[Genuineforce]

Hello all, I am new to this board. I am in a 6 month relationship with an exciting smart and "good woman" (you men will know what I mean by that). This happens to be a long distance relationship by the way. We see each other for about 4 days, about twice a month. We are sexually compatible at least 95%, and mentally compatible about 87%. Not a perfect match obviously, however these stats are also obviously high. We share the same values, and agree on the way men and women should interact and behave toward one another. We are both open minded and agree to learn each other, and that is what gives the long run the 100% to look forward to. That may sound impossible but I'm sure some of you know what I mean. Its just not always love at first sight, we are a real man and woman couple and both have that understanding and know that we are not looking for lust, The sex is great may I mention though and she gives me whatever I could reasonably ask, as I do the same for her every time.
I have been hurt in the past, and have been lied to by women and have a hard time trusting them in a relationship, and I am verbaly open about that opinion. THIS new woman makes the difference for me completely though, as I truly trust her. It wasn't some fake bs, "I trust you" either. With this woman I felt like I trusted her the very first time that I heard her voice, almost like we were meant to meet. When we first spoke it felt like "welcome home", and it is also one reason that her and I have embarked on this journey together. There is no bs here, or premature "I love you"s in the picture either. We haven't said it to each other yet, and it isn't time to either because we must grow together realisticly and must really know each other in the long run before we get to that part.
She gives me gifts, and I give her gifts, and we have been fair in many man/woman aspects.
HERE ARE THE ISSUES THAT I WOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR YOU ALL TO HELP ME WITH. By the way I have never sought this type of advice on the internet in this way, I'm new to it.
Okay, so I finally went to visit her last month, she had been coming to see me for all the previous months, and honestly this trip was just as great as the times she came out here. We usually have sex everyday at least once, even on her period. After the third day of being there, I suddenly sensed that she was starting to give me the cold shoulder, and her showing affection was almost absent. I mean we still gave each other a tap kiss once or twice those last couple days. But I was still affectionate to her, well not at first, I felt like damn is she cheating, hmm, okay maybe I got on her nerves, hmm okay maybe she isn't into me anymore, hahah you know the usual insecure type thoughts that everyone keeps to themselves even if they are in general a secure person which I am, as I still trust her and respect her to this day, but you know how those thoughts fight you like the devil or some s**t, hehe. Anyway I had already been a bit bothered that far into the trip because I wasn't getting any oral sex from her, and she is into doing it, I have heard that when I woman stops this it is because she is in doubt of you or doesn't trust you for some reason. I have nothing to hide from her though, so anyway we didn't have any more sex for 3 more days, until we got back to my house, she came back with me to stay with me for a few days. We did have sex the first night, because I initiated it. But no oral sex for me. And I give her oral sex almost every time I have sex with her. I started feeling that it was unfair and it was really pissing me off, I felt like my head was going to melt off. Let me mention that she is the type of female that doesn't really initiate sex, maybe sometimes by kissing me, but doesn't really do more than that. She made that clear to me from the beginning so its nothing new at all, she likes an aggressive man, who wears the pants in the relationship, and she doesn't really initiate sex either, and she told me that when we started talking. So I am an in between kind of guy in that area, I can actually be both types of man depending on the woman. So I thought of this and I said f**k it I'll just guide her to do it. So to make it fair I turned her over and did 69 the next evening, so that at least I would pleasure her as well, I felt that's fair and maybe I haven't been aggressive enough with her and she's waiting for me to do that. I was more in the beginning of the relationship but sometimes it fades off and on (you guys know how that is when you like the girl even more you let your guards down and get a little soft, then have to smack yourself back together and you remember that you are supposed to be a MAN and show her that). So she did it well. Now we are about 3 weeks later... I am supposed to see her in a few days, she's coming to see me. I have some issues now about her, although we have talked about the issues every time we have one, and we have reached conclusion and peace with all of them. I have never mentioned the oral sex issue to her though, maybe I should. I don't want to be annoyed about it when she is here. Anyway I have had doubts in my mind recently, like she may be cheating on me, and if not maybe at least talking to another man. I don't know why, and I have nothing I can use to justify her doing it or me thinking it which is even worse. I trust her and it just popped into my head. I have been thinking positive thoughts and it is not in her character to cheat either. But what the hell, why can't I get this out of my head? I think what put some issues in my head was that time I had when I visited her with no sex for the last few days, and her not giving me oral sex until I was agressing and basically put it in her mouth (by the way I gave her the same in return). She has gotten better with talking to me in a "sweet" way, affection over the phone sort of. But she used to always call me my pet name, and now she hasn't for weeks. If she didn't feel right or didn't want to visit me she wouldn't, so I don't think she has lost interest, because she wouldn't come out here. So my question is WHAT CAN I DO TO SEE IF THERE IS SOMETHING UP WITHOUT DIRECTLY ASKING? I have asked her if everything is OK 100%? She said everything was all right. So why do I still feel that she is holding somehting in? Is she lying to me? Is she cheating? What's up? Also how can I get her to give me more oral sex without directing her to do it? I mean she will do it if I express that I desire it, But most men will agree, that we want to get head when we didn't ask, like a way for her to show she just had to suck my... you know what I'm saying, mannn I don't ask her if she wants me to go down on her, I just do it to please her, why the hell isn't she doing the same? Also, I paid for her plane ticket to come see me this time, and as a result I have gotten low on money. I asked her today if she could lend me $20, and she said maybe. I said all right, but inside I was very angry the she said "maybe", on top of that she went into asking me all about why I didn't have much money, and why I bought something recently at a health food store, although that was only $11. But inside, I'm like what the hell, I just paid several hundred dollars to get her here, and this trip was her idea, she said she wanted to visit and she asked if I could pay for the ticket. So why would she have a problem lending me $20 dollars? I am angry as hell inside tonight, but I know she will probably give me the money. But why must she say "maybe" when she will have the money and I just put out several hundred dollars. On top of that she just seems to give me a certain coldness, its not as bad as before although it is still slightly still there from the last time I saw her. She is a scorpio so who knows, Just now I was thinking that maybe she asked me to pay for her to come out here so she could break up with me? And no have to pay for the trip in doing so? Maybe she just wants a good screw before she ends it? WHO THE HELL KNOWS? I am tired of typing but would love some thoughts on this. She is a great woman, I honestly trust her, but what's up with my baby? Maybe a woman can help with this one. Am I not being domanant enough for her? O and also I bought her a present a week ago, she got it and thanked me for it, but hasn't said much else about it, what the hell? She usually talks about my gifts for a week or two, she didn't talk about this one more than 5 minutes? Please some advice?!

