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Homegirl 50 · Aug 28, 2007, 08:26 PM

What I'd lke to know is why would you get envolved with a married man and you also had a boyfriend. If there was not going to be any feelings, why did you enter the relationship in the first place?
A man who cheats on his wife and family is not worth spit. He is selfish and dishonest, and a woman who knowingly messes around with a married man is no better than he is.
Does he want you to leave him alone? No, why should he. He can have his cake and eat it too.
Get some self respact and stop this mess. Pay back is a b***c. What goes around comes around.

url1ttl3s3cr3t · Oct 3, 2007, 12:59 PM

Originally Posted by honeye

I've been seeing this married man for several months now. when we first got involved with each other we said that we was'nt going to let any feeling get in our way. because of his wife and my boyfreind .All of that have changed , i've fallen in love with this man and i now that he have deeply feeling for me,because his cousin whome he is very close with told me.Can Newyears Day ,this guy told me that he was going to be faithful to his wife. i asked him did he want me to leave him alone and he told me that he do'nt know. i asked him how can you have feelings for someone one day and the next day you want to end the relationship. He can't answer the question but he wants to spend a whole day out of town with me.Now this man do'nt want me to leave him along what do you think do you think that it might be love here.

I am in the same situation, dear. It is such a terrible fact that I am a mistress. There would be times that I pity myself because I can foresee that he will never leave his wife for me, specially that they have 2 children. I have kept myself in control in such a way that I am not discussing their marital matters with him. After a year, we broke up. I broke up with him because I am continuously hurt of the fact that there is a wife. I had a terrible time mending, and I found out that he had been miserable as well. We kept our feelings from each other - how we had a hard time letting go. But after a few months, he came back. Call me stupid but I accepted him. It is still hard for me to have this relationship, considering also the fact that I don't see anything wrong with his relationship with his wife. He is sacrificing a lot for me even if I am not asking him to. Sex is not the main factor in our relationship, because even if we don't do it, we are happy, we enjoy each other's company. Until one day, when I am having this "moment" to pity myself, I asked him to choose - just for the sake of asking. "If I were to let you choose, who will it be?" He cried. I know why. Because he cannot leave his wife. But I have proven to myself that he loves me because I heard him, accidentally, talking to someone and telling him that if not for his children, he would have left for me. It is still a doubtful statement. But BOTTOM LINE IS - it is only YOU who can really tell if he loves you or not. I am divorced, I have 2 lovely kids.

If you decide to stay with this married guy, RULE #1: Never compete with the wife. You will always be the loser, because at the end of the day, it is her that he will stay with.
RULE #2: ACCEPT RULE #1

Good Luck, and I'll pray for you... Please pray for me too :)

Homegirl 50 · Oct 3, 2007, 03:11 PM

To both of you, don't mess with someone else's husband. You are taking something that does not belong to you. You are worse than a thief.
These men are selfish and cruel. They want to have their cake and eat it too. I'll bet he is not so willing to share you with another man. If a man is miserable, he will leave is wife. PERIOD. If he is only staying for the kids, he is doing them a this service because he is lying to his kids and cheating. He is probably staying because he does not want to come up off any money.
At any rate he is a liar and a cheat. Now what woman in her right mind wants a man like that? And what self respecting woman is willing to take leftovers?
Both of you ladies need to get a clue.

url1ttl3s3cr3t · Oct 23, 2007, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by honeye

I've been seeing this married man for several months now. when we first got involved with each other we said that we was'nt going to let any feeling get in our way. because of his wife and my boyfreind .All of that have changed , i've fallen in love with this man and i now that he have deeply feeling for me,because his cousin whome he is very close with told me.Can Newyears Day ,this guy told me that he was going to be faithful to his wife. i asked him did he want me to leave him alone and he told me that he do'nt know. i asked him how can you have feelings for someone one day and the next day you want to end the relationship. He can't answer the question but he wants to spend a whole day out of town with me.Now this man do'nt want me to leave him along what do you think do you think that it might be love here.

Well, I am in the same situation. I think there is love there. But are you trying to make him chose between you and his wife? He might be having a hard time because he does not want to lose you, and he does not want you to make him chose between you and his wife, specially if there are children involved. I really don't know what to say, but as for me, I'm having a hard time accepting that my boyfriend will never leave his wife for me because #1 - there are kids involved. #2 - I am not 100% sure, but I think he does not have a problem with his wife, and his wife loves him so much, and I can see why. Are you having sex often? If you are, maybe it is also good to consider that factor. You might be a better partner in bed than his wife. In my case, we are fine even without sex.. I mean, we just let it happen.

There is love somewhere there, girl. But in situations like this that you cannot call the man you love so dearly as "your man", it is very difficult to tell. Only you can feel it. But don't be blinded by your love for him. Always think of reality.

