[mmeade0038]

I love my boyfriend (I'll refer to him as B for privacy). We've been together for 7 months, and it's like a dream. But he doesn't give me as much space as I need, and has "refused" to allow me to do a few things. And it's making me rethink the relationship.

From my past boyfriend, B is a huge step up. But he's clingy. A few weeks back, my ex sent me a message apologizing for the way he treated me, and asking if we could be friends. I was okay with it, I'd forgiven him, but I decided to ask B, because I knew that he would want to know. He was absolutely against it. He refused to even hear my side because he was afraid that my ex would snake his way in-between us and drive us apart. I talked to a couple of my other guy friends about this (who for a time B hated, but he's over that), and they said that it probably was in my best effort to not talk to my ex. I trust their advice, so I told him, that I didn't want problems to arise between B and I.

Yesterday a group of my friends were thinking about a weekend getaway to Kings Island for Halloween. There would be us four, without significant others. I knew that B wouldn't be able to go because of his mom. When I called B to ask, he said that he wasn't able to go, like I suspected. When he learned that my guy friends were going too, it was an instant no. Even though these are the same guys who look out for me every day in college and are my closest friends. They are my brothers, figuratively speaking.

I decided to wait it out, talk to him later about it, and have T (one of the guys mentioned above), talk to him and explain it. But B still refused. He doesn't even want me going up to Morehead for a weekend to spend time with my close friends up there. I was supposed to go to Morehead with them, but because of shortage of funds, I'm at ACTC tech.

I hate being restricted. I would have been okay with it, if these were the only two things that have happened, but B gets so upset if I forget to send him a message as soon as I wake up, or when I get home. He always wants to know where I'm at and what I'm doing. He says that he can't live without me, that he "needs" me.

I just don't know what to do. Can someone help me please?

[Homegirl 50]

He is controlling. He has no right to tell you who you can talk to or where you can go, And why are you asking him? He has refused to allow you to do a few things? Does he pay your tuition, your bills, is he your daddy?
Let this one go. He will make your life miserable

[Wondergirl]

Real love means trust, willingness to give the partner space. If there's no trust...

[mmeade0038]

Well, he claims to be worried about my safety, and he apologizes and promises to make it up to me later. He's constantly asking me "Why do you put up with me?" etc. He really is a great guy. But... I don't know. He claims to trust me, he just doesn't trust other people. He wants me to wear my hair up when I'm not around him, and there are certain jeans or shirts that I can only wear around him. The thought of losing him kills me, but I hate being restricted as well.

[Homegirl 50]

This boy has issues and you need to stop enabling him. You have only been with him 7 months and he's telling you what to wear, were to go and who to talk to? It will only get worse. You need to leave him alone.

[Wondergirl]

Well, he claims to be worried about my safety, and he apologizes and promises to make it up to me later. he's constantly asking me "Why do you put up with me?" etc. He really is a great guy. But... I don't know. he claims to trust me, he just doesn't trust other people. He wants me to wear my hair up when I'm not around him, and their are certain jeans or shirts that I can only wear around him. The thought of losing him kills me, but I hate being restricted as well.

He doesn't trust YOU. Why can't you see that?

What part of him is a "great guy"?

[mmeade0038]

He doesn't trust YOU. Why can't you see that?

What part of him is a "great guy"?

The part of him that's a great guy is he tells me everything, he doesn't look at other girls, he makes me feel, loved and needed. Showers me with gifts even though I don't need them to be happy.

[Wondergirl]

The part of him that's a great guy is he tells me everything, he doesn't look at other girls, he makes me feel, loved and needed. Showers me with gifts even though I don't need them to be happy.

Now, let's think about that. Why the showering with gifts? Because he loves you--or for some other reason?

He knows guys check you out because he checks out other women. It's the nature of the male. I don't believe he doesn't notice other women, even in a cursory way.

Is his effort to make you "feel loved and needed" part of his "locking you in" process?

[mmeade0038]

Now, let's think about that. Why the showering with gifts? Because he loves you--or for some other reason?

He knows guys check you out because he checks out other women. It's the nature of the male. I don't believe he doesn't notice other women, even in a cursory way.

Is his effort to make you "feel loved and needed" part of his "locking you in" process?

Well, I know that when we watch movies, if there's even the slightest bit of nudity, even a woman in a bathing suit, etc, he looks away and asks me to tell him when it's off the screen.

[Wondergirl]

Well, I know that when we watch movies, if there's even the slightest bit of nudity, even a woman in a bathing suit, etc, he looks away and asks me to tell him when it's off the screen.

Is he a very religious person? What has his upbringing been like that he is so rigid?

[mmeade0038]

Is he a very religious person? What has his upbringing been like that he is so rigid?

No, he's not very religious. He just believes that when you are in a relationship with someone, then you should be loyal to them. He views seeing someone as attractive a form of cheating. Or looking at any form of nudity other than your partners. Because it makes you lust after that other person. Essentially, when you are with someone, you shouldn't be attracted to ANYONE else in the slightest way.

[Homegirl 50]

This guy has issues and he is going to drive you crazy. How old is he?

[Homegirl 50]

He wants to mold you into someone who is like him. He want to control and change you. How old are you?

[Wondergirl]

No, he's not very religious. He just believes that when you are in a relationship with someone, then you should be loyal to them. He views seeing someone as attractive a form of cheating. Or looking at any form of nudity other than your partners. Because it makes you lust after that other person. essentially, when you are with someone, you shouldn't be attracted to ANYONE else in the slightest way.

That is a very definite warning sign -- along with the showering of gifts, lack of trust, his directives on hair and clothes, his checking up on your whereabouts (?).

[mmeade0038]

That is a very definite warning sign -- along with the showering of gifts, lack of trust, his directives on hair and clothes, his checking up on your whereabouts (?).

We're both 18. I'm a few months older then he is. And he does like knowing where I'm at yes.

[Wondergirl]

We're both 18. I'm a few months older then he is. And he does like knowing where I'm at yes.

That doesn't turn on flashing warning lights in your brain?

[Homegirl 50]

This is a huge red flag.

[mmeade0038]

That doesn't turn on flashing warning lights in your brain?

Well he says he just likes knowing that I've arrived at places safely.

[Wondergirl]

Well he says he just likes knowing that I've arrived at places safely.

Good line...

And how does he excuse the clothing and hair directives?

[Homegirl 50]

I think you know this is not normal, which is why you're asking.
This is a bad relationship. He is the type who can be abusive when he is angered and disobeyed. You need to leave him alone.