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the sniders · Mar 10, 2007, 08:07 PM

Me and my Fiancé Cathryn are having an issue trying to determine whether we are in any kind of legal position to be married. We are both the product of a broken home which is highly unfortunate and does not make the situation any easier however given the circummstances I do believe we are both ready for the commitment. One problem we are dealing with is a long distance relationship, she lives in Las Vegas and me In California so the distance isn't too far but far enough. The other issue we are faced with is an age differannce of 5 years I am 21 she is 16. Now I completely understand how this can be viewed at this point its not really my concern, my concern is our well being. Given consent from her mother and considering the laws in California if she were too move out there with me under full parental consent how do we go about being married, and is that at all a possibility ?

user812 · Mar 10, 2007, 08:11 PM

Only if you can be married while you're in jail... what are you thinking!

shygrneyzs · Mar 10, 2007, 08:18 PM

I guess if her Mother signs parental consent, then the path is clear.

user812 · Mar 10, 2007, 08:20 PM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

I guess if her Mother signs parental consent, then the path is clear.

I guess the father doesn't count? The girl is 16... she can't even buy cigarettes!

shygrneyzs · Mar 10, 2007, 08:25 PM

He said nothing of a Father figure present in this girl's life. If the Father was around, yes, he would have a voice. All this fellow wants is to get married to some underage GIRL. My ex husband's sister married when she was 16 - the parents agreed to sign. So if the Mother signs, and there is no Father present, then the requirement should be met. Not that I agree with that - I oppose it on moral grounds. But, as this guy states, he couldn't care less about morals.

J_9 · Mar 10, 2007, 08:39 PM

I agree with you Shy. This is a moral issue. Now, we also know that there is not only a difference in age by numbers, but a difference in age psychologically. 99.9% of 16 year old girls are going to malls and shopping or studying for ACTs and SATs. They are not mentally or emotionally mature enough for the stressors of marriage. They still have their partying to do. Hell, she isn't even legal to get into a bar yet, much less be expected to take care of a household and a marriage.

Now, he on the otherhand may be ready for marriage, but a 16 year old? She should still be in high school, he should at least be in college if not already graduated.

One has to wonder if they met on the internet.

user812 · Mar 10, 2007, 08:44 PM

He should at least be in College?? J_9, he is on the internet asking us how he can get married to an underage girl from out of state. He states that... my concern is our well being." The ONLY well being he is worried about is his own. In my opinion he is making a big mistake and God will be his judge.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 10, 2007, 08:46 PM

The legal guardian or parent with custody ( or both parents if joint custody) will have to sign for her to be married. And she will need to be married in the state where she is living in.

J_9 · Mar 10, 2007, 08:47 PM

I do see your point user, I was just making a psychological point in how the two are different at these age groups.

He needs to be concerned for HER wellbeing. A 16 year old is not ready for marriage, period.

RubyPitbull · Mar 11, 2007, 08:02 AM

My goodness user812! Whether this is morally right, illegal, or if they are making a mistake in getting married is not the question here and it is really not helpful nor is it anyone's place to judge this man. Personally, I agree with you and think it is a mistake and I think she is too young. But, he is asking what the laws are, not our opinions. So, "the sniders", here is a link regarding the laws for getting married in California.

Applying for a Marriage License in California

Please read the article and scroll down to the part about "Under 18". It is not that easy in California. They require counseling for the couple and you both must appear before a judge to decide if the marriage can take place AND one of her parent's must be present.

J_9 · Mar 11, 2007, 08:03 AM

Thank you for the voice of reason Ruby!!

user812 · Mar 11, 2007, 08:48 AM

Although it is possible - administratively. You have been given the link above for this process. Please don't overlook the legal aspect of this also.

California Penal Code Section 261.5 - Legal Research

Please read A, B, and C. There is a 5 year age difference between the two of you!

RubyPitbull · Mar 11, 2007, 09:08 AM

Thank you user812. We have a responsibility to impart as much information as possible when asked a question. Although the girl resides in Las Vegas, and we do not know if the relationship has progressed to sexual contact between them yet, it is important for the poster to know the California age of consent laws before he tries to bring her there for the purpose of marriage.

MrsJoseph06 · Mar 30, 2007, 12:00 PM

Forget all those people that are harassing you about being a pedofile! They can't see out side of the box! I have been with my now husband since I was 15 he was 22! So I know where you are at! We have had to deal with all kinds of people giving snide remarks! However I believe age is just a number! How can anyone judge what is right for the two of you with out even knowing you! Anyway In California you can get married at 16 only if you have perental consent! However there are other states where it is perfectly legal to get married at 16! I believe Michigan is one! If you need to talk please feel free to contact me! I know what your going through! And people can be brutial! But if you can make through all that it means you really love on another and no one can tear you apart!

ScottGem · Mar 30, 2007, 12:22 PM

Originally Posted by MrsJoseph06

Forget all those people that are harrasing you about being a pedofile! They can't see out side of the box! I have been with my now husband since I was 15 he was 22! So I know where you are at! We have had to deal with all kinds of people giveing snide remarks! However I believe age is just a number! How can anyone judge what is right for the two of you with out even knowing you! Anyways In California you can get married at 16 only if you have perental consent! However there are other states where it is perfectly legal to get married at 16! I believe Michigan is one! If you need to talk please feel free to contact me! I know what your going through! And people can be brutial! But if you can make through all that it means you really love on another and no one can tear you apart!

I am very happy that things have worked out for you. But I don't believe people can judge based on your good experience. Another factor here is you don't say how old you were when you finally married.

