think about it I think its cause I'm still very attracted to her and still very hurt, what do you guys think though? Would you still go out with your friends if you were feeling like this? its not that I don't want to it's the fact I think the car journey will kill me with her as I said espically when were there and getting out of the car ill get a hug off her and I know it kills me just knowing that I can't give her a kiss I do really want to be friends with her but I'm not sure with the way my heads working at the minute or whether subconsciously my brain just hopes ill have another chance with her in a couple months again a really don't know at all anymore tbh, what is your guys opinion and what would you do if you were in my shoes?


Thanks again for taking time to read and reply to this stuff I really appreciate it guys big respect to you all and thanks again

[Jiser]

Thanks i had quite the cool head last night but today i woke up feeling terrible and still do as it stands, im meant to be going to one of my friends who lives like half an hour away tonight with my best friend but it will be my ex driving us up and iv'e been thinking it will mess with my head when i get out of the car knowing i can't give her a kiss anymore and i think that it might ruin my night as it will be all i probably will be thinking of after i was to get out of her car, i just feel she can go out with her friends and after we have only broke up and have a good time herself were as when i seen her last night i seemed to feel better but the more i think about it i think its cause im still very attracted to her and still very hurt, what do you guys think though? would you still go out with your friends if you were feeling like this?, its not that i dont want to its the fact i think the car journey will kill me with her as i said espically when were there and getting out of the car ill get a hug off her and i know it kills me just knowing that i can't give her a kiss i do really want to be friends with her but im not sure with the way my heads working at the minute or whether subconsciously my brain just hopes ill have another chance with her in a couple months again a really dont know at all anymore tbh, what is your guys opinion and what would you do if u were in my shoes?


Thanks again for taking time to read and reply to this stuff i really appreciate it guys big respect to you all and thanks again

Don't kid yourself! You don't want to be friends with her. You want those feel good relationship feelings back. Sorry mate but face facts. Its over, don't go on this car trip with her. Your setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

Drop of the face of the earth, go no contact and get busy AWAY from your ex! That means do not speak to her. Ignore her messages. Delete her off Facebook, your phone etc.

The best thing to do now is to keep busy, that way your mind will be on other things until eventually you won't be thinking of her anymore.

[talaniman]

I tend to agree with Jiser as the more contact you continue to have, the more your feelings get in the way. It's a roller coaster ride that make you conflicted with yourself, and gives rise to false hope, and unreasonable expectations that keeps you focused on her, and NOT you. Hell you are worried about a good time with a friend?

Dude you are in the friend zone, and she will never miss you if you are always available for friendship, NEVER! While you will always want more. Its very hard to accept a break up and move on when you are always waiting for her to take you back. Why torture yourself with the constant reminder of the good times that are gone?

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, disappear and do your own thing.

Go NO Contact, and when you see her be polite but unavailable and busy. Soon you will know and accept you are not her priority, but you have made her YOURS. Read my signature.

[Overthinker2013]

Hi again, I see you guys point I'm still tore up about her kilt really I didn't go to my friends tonight my best friend didn't go either but his gf's dog died so he's chilling with her on his own tonight which is understandable, but anyway I went to the doctors today told him my story he gave me 50mg zoloft for depression and benzo's to help me sleep I suffer from insomina by the way lol, so hopefully it should work my mood obviously hasn't raised so far but hopefully it does after a couple days, as for my feelings I'm still heartbroken pretty much and can't stop thinking about her at all just wish I had her back uno

[Jiser]

Hi again, i see you guys point im still tore up about her kilt really i didnt go to my friends tonight my best friend didnt go either but his gf's dog died so he's chilling with her on his own tonight which is understandable, but anyways i went to the doctors today told him my story he gave me 50mg zoloft for depression and benzo's to help me sleep i suffer from insomina btw lol, so hopefully it should work my mood obviously hasnt raised so far but hopefully it does after a couple days, as for my feelings im still heartbroken pretty much and can't stop thinking about her at all just wish i had her back uno

I suffer from insomnia as well but do not take drugs for it. When life throws a tonne of c**p at you if you can deal with it than that makes you a better person.

Any contact with this ex girlfriend of yours is going to push you back. I would love to have an amazing women spending time with me tonight as well but life is not like that for you or I.

