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Confused9843 · Jan 3, 2013, 08:21 PM

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 3 years. He is amazing, treats me well, and is my best friend. Our relationship has been perfect with minimum fighting or drama, and everyone always tells us how cute we are and how lucky I am. We have plans for future, but I recently have been feeling trapped. For the past several weeks I have been constantly thinking about another man. I feel terribly guilty but I cannot help it. When I am with my boyfriend these thoughts go away and I can't believe I ever considered leaving. However, as silly as it sounds, whenever we are apart I think about this other man always. This is my first long term relationship and I sometimes feel like I have missed out on being with other men, going to parties without guilt, and being independent. It sounds crazy but I desire to marry my boyfriend one day, but I wish I somehow had the opportunity to date other men and then marry him in the future. Ahhh help please I am going insane!

smoothy · Jan 3, 2013, 08:52 PM

Walk away from him.. he deserves someone who has made up her mind... you haven't so please out of respect to him let him know and walk away. Its clear if you have these thoughts you really aren't ready to be in a relationship with him.

If you were you wouldn't be thinking this way. Eventually you will find the right person then you will know for sure...

EtKing · Jan 3, 2013, 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Walk away from him..he deserves someone who has made up her mind...you haven't so please out of respect to him let him know and walk away. Its clear if you have these thoughts you really aren't ready to be in a relationship with him.

If you were you wouldn't be thinking this way. Eventually you will find the right person then you will know for sure...

I agree with this answer 100%

SimpleguyJoe · Jan 5, 2013, 09:42 AM

Have you thought about maybe I don't know expressing your feelings to said BF? I know that's what I would do. You have only been in one relationship, you probably want to experiment with other things. Have fun, live on the wild side, or do whatever guilt free. I'd be willing to bet that the feelings you have for him are personified in his image, not his actual qualities and virtues in the real world.

I'd spend some time really thinking about why you think about this other guy. You have to think, does this other guy buy you nice things, does he open the door to his car for you, help you to your seat, comfort you for years on end? I'd be guessing that you really don't know this guy as well as you think you do. You just want to experience (the possibly bad side of) other relationships and feelings.

It doesn't have to be the end, express your feeling of missing out on other parts of life and do what you have been doing for the past three years, work as a team to deal with your issues. If the dude is truly in love with you and committed he will find a way to keep you. But that does not mean you have a free pass to go whore around and make the guy go loopy. Maybe suggest a break for a few months and see where it gets you.

Enigma1999 · Jan 5, 2013, 09:55 AM

This just means that you aren't ready for commitment, which is fine and all, but ti be fair, you should tell your boyfriend.

Just out of curiosity though, if your boyfriend is as great as you say, then why risk losing him?

talaniman · Jan 5, 2013, 10:28 AM

Thoughts of others and the wish to explore and experiment are very common in young lovers. Its also common in committed couple who are having a rough go of it. It's a conflict between risking a break up,and what you have and taking a risk of finding better than you have.

Make a decision on what YOU really want and follow through. Either way, its about you dealing with YOUR own feelings and making the choice that's right for you, and its not easy after being with one for 3 years. Make it easy on yourself by keeping thoughts and fantasies within the boundaries of good behavior, and focus on the guy you have rather than the one you think of since it probably a one sided passing fantasy that requires no work to enjoy and be happy with.

If you want to marry this fellow someday, don't screw it up with acting on random thoughts over being temporarily attracted to others. It fades when you focus on reality.

madjack7 · Jan 5, 2013, 01:45 PM

I think you should stick it out with your BF, it sounds like a lot of hard work has gone in to this relationship so I wouldn't give it up so quickly. In time feelings for another guy will pass if you ignore them. Having said that you might find yourself drifting further from your boyfriend and then I would let go like the other guys in here think.

smoothy · Jan 5, 2013, 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by madjack7

I think you should stick it out with your BF, it sounds like a lot of hard work has gone in to this relationship so I wouldn't give it up so quickly. In time feelings for another guy will pass if you ignore them. Having said that you might find yourself drifting further from your boyfriend and then I would let go like the other guys in here think.

I'm guessing you are really young...

If you have to put "HARD WORK" into any relationship... then its not working on a fundamental level and all the work in the world isn't going to fix it. All you would be doing is wasting months or even years you will never get back and could have used to find someone who actually IS better.

While you can never neglect a relationship... if it was meant to be.. you would not have to work hard to keep it.

If its not easy now... when it should be... iits never going to be... it only gets harder.

Jiser · Jan 5, 2013, 06:08 PM

If you love him you must communicate with each other. If you don't and want to see other men and try new things then don't waste his time and don't waste yours.

The grass is not always greener on the other side and if you decide you want him back don't expect him to be there when you come back.

As talinman quote says 'do not make someone else a priority in your life if they don't in theirs.'

Either way you have got to make this decision yourself. If you cannot sort things with your current BF by communicating then move on and go no contact. Tell him face to face.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 5, 2013, 07:21 PM

Being in love is not enough, there has to be communication. But also, you will and he will often wonder what if, this or that. Or have some interest in another person.

The other issue is, do you have your own life ? Being a couple does not mean you can't have some of your own friends, go to a party if he does not want to go with you ( but he should have a chance to go if he wants) My wife and I often go to other events without each other, go out with friends without the other. It is called trust.

ArmstrongMiller · Jan 5, 2013, 11:30 PM

OMG！ To be or not to be --that is your question. Best wishes.