[johannsson35]

I'm a 19 year old guy. I've never been in any relationships, or had sex before. I've always been shy around the girls I like. I'm attracted to women in a strong way, I watch straight porn, but I still get these fears that I'm gay for some reason. I don't understand. When I was around 12, I would look at all kinds of porn, straight, gay, etc.. I was new to the whole world of sex. However, from that point on I've only looked at straight porn. But my problem is, I'm worried that since I haven't had any girlfriends, not even a kiss, I feel that I'm gay for some reason. Again, I like girls, and get turned on by them, but I get this feeling I might be gay because I've never had a girlfriend, never had sex, and never kissed. When I get these feelings I feel very uncomfortable, and they bug me. I can't imagine myself as gay (no offense to those who are gay). So, my question is: is it normal to be having these thoughts? Or is it possible my medications are playing a rule in it? I'm not attracted to dudes in a sexual way. But I do look up to athletes. I try to be like them, because they may be handsome, famous, rich, smart, athletic, etc.. I reckon that's normal for everybody though?

[joypulv]

Yes, ALL of this is normal. We are all on a continuum of gender identity and sexual preference. We can move about on it, young to old, different people we like, what we encounter or dream about.
I worry about 12 year olds watching porn. There is just so much of it, and it can really confuse a teenager. We don't know yet what effect it is having on young people (mostly boys/men) like you. You sound like you will be fine, but it's important to not let porn on a computer screen take over for real life. I hope you make a real effort to meet people, socialize, join groups for anything, whether chess or hiking or sky diving or taking a course. Say hi to girls, just be friendly, don't try to impress, make a compliment, ask a general question. You will know when someone is glad to see you the next day.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, and at 12 many boys start searching and finding out about sex. Should have been with me last month when my 12 year old son and I had the BIG sex talk about how it all worked in detail.

But the issue is getting over being shy and start asking girls out on dates.

The other is of course, not to be scared of gays, it is not that being gay is wrong, so stop those ideas,

So it is not being scared of a life style, it is just knowing you are not.

Remember you have not kissed the boys either, it is just that you don't move out of the shell to ask girls out.

[johannsson35]

Thank you both for your answers! Joypul, I feel you. It is wrong, and I do look back and feel guilty about it. However, I do know the difference between porn and real life. Sex very rarely, if ever happens the way it does in porn. I personally think most honest men who do look at porn, are looking at it because they know it's all staged, and that neither partners are being harmed. It's a way of enjoying a fantasy, without actually performing the actual thing. This isn't my case, but I think that is the case for some. And I'm going to play rugby in the spring, hopefully I'll meet someone there! Good point Chuck, I haven't. Haha. I will take both of your advice, thank you!

[joypulv]

Thank you both for your answers! Joypul, I feel you. It is wrong, and I do look back and feel guilty about it. However, I do know the difference between porn and real life. Sex very rarely, if ever happens the way it does in porn. I personally think most honest men who do look at porn, are looking at it because they know it's all staged, and that neither partners are being harmed. It's a way of enjoying a fantasy, without actually performing the actual thing. This isn't my case, but I think that is the case for some. And I'm going to play rugby in the spring, hopefully I'll meet someone there! Good point Chuck, I haven't. Haha. I will take both of your advice, thank you!

Sounds like porn didn't swamp you. I didn't mean to say it's wrong, just hurtful to people who can't get out of it. But your slant on it was helpful to me, not the part about fantasy, which seems obvious, but the 'staged' part. That makes good sense.