[Nohitter410]

Ok I stopped reading it because I got tired and I apologize but I see some reoccuring things. First off you are looking into way to many things and analyzing every little thing she does. Having sex every day is great but can't be that important or as important as you are making it. I fell into the same trap. Just like when a relationship gets complacent and becomes routine, sex can be too. Women want romance and when they have sex they do it most of the time because they know the man wants. IF you can resist urges sometimes and not let it always go there you will start to learn more about her and have fun doing other things and it will make her want it more and be that much more enjoyable.

It was great you bought her a gift but why does she need to talk about it for a week or two. It seems you are showering her and smothering her with every little thing possible and she is starting to pull away. You need to relax and it is hard because you are long distance and you want to have sex with her and talk to her all the time. But she needs to miss you and when you come home you need to make things light, fun and enjoyable for her and that doesn't mean shower her with affections and gifts. Actions speaks a lot louder than words. Little things count especially long distance. Realize you are pushing her away and this 5 page paper showed that. Sit back relax and understand that you will lose her if you continue down this path. You have hit 6 months and it has turned serious in my opinion too soon. Having sex everyday is what you basically startied your question with and that speaks of immaturity. I know that because I have been there only about a few months ago. You need to sit back and let her be.. "she is a part of your life, not your whole life" says Wildcat. Stop looking into every little thing before it is too late.

[Genuineforce]

Hehehe. I thank you for your advice. I agree with you on a few things as well. I probably gave her too many gifts, I mean maybe, I don't know, I felt that it was fair to since she has done the same for me. You know she took me shopping and spent a lot of money buying new clothes for both of us, and she pays for a lot of meals and when we go out, although I pay for things as well. What do you think about the oral sex thing? As far as smothering her, she always asks for me to give her these erotic oil massages and whatnot, isn't that affection I am giving to her? And she asked for it. What do you think about me asking to borrow $20, I mean I just spend a few hundred on her plane ticket. Also do you think I should speak to her about any of this, or just chill out? Hehe. In the end I will of course do what I feel best, but positive advice is very helpful and I appreciate it, thanks!

[chuff]

Hello all, I am new to this board. I am in a 6 month relationship with an exciting smart and "good woman" (you men will know what I mean by that). This happens to be a long distance relationship by the way. We see each other for about 4 days, about twice a month. We are sexually compatible at least 95%, and mentally compatable about 87%.

