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louellie · Mar 9, 2007, 02:29 AM

I have been seeing a lovely fella (usually!) for 8mths now. Im a young 43 and he is 30. Things have been fine although he has recently found out he has diabetes 2 and has had a lot of problems from that, emotional & physical. I have done everything to support and help him and always been there for him.
Last week we made arrangements to see one another (fri night). He text at 2.30 to ask what we were doing and I replied. I didn't hear a thing till 8.50 p.m. I tried ringing and texting - no reply and the last time I rang he switched it off - this was at 8.35 (although he says he didnt). Id had enough waiting around and so for the first time ever I rang a mate and asked if she was doing anything. Lo and behold 5 minutes later after me making other arrangements he text apologising. He said he had gone out for a few drinks that afternoon, came home and went to bed (obviously not considering me). I told him id made other arrangements now and he went mad (bearing in mind all this is by text). He said it was over as I obviously didn't care about him, he could have been in a coma or anything but all I cared about was going for a drink with mates. He said he hoped I was pleased as that had ended it. Couldn't believe it. Since then he has apologised saying he was out of order doing what he did but I was to take the blame too as he thought what I did was bad!! He hasn't attempted to see me or talk to me as he says he doesn't know what to say or do anymore. He then text yesterday and he said we should meet to talk as it had got a mess and out of hand (which is what id been saying all along). I agreed and said to meet last night after he finished work at 9 p.m. Then he says maybe it not a good idea as it might make things worse! I just don't know what to do anymore - it all seems so stupid but I fear he is so stubborn that he may just let things go and that will be it. He says he loves me - he has had 2 relationships before and he says he never loved them as much as me. His behaviour doesn't show it though. There have been issues before and I have always gone to his to talk & sort things out. I decided this time I wouldn't do that and have made a stand but I feel if I don't do something that will be it and am so upset and angry too at the moment. Any advice would be appreciated - I need to know one way or the other what he wants so I can get on with my life. This is no good at all like this.

valinors_sorrow · Mar 9, 2007, 06:45 AM

I would believe his actions over his words. I am immediately struck by the notion that he wants someone to look after him. When you provided that, it went well. But as soon as you didn't provided that, all hell broke loose. It leaves an impression that he is 30 going on 15 here. You need to date a grown up and I sense he isn't one? Maybe next time go a lot slower too? Eight months is hardly long at all to really know someone.

talaniman · Mar 9, 2007, 03:21 PM

I think your finally getting to know the real person that he is, and must decide if its worth continuing or not. Take a few days to think about it. Your mature and he isn't.

tinsign · Mar 9, 2007, 03:24 PM

Well hun lets just say this he is letting his true self show now.. at least though you now know what he is truly like and not that plastic stage of when you first meet..
Myself I say let him go because you need someone who is not going to play headgames with you.. I say get out there and find a man who acts like an adult.

Ash123 · Mar 9, 2007, 04:54 PM

All the TEXTING is worrisome.

I mean this is an anonymous online forum, so people can toss out ideas and feelings safely from the ether, but it seems that too much communication is coming in little distant signals... Why so little talking?

Secondly, his temper is worrisome. Another control issue. He gets upset when you finally draw your own plan after being put on hold while he (presumably) monitors incoming calls.

Finally, "what is he thinking" you ask: I'd say this: He likes you. He also likes his independence and that's why all the texting. He is thinking that he can have his cake and eat it too. If you really care about him (and that seems like a bad choice, but I'm not there) you need to see if he can operate more how you like and accept you as you are and be more reliable. And go from there...

The "elephant in the room" is the age difference. If you want a family and a marriage, and he is in no way ready - or is perhaps protecting himself from that reality - then you have to ask yourself if that matters. Better to deal with it now than later.

Good luck!

shygrneyzs · Mar 9, 2007, 07:17 PM

He has Diabetes II and is out drinking? What does that tell you?

I would be extremely cautious in having anything to do with him - his actions DO speak louder than his text messaging. He is not even able to act responsibly considering his own health! Not to mention the inconsideration he has shown you, not to mention the anger he displays, not to mention him putting off earnest discussion until IT pleases him. A control freak?? Things on his terms and in his timing?

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit and do not look back. Go about your life, see your friends, and chalk this one up to learning. Good luck.

TrueFaith · Mar 9, 2007, 10:00 PM

Hey there I dated a girl with typ 2.. I loved her to death but she had the most awful mood swings wasn't her fault. Be ready to live with that.. because I couldn't :(

Regards

JoeCanada76 · Mar 10, 2007, 12:58 AM

Yes, one of the things that worried me as well. All the communication is pretty much by texting. I honestly think that this guy thinks it is okay for him to go drinking but your not allowed going out with your friends. Stinks real bad of control here.

Who care if he has diabetes or not. This has nothing to do with you.

I honestly think that you need to end this so called relationship, if you want to call it that. It is not doing you any good and he does not seem to want to take it serious or even put any effort in it.

You also said in your post that other things as happened before, that you have not stated it what they were but since you mentioned it, that is an important part of your decision that you need to make.

I am not saying it is impossible to work out but as others have said actions speaks louder then words.

Time to move on. For real.

Joe