[donf]

If I were to respond to this missive, I would tell myself to "suck it up", you made the vow!

My Lady and I have been married for 47.5 years. We met when we were 17 and eloped when we were 18. Our first (only living child) burst into our lives when we were 22.

I have always enjoyed being married. I have never regretted being married. I do not want to change being married. One of the most comforting thoughts I have is to return home from where ever I've been. To me, home is wherever my Lady is. Nothing has or will ever change that to me.

To the problem; my Lady's health has prevented any kind of sexual intimacy for just under two years. Intercourse is painfull for her, so is stimulation.

To make matters worse, my doctor has started me on testosorne shots. So now that I can once again, "Leap tall buildings in a single bound, faster then a speeding bullet and stop a speeding train with just one hand." I'm going nuts trying to get her out of her clothes. I KNOW IT WILL CAUSE PAIN SO I JUST WANT THE PLAYGROUNDS OPEN, trust me?

It is impossible to describe just how much I miss the feel of a woman's skin against mine, her scents, her touch, her taste.

I am not trying to be a pig or a louse, but I need to find some satisfaction or I'll go fruit loops. To make my situation even worse, I truly love my Lady and I don't want to cause any pain or misery for her.

I also know that what I want to do is moraly wrong and will most certainly cheapen the woman that might agree to my grovelling, which adds to my guilt/shame (I'm Irish) so I understand how the love of a woman builds you up.

I believe that for a woman to be willing to share herself, that is a statement of caring. Now becaue of my lust I am appearently willing to toss our history into the trash can to be with a woman again.

How can I get so out of whack? This is just not me! I champion marriage vows and keeping them. I'd try slicing my forearms from wrist to elbow but then I would only destroy everything, plus my Lady would proabaly reach into my soul and drag me back so that I could clean up the mess I left behind.

This is driving me batty, Either way I go, I hurt her beyond words, yet I flirt terriebly now. Fortunatley, I am 65, pudgy so the odds of a woman taking me in are proabaly slim to none.

Thanks for letting me rant on.

You know, I have never been single. I've only known one woman my entire life. My Lady, knew about this odd word, "No" while we were dating and to be honest althoug I seriously tried to get my first woman (teen), nothing happened until we married. To be honest, this Lady was worth the wait. When I had to travel for work, I brought her with me and I always home. I'm acting like a school who's just gotten his first real kiss and now doesn't know what to do next. However, I do know how I should behave, I just don't want to behave correctley. I want to be with a woman and toenjoy tender/gentle love making.

Oh well let's hear it for frustration.

Someone here solve all my problems, without any consequences, please.

[odinn7]

You claim that you love her so much... so why would you even consider cheating on her? I get it... I do. But really, you're 65... you've been with her for nearly 48 years... you love her. What is wrong with your hand?

[Enigma1999]

The question is she still worth the wait?

I think we both know the answer to that... You love her. You are in love with her. You take your vows seriously.

I wish I could solve this for you, but I can't.

The feelings you are having are normal. You are human. You are made of flesh and blood. Blood that is pumping through your veins. Believe me, I do have empathy for you.

How do I believe you? Because I am a 35 year-old woman who hasn't made love since April 2010! Yes, sad that I am counting days, months.

I too miss the touch, taste, smell of a man. Sex is the only thing that I can think of that touches all of the five senses. Lol and I miss the hell out of it.

So yes, again, it is natural to have those feelings.

Just out of curiosity, what health issues does your wife have? Why is it painful for her? Is this something that can be helped?

I'm just trying to have a better understanding.

[Enigma1999]

You claim that you love her so much....so why would you even consider cheating on her? I get it...I do. But really, you're 65...you've been with her for nearly 48 years....you love her. What is wrong with your hand?

I totally see where you are coming from! Trust me! I don't think he wants to cheat, I just think he is very frustrated. He could use his hand, but it is not the same, over and over and over again. I am not saying he should cheat. I just know the feeling.

You are right though.

[donf]

Odinn, I'm not making a baseless "Claim". I am making a statement of truth.

Enigma, "Wait" There is no medical solution to her condition for any foreseeable future. I do not live in a world populated by myself, I know that my Lady cannot be happy about the pain.

I will agree that there is a hand solution, however I have never done that in my life. There was never a need to.

Cheating is not an option for me. Besides, if I were to try to justify a "One time" mythical justifacation (it's been two yearsI) what do I do, the next time I get a urge. It certainly would be the easiest resort but not one that would ever rise above the thresshold of a lame excuse.

The problem I am trying to resolve is the emotional battle (?). For me, it is a non-stop finger in your eye thing. The longer the wait, the more obsessed with it I become. I need to find a way to get out of this quagmire. I eat, sleep, think about this.

I need to find a way out and get back to the normal me, so I dumped in this forum because I don't want give into an urge that really will never go away.

[odinn7]

I have to apologize.

My post came off as more harsh than I actually intended it to be. In fact, I didn't even intend it to be harsh... blunt is more what I was going for.

I do understand your problem and I do know what you are trying to say. I was just putting it out there that, unfortunately, you don't have many options... and since you love her, there are even less options.

