[barracudamuscle]

Ok, I know you guys/gals probably get this all the time, am I/We ready...

I met my girlfriend on vacation a little over a year ago, and we talked several times week over the phone. ( I lived in another state) and I flew to see her once or twice a month at best. Well In May of last year we made it official, we saw each other more and more and talked every day, and in November I got a job close to hear. Kind of. I deploy overseas part of the year usually 3 month rotations over and back. Since I moved here and see her a lot, its been awesome, no fights (ever) were always happy to do anything, etc. I couldn't have made a better girl in my opinion she's supportive of me even with my new risky job. Yea yea I know what your saying, he's blinded by the fog of lust or what ever you want to call it. But it seems like we were meant for each other. My last relationship was 2 years and that was rough, fights all the time, controlling, etc. finally ending when she got mad I wouldn't ask her to marry me after I found out she was cheating with a 17 year old. Go figure! But this relationship is like my dream come true. I can't find any faults and believe me I've tried. I know I can trust her while I'm overseas, and I know I can trust myself, Ive been cheated on a few times and it blows. I have no desire to hookup with any girls( besides her ) what so ever, I love this one I don't want to lose her for some stupid lust. Anyway, I deploy in a few weeks to very bad area which has quite a bit of risk. I was originally going to wait her out and see with how she does not seeing me for 3 months at a time for a few times then ask if it was all good, but I have several issues with this... A; it doesn't seem fair to make her wait while I do my thing with no sense of security or payback; B I'm also 23 and I guess the going rate for divorces is 5 years I don't want to lose half my stuff if its early lol All the guys at work make fun of marrige as probably 75% are single and divorced but the 25% make it work which I think we can C; I got to think as a team, if something happens over there I want her to be covered you know? Also she should reap the benefits of me being gone by having a good financial situation "we" built D; Would her parents be OK with it? We get along really well, they are like my second home. I feel ready, I feel she is too, we always joke about getting married, and I act like I'm going to take us to the court house to sign papers and she's like OK lets go then. Or stay the night with me, she's like OK but you better go get my stuff from my parents house tommorow( Her parents are religious and believe in the old ways, marriage before spending the night or in the same bed, aka sex) We look at housing together and plan as a "we" and speak a lot about us, when were marrid one day some day kind of stuff. I have been thinking about doing it once I get back from my first deployment, granted things go well as they have been so far. Does it seem to early to commit to this a year and a half of being a couple?We have proven the long distance thing works being that's how it started and was for a few months I have no problems being with her forever and she proclaims the same, hehe. ( I guess marrige is a two person game? ;) ) Sorry for the novel as I can't seem to get my point across. Thanks for reading!

[jonjons1girl]

Definitely you should! It sounds like she thinks the same way you do if she is always agreeing to your comments. Her parents would be great with it, just ask them both! I know your supposed to ask the dad and all (out of respect) but I know it will make her mom feel honored too, if you ask them both before you pop the question to her (your girl). I don't think it's to soon, if you both have a great relationship and trust each other then GO FOR IT! You will make her very happy, and yes it will give her something to do while your gone... PLAN! It does sound like you have it all together, and I think it would be great for you too.

PLEASE just let me know if you decide to and how it goes. I would love to hear all about it. I myself am getting married after a 5 1/2 year commitment on April 21. Way to long to wait in my opinion, we just had a lot of stuff (college and etc.) to get worked out before we could do it. I am so excited! She will be excited that you love her that much and want to be with her forever. My only other question is will you tell her you asked for advice later down the road about yall's marriage? I think it would be a great thing to tell her like 1 year after you proposed, kind of like a special little secret. My honey and I, to this day, tell each other secrets that mean something to us on special occasions, and it means a lot. Its funny and romantic, it's a way of honoring your decision and making your proposal a special memory.

GOOD LUCK, I am so glad you have found your true love! And that you don't let those fools around you at work get you down! They are probably just miserable and need to find their love of their life, like you! True love like you described is hard to find, grab it and don't let go!

[barracudamuscle]

Thanks for answering my question. I don't want to wait 5 years to get married for sure. I'm somewhat anxious, but not like I have to do it now to move in and expand our relationship even more. We hate it when we have to leave each others places every night at midnight even on weekends just to get up early again an do it all over again. I try to ignore all the guys at work who discourage marriage. Its tough, in my line of work its not the best job for relationships unless she's a digging for gold and materialistic, but she's not, I had her before I had money. Some guys love there wives, and their wives are used to him being gone since they came out of the military. I figure if military wives can go a year or a little more then 3 months should be cake (so to speak). I though about waiting till she went back to college and got it done but it seems like marriage wouldn't keep that from happening maybe just promote it. Since I'm gone for a fair amount of time she's going to take classes while I'm gone and only have a few while I'm back. And I'll be doing some online courses overseas if I can get internet, so college is going to happen regardless. One more thing, that was my other question... I know old morals and stuff your supposed to ask the dad for permission, but now it seems like that's no longer used. I'm more nervous to ask them then her, lol. I have some time to do figure it out obviously, and want to respect their feelings. I have been pondering asking when I get back a month later on our cruise to Alaska ( Life long wanted trip finally goning happen) bt its still a thought. Anyway thanks for your input, and letting me vent ( or think it out in my head more) And yes I will tell her I was a little skidish down the road.

[valinors_sorrow]

I believe that if you are old enough to support yourself, then you are old enough to make important decisions like those concerning relationships and marriage. You both sound young but you know the score about marriages failing. Number one cause is lack of honest communication which breeds mistrust. Not having fights is not necessarily all there is to it, okay? Look at how well you two solve things, make mutual decisions or negotiate disagreements as a good indicator.

This is a little fast so bear that in mind. Be sure you both feel the same way about this commitment and that you will honor being honest with each other no matter what (there will come times when that may be hard to do, okay?) If you are fine on these issues, then I say go for it with my blessings (like you needed those but still, I mean it's a good thing LOL)! It may be wise to arrange a wedding date for when you return though, so that you can stick around a bit more in the beginning. It would be a bit strange to marry and be separated immediately, I would think?

[barracudamuscle]

Yes I agree. I don't plan on doing anything till after I get back so that's not a issue at all. If anything when I fcomes down to it well plan it so once I get back well get married ( after planning awhile Im sure) I'll have some time back here to settle in before I got to head out. We actually have a pretty open relationship and discuss any issues before they turn into problems. Like expectations, likes dislikes, etc. And were on the same page, but well see I am young but I guess I have some time to think about it while I'm deployed ;) Thanks for your two cents!