But the odds of successful marriage when one of the parties is 16, especially when the other is so much older are not very good. I think you do a disservice to give such advice.

A 22 year old male dating a 15 year old is a red flag. If he's not a pedophile then he's probably immature. Neither of which is a good basis for a marriage. A 15 year old who has had only one partner is going to wonder at some point, what she missed. And that's going to eat into a marriage.

Again, I'm not saying it can't work out. But the odds are sufficiently high against it that it any such relationship needs to be scruntinized and dealt with great caution.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 30, 2007, 01:03 PM

Yes as a police officer and having worked with both the prison system and the court systems, I have handcuffed and saw 100's of 21 and older men sitting in prison to be considered a sex offender the rest of their life because they had sex with a minor.

We are not being narrow minded, just being legal. And men and some womem go to jail for this. Happens every day.

Plus with just marriage not lasting over aobut 60 percent of them, the chance of a 15 or 16 year old in the US getting married nad not divorced is aobut 10 percent if they are lucky.

Again it can work, but normally they don't. And normally the man ends up in jail before they have a chance to get married.

MrsJoseph06 · Apr 2, 2007, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I am very happy that things have worked out for you. But I don't believe people can judge based on your good experience. Another factor here is you don't say how old you were when you finally married.

But the odds of successful marriage when one of the parties is 16, especially when the other is so much older are not very good. I think you do a disservice to give such advice.

A 22 year old male dating a 15 year old is a red flag. If he's not a pedophile then he's probably immature. Neither of which is a good basis for a marriage. A 15 year old who has had only one partner is going to wonder at some point, what she missed. And that's going to eat into a marriage.

Again, I'm not saying it can't work out. But the odds are sufficiently high against it that it any such relationship needs to be scruntinized and dealt with with great caution.

I was 18 when I got married in November because that was the soonest I could get married! I know not everyone is in the same situation as me! But for the record my Husband is neiter a pedophile or imature! We started dateing when I was 15 and he was 22! I posted because I'm in the same situation and I know how it feels to have everyone against you! I don't believe I have done any dis-service in posting what I did! And if you want to talk about odds of a successful marriage it's a gamble no matter what age ither of you are! The so Called "norm" is to get married when your in your mid 30's and how many of those marriages last! If you are in love and you can take care of one another I don't think age should be a factor! Why is it that everyone is judged based upon a numer? Some people by the age of 15 have more life experince than any desk jocky at 45! So don't judge people so quickly! It's hard to have to fight every minute for your love! But in the end it is absolutley worth it!

ScottGem · Apr 3, 2007, 05:40 AM

Originally Posted by MrsJoseph06

So don't judge people so quickly!

It's hard to have to fight every minute for your love! But in the end it is absolutley worth it!

Sorry, but we have to make snap judgements here. We are asked to give advice based on scant information. So we have to do what we think is best.

You may not feel it, but your husband was immature. A 22 year old dating a 15 year old has to lack some maturity. There is a wide gulf between people at those ages. A 22 year old is or should be concerned with finishing school and establishing a career. A 15 year old is more concerned with enjoying her adolescence.

I do however, agree with your last 2 sentences. It is very hard to fight for someone (something) you love. And winning that fight is, indeed worth it. But it SHOULD be hard to fight an age difference like that. Society should make it difficult because of all of the ramifications.

MrsJoseph06 · Apr 3, 2007, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

But it SHOULD be hard to fight an age difference like that. Society should make it difficult because of all of the ramifications.

So just because I'm not in the norm of relationships in today's opnion. I should have to suffer? If you look back 75 years or so it wasent so odd! Or wrong it was expected! And when is it that you have to have a career before you have a family? What so you can have a lach key kid and a husband and wife that barley speak because they are both pulling down 70 hour work weeks. So they can keep up with the jones? Not only that but how many people do you know who are married and have an age diffrence? And it is not a big deal? How many of our grandparents got married at 16-18 years old and are happily married to this day? Then look at all the baby boomers how many of them are married for the 3rd and even 4th time! Who is happy? I understand that you have to make snap judgements on this forum but don't rip on other peoples opnions and life choices because you don't understand them. How am I doing any dis-service by voiceing mine! I think this individual needs to hear all sides from the aspect of jail-to happily ever after! I'm just putting my experience out there!

Oh and as for the topic of my Husband being imature like I said before age is nothing but a number! And you should be judged on life experiences not the day your Mom poped you out!

ScottGem · Apr 3, 2007, 02:41 PM

Originally Posted by MrsJoseph06

So just because I'm not in the norm of relationships in todays opnion. I should have to suffer?

How am I doing any dis-service by voiceing mine! I think this individual needs to hear all sides from the aspect of jail-to happily ever after! I'm just putting my experience out there!

Oh and as for the topic of my Husband being imature like i said before age is nothing but a number! And you should be judged on life experiences not the day your Mom poped you out!

Have to? No. Will? Yes.

And that's part of my points. You do a disservice, because you you give someone hope where little exists. The fact is that a couple in your situation will undergo a lot more scrunity, difficulty and problems then a couple that conforms more to societal norms. And telling someone you made a success of it without pointing out all the negatives does a disservice. Would you recommend someone become a smoker because not everyone gets cancer?

Age is more than a number. Its an indication of experience and maturity. I agree that someone should be judged on life experience more than physical age. And that's my I believe your husband lacked maturity. Someone who has 22 years of experience is very unlikely to want to be with a 15 year old unless there is a maturity issue.

Oh, and don't bring up people getting married earlier in the past. Those were vastly different times when marriages were arranged and divorce had a stigma it doesn't have now.