I think it may be benefitial for you to write the top ten things you liked about her and the 10 ten things you disliked about her. (Pro's and con's). What did she do for you and what did you put into the relationship? You may find there are more negatives.

You need to get busy and fast! You need to change aspects of your life to fill that gap where you ex was. Revenge? Sure... make your life so good without her! Make your body great, play an instrument, get new hobbies =D

I have started running, gyming more, playing guitar and starting yoga soon. I also have several IT exams coming up to keep me busy. I also partake in more social meetups - like a dating website but to meet friends.

I would also advise you get some time away booked, plan some trips, something to look forward to. Lifes to short to be miserable. If you cannot move on from her then get your revenge where you have a life amazing so she will regret breaking up with you whether its in a few months of a few years!

[bigwig]

She obviously liked you for some reason. Try and find some clever ways to remind her why she liked you in the first place.

[Overthinker2013]

Hi again, she was talking to me on fb and I was chatting away to but just asked her to meet me downtown tomorrow for a chat she said do mind if I ask what its about I just said "pretty much about being friends and stuff along those lines but obviously i can do it better in person would that be cool?" and she said yeah so I was just going to say something like I really enjoy your company so to me it wouldn't be right to throw away a friendship with you because of how well we get on then maybe I could ask her out again when were getting on again really well if we do in like a couple months uno, what's your guys take on this what do you think I should say tomorrow?

[FightingBlues]

At least she didn't shut you down and is willing to have this heart-to-heart conversation with you. But to be honest, I think it would be wrong of you to go in with the frame of mind that you want to be "more than friends". She has obviously come to her own decision so please, for your own sake and hers, try your best to respect that and move forward. It's not easy to accept the fact she broke up but if she didn't want to she wouldn't have in the first place. If she realizes you were a great boyfriend and she made a horrible mistake by breaking up with you and wants to go out with you again GREAT! But until then, make sure you are both on the same page about where your relationship is headed (whether romantic or just a friendship) and that you're not trying to beg her to get back together with you. Otherwise you may push her farther away and make yourself look needy and desperate. Obviously, you don't want to be either. Just play this cool and if she wants more with you someday I am truly happy for you. But if she doesn't, don't push hard for it to happen. You will eventually find someone who will give you the same in return.

[Overthinker2013]

At least she didn't shut you down and is willing to have this heart-to-heart conversation with you. But to be honest, I think it would be wrong of you to go in with the frame of mind that you want to be "more than friends". She has obviously come to her own decision so please, for your own sake and hers, try your best to respect that and move forward. It's not easy to accept the fact she broke up but if she didn't want to she wouldn't have in the first place. If she realizes you were a great boyfriend and she made a horrible mistake by breaking up with you and wants to go out with you again GREAT!! But until then, make sure you are both on the same page about where your relationship is headed (whether romantic or just a friendship) and that you're not trying to beg her to get back together with you. Otherwise you may push her farther away and make yourself look needy and desperate. Obviously, you don't want to be either. Just play this cool and if she wants more with you someday I am truly happy for you. But if she doesn't, don't push hard for it to happen. You will eventually find someone who will give you the same in return.

Thanks, I know what you mean there I'm really trying not to set my hopes on getting toghter again but when she did break up with me she said its just cause she wasn't ready she got cheated on by 3 out of 5 people she was with one she was with for a year too, so mabye in time when she is ready I c

Could be there and then get with her again she did tell her best friend I'm the best person she has been out with or one of them can't remember exactly lol, but should I ask her a question tomorrow like if she's ready for a relationship will she let me know do you think that would be a good thing to ask?

[talaniman]

You are already in the friend zone and I see no need to define it more and think you are leaving the door open for later.

Sooner or later you will let this go for a while, when you have had enough false hope. You are beginning to be desperate for that one last chance. Damn guy she dumped you as nicely as she could. Stop pushing.

[FightingBlues]

Thanks, i know what you mean there im really trying not to set my hopes on getting toghter again but when she did break up with me she said its just cause she wasnt ready she got cheated on by 3 out of 5 people she was with one she was with for a year too, so mabye in time when she is ready i c

No problem. :) I think this answers the real reason she broke up with you. It wasn't because of her busy career and future aspirations. It was because she was having a hard time getting over her trust issues with other men. This is key! If this is the case, she definitely needs time to work on herself and realize she can't continue to have good men pay for other men's mistakes. You're not them! You want to be in a relationship where you feel you can be trusted. There's nothing worse than being accused of things you didn't do. She's smart for ending it now because it will get worse if she doesn't give herself enough time to work on herself. To be there for others and to truly love another person, you have to be in love with yourself. Otherwise your problems brush off on them and they resent you for it. There may be hope you two will go out again but in the meantime I think the breakup was the result of something better yet to come.

