[albear]

A Cry for help?

Hello

First off I'm not asking for myself, but someone who I live with.

Tonight I heard a loud bang from the kitchen upstairs, (I live on the ground floor), at first I thought conflict as id heard loud voices coming from upstairs. I went upstairs later after I thought things had calmed down, and met some of my other house mates, who seemed a little worried.

It turns out that the person in question had met them in the kitchen, if I understand it correctly he was already drunk, but then took a 1 lt bottle of vodka out of the kitchen cupboard and then drank it (with a little juice) within the space of 30 minutes. Kind of tried to start a fight with the boyfriend of one of the house mates (to no avail as they both (girlfriend and boyfriend) work in the health sector and knew what was happening, then fell on the floor and made no attempt to get up, well sounded more like he didn't want to, he just wanted to lie there.

Eventually the boyfriend got him to get up and he's currently asleep in the livingroom on the couch.

But what we talked about was how he could be a risk to both himself and us, as he smokes A lot, and if he's going to get this drunk and pass out while his fags still lit, then it could cause a fire, also apparently he's not been going to work, been driving drunk when he does leave the house been sleeping through the day, getting up at odd hours in the morning and watching TV.

We think he might be depressed as well, we know he didn't see his daughter this weekend (she usually comes round on Sundays) weather or not this was because or caused this I don't know, I think he's been 'on the wagon' for about a week as I haven't seen him since last Wednesday, and to be honest I didn't see this coming from him (house mates said they did since they moved in not long ago.)

He apparently has an appointment to see the GP next week, but I'm told that if need be we should maybe try and get him an emergency appointment, or even see if the Doctor could come here, but really what we can only do is just keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't cause himself harm by either falling down or burning the house down.

What my question is, I'm wondering what else I could do at this point, what would in your opinion my options be, or how would this be best to handle this, to be honest I'm quite intimidated and upset by this situation (and I'm not the only house mate) as I don't know how to handle this and I'm worried for the guy as well as he's a decent bloke and its not nice seeing/hearing about him acting this way.


Cheers in advance for any and all replies.

Im going to have to post and run as I'm up for work at 3 and need to get some sleep, but ill be back tomorrow to reply to any questions.

[albear]

An update

Well no ones seen them today, but just checked in the livingroom and they're still there, although he'd changed positions but it seems he's not left the house all day.

My housemate was talking to me saying she thinks I should move out, because I wouldn't be able to deal with this, worrying about if he's going to burn thouse down, and she's right I don't know how to approach this or even act if I see him.

Alternativly looking for a new place so soon feels like bailing, and that doesn't feel good.

So I guess the question I'm putting to myself now is: Bail or no?

[Enigma1999]

Honestly, if this is behavior on a day to day basis, or even weekly, then yes, I consider moving out.

This is unnecessary drama that you don't need. Not to mention a disaster waiting to happen.

He may be depressed, but so what. So am I and most of the population. That doesn't mean that we as people have to act inappropriately.

Does that make sense?

[albear]

Yea that does make sense

Its not on a day to day basis, to me it just seems to have appeared out of the blue, on of my other house mates who has lived here a lot longer than me hasn't seen this person act this way before.

I agree with you that it is something I don't need to deal with. Doesn't stop me thinking I should.

Guess its time to look over the tennacy agreement.

[albear]

So I talked to him before, (he seemed quite drunk) it seems he's getting depressed and turning to drink because his daughter is acting out and she lives with his ex so that means he doesn't really have a say, and he's turning to the bottle because that's seems to be a safety behaviour, and since he's an alcoholic he can't just stop at 1 ltr of vodka.

I asked him since he's been dealing with this for a long time how he usually gets himself back on track, and he said talking to good people like myself, I tried to suggest seeing and talking to his doctor about it, but I don't think he listened, and I don't feel comfortable that he feels fine with talking to me about these things as I've only known him for a couple of months since I moved in, but then again he was drunk.

Im still contemplating moving out, but it just doesn't sit right, I think waiting another week or so to see if things get better might be a good idea before deciding to look for another place or not might be a plan, but still the thought of just getting up and leaving doesn't sit right.

[J_9]

Bear, I'm sorry you are having to go through this. You have a lot on your plate without having to deal with this as well. Do they have AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) where you live? If so, you might want to suggest that to him if he is up to it.

[albear]

Hi J, Yeah there are AA meetings as when we were talking about what he found helpful and he said talking to people that's what I suggested as well, as the kind of default response, he said he'd been to them before but when I suggested he start going again he didn't really give a reply, same thing when I asked if he was going to talk to his doctor about it during his appointment next week.

And both yourself and Enigma are right when you say I have enough on my plate/ I don't need this, I can't hope to sort out my own problems when I'm dealing with someone else's.

So I guess what I'm doing here is trying to find a way to justify leaving, or at least find a reason to do so that won't leave me feeling guilty.

[J_9]

Justifying it would be your safety.

The thing is, you put the idea in his head about AA and talking to the doctor. You can't do any more than that.

Why would you feel guilty? Well, I can kind of understand why, but remember, you are number one. You have to take care of you.

[albear]

The reason id feel guilty for leaving I think would be because it seems like a bit of bad thind to do to someone, kind of like saying, whoa, stay back, there's something wrong with you, I don't want anything to do with you anymore. That's me trying to empathise with what it would be like, especially since two of the other housemates are leaving within the next couple of weeks anyway.

And I don't like saying it but I would be something along the lines of 'i can't deal with this, your on your own', and especially the last part is not something id want to say to anyone because I know what its like to try and deal with something on your own that's bringing you down so much it hurts.

Maybe if something comes along or we find something that does help id feel better about leaving then, which is why I'm thinking of waiting a week before deffinetly saying yes I want to move out, but if it's a week down the road and things haven't gotten better we will have to call someone and I guess just hand it over to them.