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Should I marry my boyfriend who is 30years older than me?
I love him very much and he is my first man.
Our relationship has lasted for 2 years. Now Im in a very awkward situation, I didn't expect our relationship would go this far, and he wants to marry me, but Im hesitated to do that bcos of the big age difference. I tried to break up with him, but the feeling could kill me... I love him so much and I couldn't make it Now Im stuck in this situation What should I do? |
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How old are you and how old is your boyfriend?
You say you love him but then say you are not sure? What you need to do is think about what is right for you, what makes you happy. Joe |
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Im 26... I met him when I was 24...
And that's not the worst part The thing is as I didn't want to marry him and I wanted to get rid of the crazy feeling about him, I married to someone else a couple of months ago, he loves me very much, I like him and I thought it might develop to love after a while. But now I find Im still madly in love with my boyfriend, not my husband... and neither of them has an idea about what's going on... my husband is a good guy but I just can't shift my focus to him... and I don't know if I will love him in the future... I never felt so frustrated before... |
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 Originally Posted by jingjing2007
You should re-evaluate your situation before doing anything or get anyone hurt, including yourself. |
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I know its terrible... Im a terrible person... I don't know how I get involved in such a mess
Do u guys think age difference is very important in a marriage? |
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Uh, not nearly as important as having a boyfriend on the side. First things first, figure out whether you want to be married to this man, quickly. He deserves to have a wife that actually wants to be there and is willing to focus on THAT relationship. You don't marry people you "like", you marry the one you love. If you're going to try and make the marriage work, you have to remove this distraction from your life and focus on your husband.
If you leave your husband, yes of course the age difference is important. I'm not saying it should be a deal-breaker but you need to be more practical about your second marriage than you were about the first. When you are 30 years old he will be 60! Do you really think your interests, physical desires, etc. are going to line up? How does all of this line up with your expectations as far as children? The average life expectancy for a male as of 2004 was 75.2 years... so the probability of being a widow in your 40s is definitely there. I'm not trying to be harsh here... do what you think is right for you but don't go into it as blindly as you did the first time. |
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The age difference is not your problem, cheating on your husband is. You only get out of a marriage what you put into it. By being so distracted by the old guy its no wonder that you cannot focus on your husband. Leave the boyfriend alone, period and put that energy into making the marriage work. He deserves that. Why marry a guy, when you had a b/f you claim to love so much? You need to work hard to clear up the mess you've made. They both deserve better.
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Originally Posted by jingjing2007
What if you tell the older man about your husband? How do you think he will respond? Maybe you should tell them both and let them decide what happens. Otherwise more people could get hurt out of this... If you really love this man, then why do you still keep such a big secret from him? |
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I told my boyfriend... he knew I had trouble with his age... he got hurt but he gave me the 2nd chance... he wants to see me take some real actions to prove I will be with him... I just wonder if its worth divocing my husband and risk marrying my boyfriend...
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2nd chanch. He got hurt. Huh. You're messed up. You still do not get any of this do you. I have a few choice words but they are not nice.
You're not mature enough to have any person in your life. You're not mature enough to have a boyfriend or to be married. You're unfaithful and a cheat, you need to tell your husband so he can decide to divorce you or not. Then you need to tell your boyfriend to leave you alone because honestly the grass is not greener on the other side and if you think it is you're going to continue to mess up your own life plus everybody around you. Time to stop acting so dense and stop trying to justify what your doing and end it with both people. You have a lot of growing up to do and maybe after you get past all this. One day you truly be ready for a commitement. Joe |
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This is the type of question that YOU can only truly decide on.
I will not go on how I DON'T BELIEVE IN CHEATING I will not judge you, for nobody but the ones you are hurting should do that. YOU should be honest and be mature enough to tell both men YOUR HUSBAND should know what has been going on behind his back THE BOYFRIEND should know you are just not mature enough to commit to any one man. |
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Dump the older man... at this point in his life... he is looking for a caretaker... you willing to change his diapers?
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I think you are right... all he wants to find is someone who can love and take care of him... thats why I was in such a hurry to step in a marriage... he has too much experience to capture my attention... but I was in the hope that maybe he truly loves me... that will make me feel a little better... I hate myself loving him so much and ruin my life... I truly didn't mean to hurt anybody...
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It makes me sad to read such things (not getting at the orig poster) I have been with my man for 6 years and for the last few months I have wanted to be married to him not to get a ring, but because I love his guy with all that I am, it would make me PROUD to be his wife, please do right by your husband and tell him, you don't need to destroy his life because you love someone else, I personally don't think you love your boyfriend either as you asked the original question about having doubts about his age,age shouldn't come into it if you love someone, I think you need to be alone for a while to sort your life out, and let your husband sort his out without you
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Personaly - that's way too big of an age difference.
When he's 70 nad failing health... you'll be 40 and in your prime and wanting to travel and do fantasitc things - and WILL hold you up. Women I ntheir 40's get so much done!! It would be such a waste to 50 years old - tons of energy - wanting to go out and the 80 year ol man needs to go to bed. Women in their 40's and 50's today are more like women in the 30's like 30 years ago. You waste a lot of your life on this guy. |
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