[tj081991]

We live together, have a baby together, engaged. Now, I understand guys need to get off, not saying he cant. Disgusted by porn. I find it appalling and degrading. We have a good sex life. I was on my period, he went and looked at it. Found him doing it once before, and the time before that it was to a cell phone picture of a girl we went to high school with that he didn't even hook up with, someone sent him it a long time before that. I find that one creepy and utterly disgusting that he went and got off to some girl we know personally when I was three months pregnant. My baby's now four months. I told him how I felt previously and to not do it again. Lie after lie. So if we live together, why wouldn't he just tell me he needed something? I just don't understand it all. I can't get over it, lost all sexual desire towards him. I don't even want him to kiss or touch me. He had pictures of me on his phone for that exact reason, if he wanted to do it himself he wouldn't need to look at other girls. I don't care if he gets himself off, just digusted by the fact that he did it to some other girl. I gave him everything he would need to not go looking at someone else. He wants us to work it out. How am I supposed to get over it and am I over reacting?

[Wondergirl]

Yes, you're overreacting. I will let some of the guys here fill you in on what in going on in his head.

[tj081991]

See, I know it's normal and a guy thing. My last relationship screwed me up pretty bad. I was both emotionally and physically abused. He'd cheat on me, come home to me, tell me I wasn't good enough. (as he was cheating on me with an ugly girl who got around) I was 5'5, 150 pounds and not terrible looking, and she was 5'3 300 lbs, she'd have sex with guys with her kids in the room beside her, had them walk in and ask about multiple guys etc. I'm not one to judge, I don't mind if you're over weight, it's just the other girl factor. Tell me all the time that I should be more like this girl, that girl, look at her chest and butt, whatever. So myself esteem is pretty low. My fiancé knows how he used to treat me and knows that I can't be down graded like that or else I lose it. He was aware of this from before the first time. Hes only had sex with one girl before me, which was his previous girlfriend. I trust he won't cheat, it's just the fact that I was put down so bad before, and when he does this, it takes me back to feeling the same way as my previous ex.

[Wondergirl]

Then it behooves you to decide not to feel that way with this guy. It's not him, after all, it's your problem based on your personal history, so make the decision it will not be a problem.

You trust him to not cheat. Now, tell him all this and love him with all your heart.

[tj081991]

It's hard for me though, because I don't feel like I'm good enough because the previous said I wasn't, and he has made me fully believe that I'm not and I'm not sure if I'll ever truly believe I am. I know he's not the same person, and I do love him more then anything, and besides this, he's treated me like gold. It's just very hard because of him looking/watching other girls, brings it all back to me. It's just very complicating.

[Wondergirl]

I know you're good enough and you've had his beautiful and adorable baby. What if he went to more generic porn and not someone you and he know?

[tj081991]

I would have been more okay with it if he would have done that from the beginning. He's looked at random online the past two times. I asked why he looked, he replied he needed to, and I said so your "junk" made you look at another girl and he gets speechless and doesn't know what to say. I asked why he didn't just ask me if he needed something, which I would have been perfectly content with, if he wanted it to be fast, then fine. I'm very open and leaniant with things. He comes back with an "I don't know".

[Wondergirl]

Have you read some of the other threads here and the posts that explain why guys seek out porn (and why they bypass the girlfriend or wife)?

[tj081991]

I read one, but I haven't really browsed.

[Wondergirl]

There are lots of threads like this one. Do some more reading, and hopefully, some of our experts will come online and wander over here.

[tj081991]

I hope, I need some more input, haha. Thank you though, you've definitely helped me. I just don't want to talk about it to any of my friends, because they're all his friends. I don't want them knowing our business. Appreciated.

[Wondergirl]

We are always here, so don't hesitate to knock on our door. We don't know the answer to EVERYthing, but we try :) or at least try to guide you to people in your real life who will help you better than we can.