[jonathan64]

The women you have encountered are not the norm. And do not wear a big R (for rejection) on your shirt front! We women get rejected all the time. (Women should wear shirts with a big R on the front!) It's part of the human condition, to be rejected and to learn how to get past that and know how to like yourself and honor yourself and believe in yourself.

So stop obsessing over having been rejected (if you want to call it that) or thinking you will be. Put your date first over yourself. Make her the most interesting thing that has crossed your path all day. Don't even mention any previous rejections or even that you are a virgin. Look for an emotional connection -- and there may not be one most of the time, for you as well as for her -- but that's okay.

When I was your age, 90% of males and females were virgins, and we lived to tell about it. We were shocked and horrified if someone HAD indulged in sex. Too bad the world is changing into a sex-crazed place.

With all respect, but I doubt that 90% of the females and males ever were virgins at the age of 38 anywhere. The average age for givining birh has always been much lower and I don't think the age of 38 ever has been a norm even if it perhaps was more common earlier. Nevertheless I appreciate your support but I would also like to hear other women's view to get a balance picture.

[Wondergirl]

With all respect, but I doubt that 90% of the females and males ever were virgins at the age of 38 anywhere.

In every generation there are adults who have never had sex, who go to their graves never having had sex. My uncle was one who died in his 70s without ever having had sex, his two maiden aunts had never had sex and also died in their 70s, an aunt on the other side of the family died in her 80s without having had sex -- and that's in a very small part of my family and were four people who were related and lived within three miles of each other.

My point is that one doesn't have to have sex in order to have a complete and interesting life -- and those four relatives had challenging jobs and wonderful social lives. What are you doing to have an interesting life apart from sex? You are making sex a much bigger issue than it should be. In the great scheme of things, on a scale of 1-10, sex sits at around a 3.

[jonathan64]

In every generation there are adults who have never had sex, who go to their graves never having had sex. My uncle was one who died in his 70s without ever having had sex, his two maiden aunts had never had sex and also died in their 70s, an aunt on the other side of the family died in her 80s without having had sex -- and that's in a very small part of my family and were four people who were related and lived within three miles of each other.

My point is that one doesn't have to have sex in order to have a complete and interesting life -- and those four relatives had challenging jobs and wonderful social lives. What are you doing to have an interesting life apart from sex? You are making sex a much bigger issue than it should be. In the great scheme of things, on a scale of 1-10, sex sits at around a 3.

OK, you have a point. I wonder, did they deliberately stay away from sex and relations or did they try to find someone to share their lives with? I am sure I can have a good social life with some practice, but I will never will be able to live a life without love, care, caressess, sharing happiness and sorrow with a woman. Sex is a part of this but not all of it. And my fear started with that women have difficulties with virgins who were 'old'.

[Enigma1999]

With all respect, but I doubt that 90% of the females and males ever were virgins at the age of 38 anywhere. The average age for givining birh has always been much lower and I don't think the age of 38 ever has been a norm even if it perhaps was more common earlier. Nevertheless I appreciate your support but I would also like to hear other womens view to get a balance picture.

I have to agree here. WG, I am not quite sure of your age, but I am sorry to say that I don't agree with 90% of people were virgins at 38. John is correct. Many people were married with families in their twenties. I am guessing you are part of the baby boomers?

It is uncommon for a male to be a virgin at 38 years of age. I'm not saying it can't and doesn't happen, it's just uncommon.

Speaking for the present day, many teens are engaging in sex at an early age.

The only part I don't understand about all of this is that women are rejecting him AFTER they learn he is a virgin.

That I don't understand.

[jonathan64]

I have to agree here. WG, I am not quite sure of your age, but I am sorry to say that I don't agree with 90% of people were virgins at 38. John is correct. Many people were married with families in their twenties. I am guessing you are part of the baby boomers?

It is uncommon for a male to be a virgin at 38 years of age. I'm not saying it can't and doesn't happen, it's just uncommon.

Speaking for the present day, many teens are engaging in sex at an early age.

The only part I don't understand about all of this is that women are rejecting him AFTER they learn he is a virgin.

That I don't understand.

Thanks! I believe people (both men and women) generally starts with sex today than in previous generation. I'm also happy that you don't understand these women because this tells me I stumbled into the wrong women and that their view is by no means a common view among vomen. This is at least somewhat reassuring to me.

[Wondergirl]

OK, you have a point. I wonder, did they deliberately stay away from sex and relations or did they try to find someone to share their lives with? I am sure I can have a good social life with some practice, but I will never will be able to live a life without love, care, caressess, sharing happiness and sorrow with a woman. Sex is a part of this but not all of it. And my fear started with that women have difficulties with virgins who were 'old'.

They all dated and had lots of friends but never found the right one for marriage.

Of course, in today's world with so much attention in the media and in movies being all about sex, any virgin over the age of 10 is going to have a problem with society.

It depends on where you are looking for and finding these women who are bent out of shape about your being a virgin at 38.

I have to agree here. WG, I am not quite sure of your age, but I am sorry to say that I don't agree with 90% of people were virgins at 38.

I grew up during the '50s and early '60s. Guess the world has changed for the worse.

[jonathan64]

They all dated and had lots of friends but never found the right one for marriage.

Of course, in today's world with so much attention in the media and in movies being all about sex, any virgin over the age of 10 is going to have a problem with society.

It depends on where you are looking for and finding these women who are bent out of shape about your being a virgin at 38.

I have looked to find women among friends, colleagues, at bars, next door, at the grocery store, on internet. So I think I have tried quite well despite of my poor self esteem. Even if you have concerns that I worry about not having had sex, do you understand my concern for living without love, caressess, sharing joy and sorrow, someone to snuggle with cold winters etc?

