Check out some similar questions!

Monia80 · Mar 14, 2007, 06:04 PM

We have been married for 3 years, dating on and off for almoust 4 before that. I tought I had my life all figured out and now he just ripped my heart out. He said he is NOT IN LOVE anymore and left. I feel cheated, miserable and I just want to scream and die. When will it stop hurting?

kp2171 · Mar 14, 2007, 06:13 PM

My friend took two years before she was grounded again.

And, meaning no disrespect, my wife says people often go "crazy" for a time after they've been left by a spouse. Meaning you are so turned around it can take a lot of time to get centered again. You grasp at things to try to be happy. You are just reaching into air for a time. The person who left has been thinking about it for some time. You... well, you were busy honoring your vows.

So... you need to go though all the sadness and rage and anger and frustration... and there's no perfect answer.

I haven't been through it. My friend has. Shed say now that she's mostly sad a bit, glad she knows the truth, and not aching so much anymore after two years.

Monia80 · Mar 14, 2007, 06:51 PM

2 years seems like a lot. I'm only deling with this for 2 weeks I'm still at our place- he moved out but eventually (by the end of this month) I have to go. I begged him to stay I called him a lot (doesn't pick up the phon most of the time) I think that "crazy" is just about my description right now. I just want him back and I feel like I'm just not strong enough. I can't even ask GOD for help anymore. I think that I'm ashamed of going throughout that. I taught I had it all figured out the whole happy ever after and now I feel like there is no more after not mentioning happy. I just want him to know that I would do anything to make him happy, but since I couldn't make him happy for past six years then I guess there is no hope for me.

Thank you

FLBird · Mar 17, 2007, 06:33 AM

Since I'm, very very recently, going through a similar situation, I'll share with you the thoughts that are helping me cope.

Let me give you some background first. I've been with my husband for the past 34+ years, we have 2 children and have been married for almost 31 years! Thought everything was good and we were going to move on to our "empty-nest" future together. Well, that's not to be... his decision... not mine.

What's been helping me get to a rational, sane place is this... I look at all the stuff others are going through... ie. Jennifer Aniston- this poor woman can't get away from the fact that her husband cheated (probably) on her in front of the whole world! Every time she walks past a newstand or goes to the supermarket... there, in full view... in her face are pics of her ex with the woman he left her for, their kids, and their perfect life together traveling all over the world. Now let me ask you... how does someone live with a situation like that? It seemed like she didn't know about their problems until it was too late. I'm sure she still loved him when he told her he was leaving. At least I (and you) are able to deal with our hurt in a more private manner with those we love around us to lend us advice and emotional support. Look at Reese Witherspoon and all the other Hollywood stars who have been in fairly long term relationships and then are left by their spouses. We need to take a lesson from them and move on... not an easy thing to do, but when you think about it, you've probably been through other difficult situations in your life and have survived. Sometimes you're even better off for it. You'll get through this as well.

You didn't mention any children... let me just say that you are lucky this happened to you when it did. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You'll end up meeting someone who wants to be with you, love you, and build a life with you. Have enough self respect to not beg your ex to come back. You'll always wonder when the next shoe will drop.

Here's a quote I came across that's really helping me, I hope it helps you as well:

"It is in most difficult and most trying times that the opportunity for change presents itself."

Just hang in there and you'll make it through this. Have the confidence in yourself to know that you're strong enough to survive without your husband.

Good luck and I wish you well...

valinors_sorrow · Mar 17, 2007, 06:43 AM

The pain eases off slowly over time. A little more one day, a little less the next... until enough time passes that you can finally see that it is indeed fading. Heed the wise awareness others have posted here and be careful with you in this fragile time. Grief is a process that has fairly predictable stages but at the same time is as individual as we are. Spend time in safe company and take it easy on you while you heal. I am sorry for your loss.