You are the best person to gauge if there is. All I can say is, yes, there is, but the question is HOW MUCH LOVE IS THERE?

heartbrokinbama · Oct 28, 2007, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by honeye

I've been seeing this married man for several months now. when we first got involved with each other we said that we was'nt going to let any feeling get in our way. because of his wife and my boyfreind .All of that have changed , i've fallen in love with this man and i now that he have deeply feeling for me,because his cousin whome he is very close with told me.Can Newyears Day ,this guy told me that he was going to be faithful to his wife. i asked him did he want me to leave him alone and he told me that he do'nt know. i asked him how can you have feelings for someone one day and the next day you want to end the relationship. He can't answer the question but he wants to spend a whole day out of town with me.Now this man do'nt want me to leave him along what do you think do you think that it might be love here.

Men are just scared of change. I truly believe that you can be in love with 2 people at one time.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 29, 2007, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by honeye

I've been seeing this married man for several months now. when we first got involved with each other we said that we was'nt going to let any feeling get in our way. because of his wife and my boyfreind .All of that have changed , i've fallen in love with this man and i now that he have deeply feeling for me,because his cousin whome he is very close with told me.Can Newyears Day ,this guy told me that he was going to be faithful to his wife. i asked him did he want me to leave him alone and he told me that he do'nt know. i asked him how can you have feelings for someone one day and the next day you want to end the relationship. He can't answer the question but he wants to spend a whole day out of town with me.Now this man do'nt want me to leave him along what do you think do you think that it might be love here.

If this man says he wants to be faithful to his wife, then you need to be a decent person and leave him alone. You should not have even asked the question. That should have been you clue to leave him alone.

alicepine · Oct 29, 2007, 04:31 PM

Married men never leave. How can you do this? I mean doesn't it hurt to bad?

wetwillie · Nov 12, 2007, 04:36 PM

I have been living this story for 10 years now. He don't love you, he wants you. Men don't leave their wives and when a relationship is based on sex that is all it will ever be. Get out while you can. I'm still trying to find the strength to get out of the same situation.

Sooner_gurl · Nov 18, 2007, 09:28 AM

Okay babe... listen up... in my experience a married man will say almost anything to keep you in his bed. You need to remember though that he is an unfaithful man and you an unfaithful woman. Although you may really want him in your life you need to see that this situation isn't good for either of you. I can't sit here and call you a whore like some of these ladys do because I have been the other woman before. I knew going in that he wasn't mine to keep but I tried to none the less to keep him. You know what happened? He cheated on me... yes cheated on the one he was cheating with. Get rid of him and find someone who is SINGLE and worth your time. Good Luck Honey!

chinnie_2007 · Feb 17, 2008, 04:37 PM

OK IM THE REALIST person on this website
Let me tell oyu something first of all... HE Isn't YOURS...
1. YOU Didn't FIND HIM
2. YOU Didn't MARRY HIM
3 aND ITS NOT YOU HE IN BED WID AT NIGHT ITS HIS WIFE
Look you seem like a wonderful woman don't do to other you wouldn't want someone doing to you its not fair what goes around comes around and if he can't cheat on his wife what makes you think he loves u

rodandy12 · Feb 20, 2008, 03:07 PM

I'm curious.

Why have you women become mistresses? I'm not talking about the one night stand on the front end. I'm talking about the long term relationships several of you described.

What are you expecting to get out of the relationship?

Do your expectations change over the course of the relationship?

anamia · Feb 20, 2008, 03:13 PM

Married men are awesome if you are not looking for commitment - because they can't commit to you. But I don't think you are a no - commitment kind of girl. You are looking for love. He is looking for lust. There is a huge difference, and very rarely can a married man and a single woman bridge the gap.

He is not going to leave his wife for you. Even if he did, he wouldn't be the man you are used to. You enjoy the man he is when he is with you. If he left his wife, your relationship would change.

He will cheat again... if he isn't already. What, you think you are the only one? Maybe for now...

Just leave him alone and find a guy who is available to love you. I know it sucks, and you want me to say "stick with it. He'll kick her to the curb. He loves you", but he doesn't love you and he won't leave her, and you are a fool if you stay with him.

Think about your own happiness. Being the other woman gets kind of old.

whatIwant · Feb 26, 2008, 09:08 AM

I to have been seeing a married man for 8 months, we started as friend's. Granted his marriage has been on the rocks for 2 years he has still not left her, they are both so misrible. Our relationship or what ever you want to call it is not normal and very painful for me, I have developed medical problems from the stress of him and no matter how much you love someone you can not change their mind. You either put up with it or get out. He does love me, but she has something that keeps him there, I have an idea, but I don't have it, I have everything else but not that. There are no children involved he is 51 years old succeful and has many friends, whom love me dearly. He has a great reputation and I believe he is afaid of what people would think if he left, she is not what she pretends to be in front of other people so they think its him, I know this because I know her, he wants to leave "but" it has to be his choice never force it, if it is meant to be it will be. Men cheat for many different reasons, you have to ask that question, you have to ask them why, but be pre-pared for the answer, it may crush you. My man is not happy at home, but he is 51 and he would have to start all over in a new relationship, men hate doing this and no matter how misrible they are they will stay, they are comfortible, that is how most men are, they hate change.

