[ace1978]

Ok, so here I am again asking another question about the same ex that I said I wouldn't ask another question about. So here it is: My ex and I had a really good, long, what I think is a final talk last night. I told her that it was unhealthy for me to be friends with her, since I wanted her back and she wants to be single for now. I said I needed to get my mind, heart, and body right and I couldn't do it by talking to her all the time. She said she understood and hoped we could be friends later. Anyway, it was good talk and it ended on very good terms. We both said good luck to each other and I felt pretty good about it. Then, this morning it was like we never had the talk. She sent me three text messages. The first one saying, " thanks for the talk last night, I respect your decision." The second, " I'm so bored at work right now!" And the third, " are you interviewing for that job this week?" I didn't answer any of them but I don't feel right about it. I know I'm not doing anything wrong I've just never been a rude person and I feel like I'm being rude if I don't text her back when I get a question from her like #3. Even with no contact is it possible to send simple "yes" or "no" answers to her texts? If not how do I deal with this without being rude? Any help please. I'm sure Skell will have something for me. Thanks everyone!

[s_cianci]

No contact means just that ; no contact. It is not being rude. As far as she's concerned, you've disappeared from the face of the earth. That's the impression you need to give her.

[brkfstatiffs]

Just make it clear to her that by you answering her , it's making harder for the both of you to move on. I've been going through the same thing. My ex and I still communicate even though we both swear we won't. In the long run, the less he doesn't answer and vice versa the stronger I become. It is comforting for her when she's gets a reply, that's why she's doing it.

[grammadidi]

If you told her that you believe it's unhealthy for you to be friends with her then I can understand her first text message, and it did not require any response. The second one was a test to see if you meant it, and the third was a cry for attention. She really sounds like she's playing an immature game.

If you had decided that you would remain friends then I could understand your wanting to answer the third text. However, that wasn't the way things were finalized. I think that every time she attempts to contact you and you feel guilty for not responding you should remember these words:

"I feel it is unhealthy for me to be friends with her. I need to get my mind, heart, and body right and I can't do it by talking to her all the time."

And

" Thanks for the talk last night, I respect your decision."

Enough said.

Didi

[Skell]

In my opinion she is now being disrespectful. If you what you say is true and you completely laid it all on the line and told her what you say above then her completely ignoring your wishes and texting the very next morning is disrespectful.

Is she a bit on the stupid side? Is it conceivable that she thinks by you telling her you can't talk to her that that doesn't include text messages, emails etc? Is it possible she could think that?

Otherwise she is just being a selfish so and so who is now just deliberately trying to keep you exactly where she wants you. She did that with the phone calls asking for sex and she is doing it now with these messages.

Look, I know you might feel rude if you don't answer but please don't. You could not have made it any clearer to her.. Or could you? I don't know!! But you say you have told her that you don't want any contact from now on so she should not expect it in return despite how much she texts you.

If you do feel the need that you have to reply than all I would reply is "that conversation we had last night also meant that you are not to contact me, and that includes text messages. Bye".

Or something along those lines. But I really don't see why you should feel bad about having to reply or not. You told her you didn't want contact.

Texting back and forth is just contributing to this drama and you only have yourself to blame. She can play these games all she likes but if you stay in the game then you are as much at fault as she is!

[shygrneyzs]

Standing firm on your decisions for no contact is not being rude. You are respecting yourself! It is a shame that your ex cannot do the same. If worse comes to worse here, why not change your phone numbers? But do not have contact with her - no phone calls, no answering phone calls, no answering tect messages, no answering the door if she is there. That is not rude - that is you defending yourself from being tangled up in the mess again. Don't you deserve to have your lilfe back and to become emotionally healthy? I think so. Good luck.

[Jiser]

No contact allows us to heal. You have said what you felt was right. She must respect that. She clearly hasn't! Perhaps she can't quite believe she has totally lost you (an ego thing maybe). But you should NOT feel guilty for not responding. In fact block her, then she can't contact you at all.

[hair2007]

Hi kind of in the same situation not sure if this will help but hope so... the best thing to do since it seems you still love her and wish that she didn't want to be single, is to honor her wish that means no contact at all in my situation if I responded it meant hi I'm still here... he kneww that.. she will to... if anything the space will do 1 of 2 things make it or break it.. set it free if it comes back... good luck and god bless

[talaniman]

Don't contact her back at all. You had a long talk and she is now ignoring your wishes, that's rude and desrespectful. Stick to your guns and let her wonder. She is testing your word so ignore her and her games.

[valinors_sorrow]

Its NOT considered rude to ignore someone when they are being rude. Now you see how well she listens to you and respects your boundaries. The only thing you can do is not respond in any manner whatsoever. Anything else, any other gesture that she sees you take, will spur her on to do more of this. It is how the game is played. Have you given her cause to not believe your words in the past? Have you a pattern of saying one thing and doing another with her? If this is so, then the time to start acquiring more personal integrity is now. Mean what you say.

[Wildcat21]

OH MY GOD!!

YOU'RE NOT being grude at ALL!! Ignore!! Ignore!! Ignore!

She BROKE - why on earth is she texting you all day long. AND you asked no contact.

This gal wants her cake and eat it to.

Yes - I agree - she's testing.

I don't get it - she broke yet stays in contact.