How does one derive at an 87% calculation for mentally compatibility?

Wow that was in depth. Here’s my opinion. I think she’s just not as serious about you as you are about her. I also get the impression you are a little smothering and that probably annoys her. Your also pretty demanding for someone that only sees her 4 days a month. That also annoys her. I’d back off a little and just enjoy the time you share and let it develop instead of forcing it, which it clearly feels like your doing.

[ordinaryguy]

The fact that you're so carefully calculating what's "fair" in both money and sex tells me you're a little too interested in keeping score. She senses that and is pulling away. You went too fast at first, so now you have to learn (quickly) to slow down.

[rol]

<<Maybe a woman can help with this one>>

Here I am and a scorpio woman also, and you are totally overanalysing EVERYTHING!!

Finally re read it all. Please try and separate into smaller paragraphs.
She is not cheating, she is not lying ,
You are just going way too fast.
Ask her for a blowjob if that is what you want. Communicate with her tell her how good that she makes you feel when she does that.

The money thing is also ridiculous, maybe she's just wondering why you are asking her for money.

GOOOO SLOWWWWW
AND tell her what you want

[valinors_sorrow]

Do you know the acronym behind the word fine? I believe your relationship is just fine.

You both seem to have a lot going on in the background and an unwillingness to be forthright about it. And its complicated by the fact that your style is intense and her's seems laid back too.

And your assessment of how its going flips back and forth from great to terrible and back again. Oy. Maybe that's because you don't separate seeing things as they are from seeing things as you hope very well. Work on this first, okay? I am serious -- you can't fix what you don't see accurately and you are not seeing accurately at all here. You are contradicting yourself every other paragraph.

And then there is all kinds of score keeping -- like what's up with that? Unless it has to do with this part... and lastly way too much heavy stuff done at too soon a stage by both of you - gifts, airplane tickets, clothes. Not appropriate at all. Don't give like that, and don't accept like that either. Sheesh.

Holy cow, if you have to work this hard at dating then you don't know how to date and appear to be doing what I call rushing things into relationshipping instead of dating. At six months you are still dating or should be.

Back off. Date. Go really really slow. Slower than you think you ought to. Get to know someone way better than this. Be slow to do the heavy things.

although we have talked about the issues every time we have one, and we have reached conclusion and peace with all of them.

This seems to be part of that not seeing things accurately pattern. And next time you claim to share everything and talk out all the issues, don't stretch the truth out to be practically meaningless, okay? The truth is you aren't telling her about what you claim are some serious issues. You better start talking if you are going to solve anything before your head melts?

If I were her I would be reluctant about being involved too-- by sensing how much you are being silently angry and not bringing up things that need to be. If you did talk openly, it may give me the chance to ask how does a man who needs to borrow $20 justify paying for a plane ticket. That seems just plain crazy to me. Desperate and crazy.

There is some smart, good woman, female feedback that I hope you find helpful.

[rol]

<,Just now I was thinking that maybe she asked me to pay for her to come out here so she could break up with me? And no have to pay for the trip in doing so? Maybe she just wants a good screw before she ends it? WHO THE HELL KNOWS? >>

She most probably asked you to pay so that she could make sure your intentions were good. Good women are not just interested in a good screw.

[talaniman]

After reading that long diatribe, I think you have thought yourself in much to deep to appreciate getting to know this female. I'll bet your assumptions are all wrong and I bet after 6 month she thinks you are a smug penny pincher. Keep it simple and enjoy having fun and getting to honestly know someone before you write a book about... you.

[Genuineforce]

This is to Rol (and everyone else who has been helpful), as you are a scorpio woman, and I also feel your advice the most out of everyone that replied. Strange almost, it seemed like you were my woman answering my question here, hehe. I could totally feel those replies coming out of her mouth.