When we are together it is not always sex, we spend quality time together. He wants me to wait, but remember you need to give a time limit and when the time is up no matter what, keep your word and cut him off, his time is coming and he knows it, if he returns unattached you are meant to be, if not get on with your life find someone who will love you for you.

Make bed and sleep in it.

allornothing · Apr 22, 2008, 04:54 PM

I am new to this site but want to express how I can completely understand what you are saying. I hate that people judge and post comments that are self centered. I know when a man is married he is not yours to take, but that goes for the man as well so when a man seeks someone else then there are issues in the marriage. I know that is wrong but sometimes a little adventure makes things better. I think if you plan to mess with a married man do not and I mean do not expect long term. Its fun, and challanging but not if you want the real thing. Although the couriosity may turn to love its bad to allow it to get that far because they are not yours to keep. I speak from experience, I am married, and involved with a married man and we both care about each other to the point of what we can for what we have. We both understand that neither one of us are leaving our relationship, because we love our mates. BUT the same way we fell for them we fell for each other, one can not help the attraction but one can fulfill it. We enjoy each other and the sex is great especially knowing that when we are finsihed we go our own ways and just desire each other until the next day. My lust has been an ongoing affair for almost a year and its great and it actually helped my current relationship. I feel that no one can judge, hate or express negativity on us because I felt the same way many of you did until the table is turned and your trapped in your heart. Life is a lesson plan, you need to try it to learn sometimes you do sometimes you don't but you live and learn. I don't think you can expect him or want him to leave his wife that is just wrong, you need to just be there if you want to continue it or just let him go.
Hope this helps

Homegirl 50 · Apr 22, 2008, 05:07 PM

Not only is a married man not yours to take, he is not your to sample, not yours to mess with. I don't think it judgmental to say you should not mess with a man or woman who is married to someone else. That is IMO just plain disrespectful and selfish. You want what you want and it does not matter that what you want belongs to someone else, is some one's father or mother, and it totally disrespects the spouse.
I don't understand the mentality "there is nothing wrong with it just don't expect long term" How about keeping your paws off another's spouse.

allornothing · Apr 22, 2008, 05:10 PM

Good point but to each their own!

ravendespair · Aug 3, 2009, 08:02 PM

I see all these peoples responses to your thoughts hun but I can't help but to sit back and wonder if they know how it feels to be in that situation... I read the responses and think how cruel they are the words that must cut you down... surely the words must make you feel they way they make me feel.. I understand the feeling of being with a married man.. the deep feeling of love, the taunting feeling of wishing he wasn't married... but just stop and think for a minute OK? Does he make you happy when your with him, if your like me and the answer is Yes than don't worry about anything else but being in the here and now.. don't know about you but for me that's quite hard lol but I just get so lost in the love he has for me that it allows me to forgot everything else... and then my smile comes back and I forget there's anyone else in the world... so my advance is just to soak in every minute of time you have with him and love it have smiles and laughs and say fook all to everything else love xx

Homegirl 50 · Aug 3, 2009, 10:12 PM

When you take someone else's spouse, you put yourself in that situation and you are subject to whatever grief comes along with it.
You can walk around with your head in the clouds, ignoring and pretending things are peachy, but at the end of the day, you are messing with a married man a man that does not belong to you. And that is the bottom line.
This questioned was asked in 2005. I hope she is still not pinning over this man. I hope she has gotten a spine and dignity and left this clown alone.
Situations such as this cause pain to the family and the other woman. You are fooling yourself if you think this is all just wonderful. Deceit is never wonderful.

HelpinHere · Aug 3, 2009, 10:47 PM

This thread is from '05, four years old.

Why does it keep being brought back?

ravendespair · Aug 4, 2009, 10:34 AM

And if she is like I where I never want my married man to leave his wife.. where in fact I am friends with his wife... where in fact the santatity of marriage doesn't mean to either one of them... for you to state she has no spine or dignity if she is still pinning over him just makes me wonder who are you to judge though... I am damn sure you have done things wrong doesn't matter if you ever been with a married man or not but its not as though you are beyond reponch.. and I believe I stated it wasn't all wonderful.. in fact I laid out some of the harder emotions as well... This all just makes me laugh and feel ashamed for my society has become so closed off to anything other than the norm... This is the land of the free and home of opportunities but after seeing the rest of the world and meeting people from the rest of the world... makes me wish I was hundred thousands miles away... judge me, as I know you will.. judge that poor girl who's only crime was seeking help for a love that is not widly known.. so as your judging ill be here helping all those like me who get caught up in something so wonderful yet so out of the ordinary... ~raven~