[Wondergirl]

I have looked to find women among friends, collegues, at bars, next door, at the grocery store, on internet. So I think I have tried quite well despite of my poor self esteem. Even if you have concerns that I worry about not having had sex, do you understand my concern for living without love, caressess, sharing joy and sorrow, someone to snuggle with cold winters etc?

I totally have understanding. I have two virgin unmarried sons, ages 42 and 36.

[joypulv]

Dare I suggest a sex therapist, to give you confidence?

[slapshot_oi]

We were on our 3rd date, had seen a movie and she wondered if I wanted to spend the night at her place... I told her that I certainely wanted but I need to tell her something first. So I did. And then she got a bit upset, close to freaked out, and told me that she was terribly sorry, but she couldn't take this. So she took off.

I am convinced she walked away because you brought up sex. Your virginity has absolutely nothing to do with it. The fact that you made it known that you were expecting sex turned her off immediately.

Because you believe women will find you unattractive because you're a virgin, you're actually sabotaging opportunities that come your way.

Don't tell a woman you're a virigin unless your both naked and in bed. I guarantee she will stay in bed with you.

[Enigma1999]

"I totally have understanding. I have two virgin unmarried sons, ages 42 and 36."

WG, I am not trying to pick on you, but why are two grown men sharing their sexual status with their mother?

[Wondergirl]

"I totally have understanding. I have two virgin unmarried sons, ages 42 and 36."

WG, I am not trying to pick on you, but why are two grown men sharing their sexual status with their mother?

Both are Christian and don't believe in having sex before marriage. No one "shared" anything.

[Enigma1999]

"Both are Christian and don't believe in having sex before marriage. No one "shared" anything."

WG, I am not sure that your advice is very helpful for John. I do understand where you are coming from, however, the fact that you stated that "90%" of people were virgins in your day, is inaccurate.

Also, your two grown boys are virgins because of religious purposes. This is not the case for John. You, and your family are a different case here altogether.

I just believe that if we are going to give John advice on this subject, we have to let him know that virginity in 38 year-old men is not as common as YOU are making it sound.

John, please understand that I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that, I just KNOW where you are coming from, and if it were ME in this very situation, then hell yes I would have many concerns as well. Not just about sex but love too. John, I know you are not trying to get laid, I see that you are confused as to why you haven't found love yet ALSO that women have rejected you when they have learned you are a virgin. I think Slapshot said it best! I strongly believe that you shouldn't announce that until either it is brought up by the woman OR when you two have grown to share one another.

Does that make sense? Also John, I DO think that three dates is too soon for making love.

You seem like a very nice guy. I am not just saying that either. I understand your concerns and questions.

[jonathan64]

"Both are Christian and don't believe in having sex before marriage. No one "shared" anything."

WG, I am not sure that your advice is very helpful for John. I do understand where you are coming from, however, the fact that you stated that "90%" of people were virgins in your day, is inaccurate.

Also, your two grown boys are virgins because of religious purposes. This is not the case for John. You, and your family are a different case here altogether.

I just believe that if we are going to give John advice on this subject, we have to let him know that virginity in 38 year-old men is not as common as YOU are making it sound.

John, please understand that I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that, I just KNOW where you are coming from, and if it were ME in this very situation, then hell yes I would have many concerns as well. Not just about sex but love too. John, I know you are not trying to get laid, I see that you are confused as to why you haven't found love yet ALSO that women have rejected you when they have learned you are a virgin. I think Slapshot said it best! I strongly believe that you shouldn't announce that until either it is brought up by the woman OR when you two have grown to share one another.

Does that make sense? Also John, I DO think that three dates is too soon for making love.

You seem like a very nice guy. I am not just saying that either. I understand your concerns and questions.

Thanks for understanding! You all may know better than I what is too soon and what is less soon. However I would like to say again that regarding the 2 women, they both suggested that I should spend the night with them. To me this sounded like that they wanted to make love. So this is where I told them. But still, I know I could have waited until we actually were at her place, or even not tell at all. But I just wanted to be honest so that they wouldn't be too disappointed. Next time, if it comes, I will probably not say anything until afterwards. And thanks also for confirming that being 38 and never have had sex is not common. I really had difficult to believe that. And I'm glad that you do think there is hope for me.

[Wondergirl]

WG, I am not sure that your advice is very helpful for John. I do understand where you are coming from, however, the fact that you stated that "90%" of people were virgins in your day, is inaccurate.

Back in the '50s and '60s, most unmarrieds were virgins. Only in today's world with media and Hollywood influences has that changed.

Also, your two grown boys are virgins because of religious purposes. This is not the case for John. You, and your family are a different case here altogether.

People have all sorts of reasons for being virgins. Religion is only one of them. I was simply pointing out to him that there are probably more virgins in this world than he can ever imagine. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. And I still don't think he should be making a huge effort to not be one. Finding a woman who will love him with her whole heart --and he doing the same for her -- is his first order of business.

[smoothy]

The only people I personally knew who were still virgins in their late 30's... had some very serious social problems... but then I haven't known all the virgins out there, or even most of them... only a few of them.

[Wondergirl]

The only people I personally knew who were still virgins in their late 30's...had some very serious social problems.....but then I haven't known all the virgins out there.

Stick with me. I'll introduce you!

[smoothy]

Stick with me. I'll introduce you!

I don't want to go through the training process again... I'll stick with someone that knows how to drive already if a vacancy for partner opens up in the future.

[albear]

Im just going to throw this out there.

But if you believe that being a virgin, and being afraid of telling a woman to the point that its unnerving you and affecting how you would normally act, then you could pay for sex and then its not an obstacle for you when you meet women.

[Wondergirl]

I don't want to go through the training process again

And miss out on that wondrous feeling of adventure and mystery??