[FightingBlues]

Thanks, i know what you mean there im really trying not to set my hopes on getting toghter again but when she did break up with me she said its just cause she wasnt ready she got cheated on by 3 out of 5 people she was with one she was with for a year too, so mabye in time when she is ready i c

Could be there and then get with her again she did tell her bestfriend im the best person she has been out with or one of them can't remeber exactly lol, but should i ask her a question tomorrow like if she's ready for a relationship will she let me know do you think that would be a good thing to ask?

No. I don't think you should ask this. She let you go as simple as that. Let whatever be, just be. If she wants you, she knows where to find you. Save yourself the heartbreak and headache of wanting to be with her in case she doesn't give you the answer you expect. With more patience, you will find out if you and her are meant to be. With that being said, don't latch onto false hope. Keep your mind active. Hang out with friends, go to the movies, if you play a sport go for it. Don't dwell. You don't want to appear like a lost puppy. She knows you're still attracted to her so let her do whatever she wants with that bit of information. If she wants you, she will let you know. I promise. If she doesn't accept it for what it is and move on. You deserve better!

[Overthinker2013]

No problem. :) I think this answers the real reason she broke up with you. It wasn't because of her busy career and future aspirations. It was because she was having a hard time getting over her trust issues with other men. This is key! If this is the case, she definitely needs time to work on herself and realize she can't continue to have good men pay for other men's mistakes. You're not them! You want to be in a relationship where you feel you can be trusted. There's nothing worse than being accused of things you didn't do. She's smart for ending it now because it will get worse if she doesn't give herself enough time to work on herself. To be there for others and to truly love another person, you have to be in love with yourself. Otherwise your problems brush off on them and they resent you for it. There may be hope you two will go out again but in the meantime I think the breakup was the result of something better yet to come.

Thanks, yeah she told me that just and then when she broke up with me she said she wasn't ready to be in a relationship and she's sorry cause she thought she was she keeps saying to her best friend and mine she feels really bad about she's just not ready for a relationship but again I don't want to get my hopes up too much which is proving to be more and more difficult each day uno

[FightingBlues]

Thanks, yeah she told me that just and then when she broke up with me she said she wasnt ready to be in a relationship and she's sorry cause she thought she was she keeps saying to her bestfriend and mine she feels really bad about she's just not ready for a relationship but again i dont want to get my hopes up to much which is proving to be more and more difficult each day uno

Yeah it sounds like she really wanted to make a go of it but unfortunately it wasn't working out for her no matter how hard she tried. I know it's hard not to hold out hope but you must resist. Appear a little less available and who knows, she might find that more appealing! If not for that reason though, really do it for yourself. You don't need a relationship to define who you are. There's nothing wrong with being single too. Good luck!

[Overthinker2013]

Yeah it sounds like she really wanted to make a go of it but unfortunately it wasn't working out for her no matter how hard she tried. I know it's hard not to hold out hope but you must resist.
Appear a little less available and who knows, she might find that more appealing! If not for that reason though, really do it for yourself. You don't need a relationship to define who you are. There's nothing wrong with being single too. Good luck!

Thanks, sorry I took so long to reply just haven't really been feeling up for grabbing my phone cause then I go onto fb and see her in pics and stuff and I don't like it, I went to cofde with her yestardy I had a bit of fun with her laugh and what not and said I just want to be friends but not out of gulit and she said if I didn't want to be your friend I wouldn't have said so I was like good will be friends, but I also said it will kill me if I see you with anyone else though cause I still have feelings for and she said will its not like ill flaunt it in your face or anything but if I'm drunk you might see me going with people my heart sort of sank, but I just dealt with the rest of our time and tried to play it cool, but when I got in I just burst into tears even the thought I can't do things like kiss hug etc, is killing me and today I have nothing to do all my friends are busy its snowing outside and I just am sitting here constantly stewing with nothing to do.
:(

[talaniman]

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