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mixedjoy · Nov 8, 2012, 12:35 PM

I'm going through kicking myself for falling for a guy. He tells me I was the right person for him and then months go by he finds out there are certain things he can't deal with and I'm just freaking out emotionally inside. I tell him I don't want to lose him and I want it to work.
We don't get into fights it's my mood swings that get to him and he thinks ahead that if we were ever to live together he can't handle it.

He's made up his mind that we can love the people we want to be with but doesn't mean we were meant to be in a relationship.

Then he says things like I still want you in my life. I don't want to keep you in limbo. Just a lot of things I don't want to hear. I know it's obvious it's over in so many ways said.

I don't realize I have made this deep commitment until they break it off. I don't understand how I even got here and it's hard.

I want to be strong and stop being a weak sucker...

Wondergirl · Nov 8, 2012, 12:37 PM

Tell us more about your mood swings.

mixedjoy · Nov 8, 2012, 01:11 PM

I'm 29 and I don't know if I'm going through a hormonal shift or something but my emotional part is really sometimes uncontrollable. I decided to take some supplements to help me and they have a little.

The way I react sometimes is just reactive. I don't remember the whole story but I just remember that we were in a disagreement with something and the whole time I was thinking gosh why can't he just forget about it. I was starting to get frustrated and then the end of our walk he just kind of disregarded what was going on and wanted to give me a hug. He forgot my car was at his house. So I rudely said, "MY CAR IS AT YOUR HOUSE"

He took it personal and it's been sticking with him. So then after every time I react it's what he takes personal.

Wondergirl · Nov 8, 2012, 02:31 PM

I don't see any mood swings here. You certainly can't be even tempered 24/7. So you are feeling fine and things are going along well enough and he says something you don't like or happen to disagree with and then you raise your voice and disagree or call him on it, then you are having "mood swings"?

Do you have these "mood swings" at any other time or when dealing with others?

mixedjoy · Nov 9, 2012, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I don't see any mood swings here. You certainly can't be even tempered 24/7. So you are feeling fine and things are going along well enough and he says something you don't like or happen to disagree with and then you raise your voice and disagree or call him on it, then you are having "mood swings"?

Do you have these "mood swings" at any other time or when dealing with others?

No, I don't to anyone else. Just with him and usually with people I am close with. You're right he expects me to be even tempered and if it has anything to do with communicating to him about what he did in a way that's strong he takes offense to it.
I don't know how else to be when I'm frustrated with him. I guess I'm not allowed to react. Jeezz...

I think he is the first guy I dated that is sensitive. I don't know how to be. I got used to unemotionally available men and non communicative or passive aggressive. Which he's now turning to because I ask him things. I don't understand when he says that he wants a break and I ask him are we seeing other people on this break? He says it's more complex than that which I don't understand. It's a yes or no, his answer is if we're not working out then yes, we should see other people. Sorry, this is turning into something not about me now. I just wanted to understand...

I appreciate your replies wondergirl

Wondergirl · Nov 9, 2012, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by mixedjoy

Sorry, this is turning into something not about me now. I just wanted to understand...

Maybe it's about you in, as you say, the choices you make in men. Beyond that, maybe it's not about you at all.

mixedjoy · Nov 9, 2012, 03:49 PM

Maybe so, I'll need to think deeper.

I wish · Nov 9, 2012, 04:06 PM

This is an excellent wake up call for you to reflect on what type of person you would like to become. There's always a chance that you can be together again, but now's not the time to pursue that.

Now's the time for some self reflection to see what you would like to improve on so that you can be a better person going forward.

mixedjoy · Nov 9, 2012, 05:42 PM

Thank you I wish. I have been thinking that and it's so great to hear from someone else telling me. I hear myself sometimes say I don't want to be like that. Also asking myself how can I have more self control over reactions?

I wish · Dec 8, 2012, 01:01 PM

Not making rush decisions usually does the trick. Give yourself time to think things over before reacting to something. Be patient with yourself.