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Anna75 · Dec 11, 2012, 08:48 PM

I have been seeing this guy (Chris) for 11 months.. very sticky situation. He is a police officer in my ex-fiance's precinct, I was left at the altar last December and had my heart ripped out... I met Chris in January on an internet dating site, he looked familiar and then I realized who he was. I always thought he was a good looking guy but I was very taken. Being that I was single now and not wasting anymore time with idiots I decided to take the plunge and email him... Chris and my ex are not friends, they just work in the same precinct. We see each other maybe 2 times a month - we do not always hook-up... sometimes I will go to his house and we just cuddle and watch TV, other times we do hook up but we have not actually had SEX since May. On a few occasions Chris has gotten drunk and told a few people at work about me, which was a big no-no, only because I do not want Chris to have issues at work with my ex. Even though my ex fiancé has no say in anything, I just wouldn't want problems for Chris. If I could have a relationship with him, I would in a heartbeat! I love the boy. Now he is a very quiet and shy person and never really speaks what he is feeling.

Before him and I had sex back in February for the first time, he had said that sex leads to feelings... it was almost as if he were hesitant because he didn't want me to become a clinger lol I am far from a clinger, I never text him or harass him, its so not like that.

So fast forward to 2 months ago - we were in Vegas the same weekend as each other... he was with his friends, I was with mine - we ended up seeing each other out there one of the nights... he had called me the night before I arrived while he was drinking a bit and told me that he told some friends from work about "us"... what he said I have no idea... point is, he was talking about me to people from work. Now while in vegas, I had given him a letter stating how I felt about him - I told him how I know we aren't in a relationship but I did want to get to know him better etc... and basically asking him how he felt about me. No response at all.I have seen him a few times since then... and he has not brought up the letter at all.

Last night we were texting - I mentioned having sex with him and asked how come we haven't since May and he said "I just dont wanna" - so now I feel hurt because I think its ME - meanwhile I haven't done anything wrong... I am trying to figure out why. SO I finally said "please just tell me if you have any feelings for me at all" and he said "as a friend" - however... he still wants to hook up with me, just not have sex with me... Now how does this even make sense? If you like someone just as a friend, but want to hook up, but not have sex - what the heck does that even mean??

The guy doesn't always hook up with me, or use me for sex - so obviously I'm Not a booty call - he KNOWS how I feel about him and could have kicked me to the curb a long time ago.

Could it be that he is getting feelings for me and just won't admit it?? Maybe because he sees my Ex everyday he feels that we would never be able to be anything??

Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated!! THANKS

Homegirl 50 · Dec 12, 2012, 08:36 AM

It could mean he likes you as a friend but not as a girl friend and he could be gay.
Stop pressuring him. Either be just a friend or leave him alone.

Anna75 · Dec 12, 2012, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

It could mean he likes you as a friend but not as a girl friend and he could be gay.
Stop pressuring him. Either be just a friend or leave him alone.

Hmmm well I'm not pressuring him into anything just xurious how he felt about me... I just want to know how he feels.. . sooo now he said he likes me as a friend, and I say OK so then no more hooking up... but he still wants to?

talaniman · Dec 12, 2012, 02:33 PM

Pretty obvious he just wants a casual no commitment, no hassle friends kind of thing and wondering how he feels seems to be a big distraction of false hope. Enjoy the time but just know this goes nowhere fast.

Since he knows how YOU feel, and keeps you at a distance, I would say this isn't about romance at this time, or he has his eyes elsewhere. Either way, he ain't the one. Can't say as I blame him considering you want this kept from your ex. That alone would make me VERY cautious.

Anna75 · Dec 12, 2012, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Pretty obvious he just wants a casual no commitment, no hassle friends kind of thing and wondering how he feels seems to be a big distraction of false hope. Enjoy the time but just know this goes nowhere fast.

Since he knows how YOU feel, and keeps you at a distance, I would say this isn't about romance at this time, or he has his eyes elsewhere. Either way, he ain't the one. Can't say as I blame him considering you want this kept from your ex. That alone would make me VERY cautious.

Well I couldn't care less if my ex knows... he did me wrong and its his loss... I just did not want trouble for chris. Ahhhh sux liking someone who just doesn't feel the same :(

Homegirl 50 · Dec 12, 2012, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by Anna75

Hmmm well I'm not pressuring him into anything just xurious how he felt about me... i just wanna know how he feels... ... .. sooo now he said he likes me as a friend, and i say ok so then no more hooking up.... but he still wants to??

He says he likes you as a friend. Let's keep in touch. It means nothing.
Back away. He is not the one, does not want a relationship.

slapshot_oi · Dec 12, 2012, 04:08 PM

Originally Posted by Anna75

Well i could care less if my ex knows.... he did me wrong and its his loss.... i just did not want trouble for chris. Ahhhh sux liking someone who just doesn't feel the same

Don't kid yourself. You clearly care if your ex knows about your relationship with Chris. If you actually didn't care, then you wouldn't have minded when Chris told his coworkers about you.

You completely missed the point of talaniman's post. He was calling attention to the boundaries that are set on your relationship with Chris, he wasn't talking about your ex's feelings. In other words, Chris must date you on your terms; it's and unbalanced relationship.

Forget friends with benefits, you're not even friends with this guy. Friends are comfortable around each other and talk to each other regularly.

Move on to someone else.

slapshot_oi · Dec 13, 2012, 12:37 PM

I failed to mention that your relationship with Chris is a rebound. You started dating him immediately after you were left on the alter. I can't imagine how that feels. Needless to say, you need to take a lot of time to heal so you'll be ready to date again. Don't date anyone for the time being, when you do, it distracts you from healing.

Anna75 · Dec 13, 2012, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

I failed to mention that your relationship with Chris is a rebound. You started dating him immediately after you were left on the alter. I can't imagine how that feels. Needless to say, you need to take a lot of time to heal so you'll be ready to date again. Don't date anyone for the time being, when you do, it distracts you from healing.

Thank you for the input - I appreciate everyone's responses...