Anyway, you are correct at me over analyzing everything, scorpio! She has told me the same thing a couple of times. I am not in denial of this either, I accept truth and I realize that I do this, and I am working on it, I have chilled out on a lot of things with her recently. Anyone who knows a gemini, knows that we are not control freaks though. One thing that we have is infinite paranoia! I am a muture man also though, and I am working through my paranoia.
Scorpio and gemini is a unique match and can work well if we are both willing to accept and be there for each other. As far as the plane ticket is concerned, I once again agree with you, in fact my first instinct when she asked me to buy it was what you said about making sure my intentions were good. LOL see I know scorpios are good at testing people. So yea I bought it for her.
About the oral sex thing, when I have really wanted it, I let her know without bs, and she has done it, as I HAVE STATED ALREADY, but can you tell me how to get a scorpio woman to do it without me having to ask? I say this because I give her the same without her ever asking. Or maybe I should chill out with giving it to her as often until she realizes?
Finally about the $20, I don't know why some people here feel there is something wrong with me on that one? I am low on money because I just spent several hundred on her getting here. That makes me wonder the social status of some people on here?HMM well I am not upper class or a snob or a yuppie by any means, and I work hard for that money which I used to do what I did for her.
What do you all think about this? More advice please, and thank you all for everything you have said thus far, I appreciate it

[rol]

So that must qualify me as an "an exciting smart and "good woman" , cool! ;-)

Hmm let me think about this.
I have never dated a gemini, I think I've covered most of the other zodiac signs but not that one:)
However I can help you with the scorpio woman stuff, perhaps some of the things are the same for most women.

<<About the oral sex thing, when I have really wanted it, I let her know without bs, and she has done it, as I HAVE STATED ALREADY, but can you tell me how to get a scorpio woman to do it without me having to ask? I say this because I give her the same without her ever asking. Or maybe I should chill out with giving it to her as often until she realizes?
>>

Talking personally here, some girls don't really see the infatuation with oral sex. Maybe she is not giving you it because she does not really want it herself,
Stop doing it and see how she reacts, ask her does she like it , talk to her about these things!! If she does not like it do not get upset, some girls are different , ask her what she likes! She seems to like massages, so give her plenty of those, candles , insense those kind of things, maybe she prefers that to oral sex.
Then tell her you really like oral sex and that you like it when you do not have to ask her for it.
Communication!! Key with all women, even more with scorpio women.

Above all LISTEN to her.

[rol]

<<We usually have sex everyday at least once, even on her period. After the third day of being there, I suddenly sensed that she was starting to give me the cold shoulder, and her showing affection was almost absent.>>

Is it you that is initiating all the sex?
Maybe she was also feeling tired near the end and was not in the mood for sex.

[rol]

<<This happens to be a long distance relationship by the way. We see each other for about 4 days, about twice a month. >.

Ah one more thing.. when you see her are you spending most of the time having sex? Next time I suggest bringing her to visit something and having a lovely time outside the bedroom.

[Genuineforce]

Thanks for the comments! Yes she loves the massages, and she always asks me to give her one! Most of the time I give her one when she asks, only a few times when I made her wait. Those times I made her wait was because I felt what I expressed here about not getting what I want, yes oral sex. I didn't tell her this, but I did tell her "why don't you give me a massage?", hehe, Not sure if that was the right thing to say, but I did give her one though I made her wait a bit.

I will definitely relax on giving her oral sex, I know she loves it because I have asked her if she likes it and discussed it in detail with her already. You could be right though about giving her more massages than oral sex, and I will try that this Friday.

As far as our activities together, NO WE DO NOT SPEND THE WHOLE TIME HAVING SEX. Not at all, we go out to the museum, the zoo, restaurants, the bookstore (she loves anything on mysteries), and we walk together, take pictures of things, movies, etc, we drink sometimes, you know basically have fun together, the sex usually happens when we get back home, after a day of doing all types of fun stuff outdoors together.

I am not a sex addict in my opinion, but sex is important to me and I have the right to want to be fulfilled just as a woman has the same right. Plus she is a Scorpio woman, and she has told me in the beginning before we were together that she needs a lot of sex, so it seemed good because I feel the same way.

Do you think that maybe I tire her out with all the outdoor stuff? Maybe she is too tired at the end of all of that? She has told me once before that she was tired, but she also had to go to work in the morning, but what's 10-15 minutes to have sex in that situation? Both people have to be satisfied, and no real woman would turn down sex (an activity that feels good, releases stress, tention, and rejuvinates your mind and body, and is healthy) unless there was something wrong.

This woman always tells me "Its all about you baby", and she likes me to make the decisions to a degree as I said she likes a dominant man. So what's up. Hey Rol I apprecate you helping me here! This is fun and I intend to use your advice as you seem to be the closest to her feelings. More replies the better! Thank you, I appreciate it.

[chuff]

Finaly about the $20, I dont know why some people here feel there is something wrong with me on that one?

Some people are saying that for this very reason……

I am low on money because I just spent several hundred on her getting here.

