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pr_tito · Oct 28, 2012, 07:42 PM

Please evaluate:

"Dear friend perhaps we should talk as I can smell the burning passion I as well have. We both have soaring desires to defeat the communist insurgents and leave them with nothing. However it is our misfortune that none of us can do it alone. But with our talents fused together, there shall not be a hindrance prevailing our victory."

Wondergirl · Oct 28, 2012, 07:45 PM

It's not wordy but it needs help.

It this a manifesto to a government?

J_9 · Oct 28, 2012, 07:54 PM

And it's not a sentence. It's several. Which one(s) do you need help with?

pr_tito · Oct 28, 2012, 08:14 PM

Sorry about the mistake. It's a short prose. And I would just like to know what is impression about it.

pr_tito · Oct 28, 2012, 08:16 PM

Wonder girl thanks for the response! Please tell what you think about the prose.

Wondergirl · Oct 28, 2012, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by pr_tito

Sorry about the mistake. its a short prose. And I would just like to know what is impression about it.

Impression? It's obtuse and needs work.

Are you supposed to put it into understandable English?

pr_tito · Oct 28, 2012, 08:36 PM

Yes I would like it to be understandable. I need to know exactly the sentences that require revision and why does it needs to. And by the way Wonder girl is the problem of the prose about grammar structure or is it about the deepness of the sentences to the extent that they may not be understood?

Wondergirl · Oct 28, 2012, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by pr_tito

Yes I would like it to be understandable. I need to know exactly the sentences that require revision and why does it needs to.

Is this your homework, and if so, what have YOU determined about the paragraph? (I did my own homework for 19 years.)

And by the way Wonder girl is the problem of the prose about grammar structure or is it about the deepness of the sentences to the extent that they may not be understood?

"Deep" isn't an accurate description of the style. It sounds like someone mentally ill or trying to sound smarter than he is or like he's Ted Kaczynski.

Wondergirl · Oct 28, 2012, 08:47 PM

Is the paragraph supposed to be rewritten and put into understandable and correct English? What have you done?

Wondergirl · Oct 28, 2012, 08:53 PM

Read it and tell me in your own words what is being said.

pr_tito · Oct 28, 2012, 08:55 PM

Yes it is an assignment. I need your help by pinpointing the mistakes as I cannot do it alone.

Wondergirl · Oct 28, 2012, 08:58 PM

You are allowed to rephrase it?

Wondergirl · Oct 28, 2012, 09:11 PM

Let's not rephrase right now. Look at the first sentence. What's wrong with it as far as punctuation and phrasing?

Dear friend perhaps we should talk as I can smell the burning passion I as well have.

Are there two missing words after "well"? It doesn't make sense now.