[joypulv]

Two sentences caught my eye:
One is that her health condition has 'has prevented any kind of sexual intimacy.'
Genital intercourse and stimulation are not the end-all of intimacy. Need I say more?
The other is that you have never masturbated. Now is a good time to start, whether alone or with her present.
Good luck - you sound like a nice guy.

[Enigma1999]

I was not sure what her medical history or future would look like.

I never for one moment got the impression that you wanted to cheat on your wife.

I answered your question the best I could.

As for your thoughts pertaining to this, I do not know how to help.

I could say to keep yourself busy. I could also say speak to your doctor. However, I don't think my saying that will help.

I am sorry. I wish I could give you some words of wisdom, but I do not think it would help. I am not in your situation, therefore I cannot relate.

Hopefully someone else can.

Good luck

[talaniman]

Why are you taking the testosterone?

I have often admired your marriage for longevity, devotion, and love, and loyalty. Maybe this is a new challenge after all this time, but if you bypass the self gratification, you have no other honorable choice but cold turkey adjustment to your situation.

No easy answers sad to say, but in time I have no doubt you will regain your sanity as this life changing circumtance get resolved.

Browse the online sex shops with your wife. Don't forget the batteries!

[donf]

Good morning Tal,

Just to show how far "Out of plumb" I've gone over this, last week I put a post in Craigslist. Never Again! I cancled it the next morning. I got at least 20 responders. Some said, basically, "Pound Sand". But the others sent pictures (most were nudes). Some of the were over the top with what they wanted done to them and what they would do for me. Scared the devil out of me.

Sexual intimacy of just about any kind causes pain because the more excited she gets the more the adhesions cause stuff to pull. The ony recorse we have is major stomach surgrey to get at the existing adhesions. They cannot be reached by "Lap": surgery.

There is still a great deal of intimacy, just not sex. I used to think, up until this started, there was nothing we could not face, but this nightmare is all mine.

I just can't think of a way to shut off that part of my mind! No doubt that if I were a patient of yours, you would call me obsessed. How does one shut down a craving?

Maybe I an find some new Algebra or Resiidential Electrical books and jump in.

As to the shots, several blood tests showed my level at around 250 and the doctor wanted that level much higher. I was given packets of a gel but, the level did not climb high enough so they started with the shots.

To all, thanks for listening to me prattle on!

[talaniman]

You are NOT obsessed my friend, just facing the challenge of finding the proper adjustments that work for you. Tell your doctor of your frustration at this time and lower that dose of testosterone down, or have it adjusted so you won't jump out the window at the first sight of a Thanksgiving day turkey.

Yes you can OD on testosterone, LOL!!

[donf]

AH, cr**, Tal, are you seriously telling me that this is an effect of the shot. That actually makes sense. I've been using the gel pack for most of this year I thought for sure I had adjusted to it.

But the timing of the shots is "Spot" on. I get one shot tomorrow, one next week and then they move the shots to every other week.

If that is the cause, it makes the effect more manageable (I hope) for me.

THANK YOU!

[talaniman]

That's only my guess Don, but I would sure let my doctor know about EVERY thing that has transpired with your thoughts, AND actions lately.

Roid rage is not that unusual among atheletes who are healing from injuries.

[J_9]

Don, look at it this way...

When are guys most horny? When they are teens of course. When their testosterone is coursing through their veins.

Well, my fiend, I mean friend, you have effectively been brought back to the teen world through artificial injections rather than natural testosterone.

I'm curious to know why your doctor thinks you need these injections. Are you suffering from some ailment without the injections?

[donf]

Hey, J9 nice nice to hear from you again.

Last January a blood test taken during a physical showed the "T" level as 250. So I was started Androgel, one package once a day. In August a second test showed the level at a little over 300 even thought the dosage had been upped to 2 packages.. This month, since there was no appreciable change, it was decided that I would start getting weekly shots the third shot is due tomorrow and the forth next Wednesday.

Wednesday of the following week, it is in theory going to be one shot every other week.

Since I was used to the stuf, I did not expext anything unusual. However for the past two weeks, I've been just about ready to use any method at hand to separate my Lady from her clothes. I mean this has been driving me nuts. Every time I get near her I'm trying to get inside her clothes.

The other end of this is that I know that intercourse is very painful or her. Major belly surgery would only clear the hiden adhesions short term because as it was explained to us, new adhesions would just form up elseware.

My Lady would not tell a lie with a weapon to her head. I think that her teeth would actually crack and fall out if she were to tell a lie. Anyway, the ban started about two years ago.

My literal "Frensy" / Obsession has only been going on for the past two weeks. This crazy behavior for me. Espicially with respect to my behavior to my wife, Very Borrish and unseemly behavior. If it is the meds, at least and can control my behavior and thinking whenthe flashes hit me. I have never had this go on before, its just nutty!

[J_9]

Sure the doc said your "T" was low, but were you having symptoms? Do you have diabetes, metabolic syndrome, obesity, high blood pressure, or tiny balls?

Taking hormone replacement therapy, in this case "T" is an option. You don't have to take it. It won't cause any ill effects if you don't.

Sounds to me like these injections are causing more problems then they are worth.

A low testosterone level by itself doesn't need treatment. Testosterone replacement therapy can have side effects, and the long-term risks and benefits aren't known.

You REALLY need to read this... men.webmd.com/guide/testosterone-replacement-therapy-is-it-right-for-you

Both pages.