[daniigurl]

My partner and I are young parents. Our son is 7 weeks old almost. Things have been a huge adjustment for us. We’ve undergone drastic changes in our relationship, over the past year. My boyfriend isn't really what I’d call the romantic type, he's done his occasional romantic things, but it generally just isn't his style. When it comes to sex, well, I feel almost as if I’m a born again virgin. My partner and I have not had sex in almost three months. I'm 19 and he's 22.

He told me things weren't the same when I was pregnant and now that I’ve gotten my figure back, I’m definitely ready to get back to the way things used to be, my sex drive has always been pretty high, even throughout my pregnancy and prior to us putting the brakes on sex, the number of times we had sex decreased regularly, we went from having sex numerous times a day, to multiple times a week, to once a week, to once every other week, to nothing. So, after visiting my doctor and getting the okay, I was rather excited, but he didn't seem to be so enthusiastic about it. It's been taking a huge toll on my self-esteem the past few months, as a woman the lack of sexual response I’ve been getting from my partner has made me not only feel undesirable, but also unattractive and for a woman who just had a baby I get a good amount of compliments about how I’ve managed to snap back to my pre-pregnancy shape.

How do I get him to want to sleep with me again? I’ve tried discussing this all with him and he just makes me out to feel overly needy about the things that I want, but I’m entirely sexually frustrated and just overall bored with my lack of sex life to be honest. I try to shake things up as much as possible, tried discussing bringing in toys, provocative clothing, the random sexy pictures, nothing seems to be working and I’m wondering if I’d be better off just giving up :/

[daniigurl]

My boyfriend and I just had a child together, during my pregnancy the level of intimacy slowly decreased to practically nothing. We haven't have sex in over three months. We kiss once, maybe twice a week, we don't cuddle together at night anymore, hold hands, hug often, etc. I know having a baby (especially considering we're new parents) changes the dynamics of a relationship, we both focus more on the baby than on each other.

Currently I’m more of a stay at home mom while he works full time, we don't live together yet due to some financial issues we both have and some family issues on his side, I’ve brought this up for discussion numerous times and it basically always just gets brushed under the rug. I know he cares, and when I try to discuss this with him, he reassures me that he still loves me and still wants to be with me, hasn't lost interest in me and that there isn't anyone else, while adding that he just doesn't have the time, that when he isn't at work, he's busy with our son.

I don't know what to think, I feel like I’m an old married woman with how things are, I don’t mean to seem needy, but this whole issue has me feeling a bit neglected. Is this normal?

[talaniman]

You both have been through a life changing event and both need ample time to make adjustments because things have indeed changed drastically. But its not as simple as sex, romance,and intimacy. He is in building /support mode, for family, not your needs, or ego, and you have to get on the same page and help out. Maybe not with money, but in planning and understanding as he does have an awful lot on his plate with finances and family.

And how much sex and intimacy can you have at your parents(?) house with a newborn? Don't make this about sex, and intimacy, look to accomplish longer term goals, and help build a life, and see the facts. Young guy trying to figure out his old family problems and being able to afford to feed, house and cloth 3 mouths now ain't easy.

And are you on birth control, or have medical bills to go along with diapers, formula, and bottles and such? All these are libido killers for a young guys mind and overwhelming all at once. Be patient stay at home mom, and focus on things you can do besides have sex that actually help your new family while your guy makes his adjustments to his new and challenging family situation.

Do things to make yourself feel better as YOU make adjustments to your thinking and habits. I doubt he is ready for another child anytime soon, and maybe he wasn't as ready for this one as you might think. Fear of having more kids for a guy who wasn't that high natured in the first place is extremely common.