If you have to fork over several hundred just to meet up but it doesn’t leave you with 20 bucks your priorities are not in order. That is not only what we are thinking, that is what she is thinking.

That makes me wonder the social status of some people on here?HMM well I am not upper class or a snob or a yuppie by any means, and I work hard for that money which I used to do what I did for her.

Well I’m probably considered middle class but I don’t blow all my money on women and I don’t blow all my money on women that don’t live near me just to get them to come see me. Top that off with asking for $20.00 and you look pathetic, desperate, and lacking control, not caring and compassionate as you try to pass yourself off as. If I see that what do you think she sees?

[chuff]

This woman always tells me "Its all about you baby",

It sure is.

and she likes me to make the decisions to a degree as I said she likes a dominant man. So what's up

That means she wants you to take charge of a situation and stand firm. You confusing that with smothering her. If a situation presents itself that you need to take control of and solve then you become dominant. That’s what she wants. That’s why she can’t understand why you’d ask for $20 after forking over several hundred. That’s not in control or dominant.

[valinors_sorrow]

Anyways, you are correct at me over analyzing everything, scorpio! She has told me the same thing a couple of times. I am not in denial of this either, I accept truth and I realize that I do this, and I am working on it, I have chilled out on a lot of things with her recently. Anyone who knows a gemini, knows that we are not control freaks though. One thing that we have is infinit paranoia! I am a muture man also though, and I am working through my paranoia.

By the way, "I'm working on that" is the answer addicts and alkies give to avoid doing any actual work on the problem. LOL

How does paranoid and dominant work together? Poorly, that's how. Tackle the paranoid issues successfully and 90% of all this would solve itself.

And I'm with Chuff about the $20. Desperados fly out their dates and then ask for $20 because they're broke.
People who can date locally and within budget aren't necessarily a bad thing anymore than... emotional sanity is, LOL.

[rol]

OK that's good you go to visit stuff and do nce things outside , I'm sure she likes and appreciates this.

<<Do you think that maybe I tire her out with all the outdoor stuff? Maybe she is too tired at the end of all of that? She has told me once before that she was tired, but she also had to go to work in the morning, but what's 10-15 minutes to have sex in that situation? Both people have to be satisfied, and no real woman would turn down sex (an activity that feels good, releases stress, tention, and rejuvinates your mind and body, and is healthy) unless there was something wrong.
>>

No I don't think you tire her out with all the outdoor stuff. You probably tire her out with all the sex ha ha

10-15 minutes !
Maybe she wants more passionate sex, the kind lasting with massages and love! Not just quick sessions, but ask her this!

You are thinking as a man when you say "no real woman would refuse sex"!
Women think differently and need affection and communication not just quickies in the bedroom! Mens primary need is probably sex , it is not a woman's!

[Genuineforce]

Hey Rol! Thanks! I think I will have a sex conversation with her sometime soon, a natural one, so I will find the right time to ease it in without making a direct plan of talking about it. Maybe I did tire her with all the sex hehe, but what about her saying she needs lots of sex before? And since I am going to see her on Friday, what changes do you think I should make to show her that I am learning to understand her in those ways, and what do you think is the right approach to sex with her etc?

By the way some of the comments (with the exception of Rol's) show me something's about you people as well, see the best teacher is the best student, so as you all give me advice I can see your problems as well, and many of you with the exception or Rol talk a good talk but are not genuine and open minded. You probably have been hurt before or have your own problems that you think of because what I have said.

Comparing me to an "addict" of any sort sounds like something you read out of a f***in book, as the comparison is non existent. An addict isn't as open as I am, and Doesn't value others opinions or advice as I do, the advice that Rol is giving me for example. I wonder who the real addicts are, I bet you 90% of people on the board take perscription medication, which are from the largest drug dealers in the united states. Although I have obvious issues, I choose the REAL way to deal with them through trial and error, not always the right choices obviously since I have gone to asking advice over the internet, but who's the real addict I WONDER, I take no medication, I eat healthy organic food, I smile everyday, hug people when I can and don't abuse my soul with negative energy from tv(the news) or newspapers and other forms of electromagnetic chaos that we live in this time..

Thanks Rol! please give me some more input if you have any, I have calmed down a lot from what you have said so far!

[rol]

I'm going to think about it, I've to leave now , ill reply tomorrow.

And by the way many people do have good experience here and see things others don't see , so take those things into account also...

But you want to learn and undertand so that is good.