[oberursel]

A Mom friend of mine, who tells me my friendship means so much to her, disrespected my husband and hurt my sons feelings over the summer isn't really talking to me. When I told her what she did was hurtful, she just said it was a "disagreement" and we should just move on. No apology. And now she barely has the time of day for me.

She works at the elementary school and I have to see her when I go in to volunteer or pick up my children. Half the time she acts like she doesn't see me or just gives me a simple hello while she keeps walking. This is a woman who knows all of my secrets, her son "used" to play with my son... I give her a cheerful hello and she's got barely nuthin for me. I'm afraid to talk to her because I feel she was completely in the wrong and never apologized, and am thinking she thinks I was in the wrong, when all I did was support my husband and my son.

In a nutshell, her son was on my husbands local baseball team that my son was on. Her and 4 other parents signed their boys, who were also on the team, up for camp the same week we were to be in the playoffs. She gave him her word that they would get the boys to all of the games. When the time came for a tourney game she texted my husband to call her and told him they didn't want to go get the boys ( which would leave their other 7 teammates to forfeit the game).

After he told her several times that he couldn't even believe they were having this conversation, and letting her know that she would have to be the one to tell the rest of the team she texted him later that the boys would show up. But before that she let my husband know that. "the game does not matter, its just a rec league, its not like our travelling team that we played on last year."

To me, that attitude sets a horrible example... and she really just disrespected my husband, the coach, by going back on her word, and by even thinking of throwing the game for the sake of a few kids who were only a half hour away at camp. I also feel that she would have never done that to those other Mom friends of hers whose kids were at camp. But, she was willing to do it to my family...

[JudyKayTee]

A Mom friend of mine, who tells me my friendship means so much to her, disrespected my husband and hurt my sons feelings over the summer isn't really talking to me. When I told her what she did was hurtful, she just said it was a "disagreement" and we should just move on. No apology. And now she barely has the time of day for me.

She works at the elementary school and I have to see her when I go in to volunteer or pick up my children. Half the time she acts like she doesn't see me or just gives me a simple hello while she keeps walking. This is a woman who knows all of my secrets, her son "used" to play with my son...I give her a cheerful hello and she's got barely nuthin for me. I'm afraid to talk to her because I feel she was completely in the wrong and never apologized, and am thinking she thinks I was in the wrong, when all I did was support my husband and my son.

In a nutshell, her son was on my husbands local baseball team that my son was on. Her and 4 other parents signed their boys, who were also on the team, up for camp the same week we were to be in the playoffs. She gave him her word that they would get the boys to all of the games. When the time came for a tourney game she texted my husband to call her and told him they didn't want to go get the boys ( which would leave their other 7 teammates to forfeit the game).

After he told her several times that he couldn't even believe they were having this conversation, and letting her know that she would have to be the one to tell the rest of the team she texted him later that the boys would show up. But before that she let my husband know that. "the game does not matter, its just a rec league, its not like our travelling team that we played on last year."

To me, that attitude sets a horrible example...and she really just disrespected my husband, the coach, by going back on her word, and by even thinking of throwing the game for the sake of a few kids who were only a half hour away at camp. I also feel that she would have never done that to those other Mom friends of hers whose kids were at camp. But, she was willing to do it to my family...

Would I break up a friendship over this? No. Was rude, disrespectful, dismissive of your feelings? It sure sounds like it.

BUT, again, would I end a friendship? No. What I probably would do is approach her and see, "Look, I value your friendship. I'm sorry you got upset over the Summer. I know it got out of hand. I just don't want to lose you as a friend."

She either moves above the argument or she doesn't.

You don't need to apologize but you do need to be sorry that the whole mess happened.

[oberursel]

For the record, I am not the one who looks like they want to end the friendship... and I agree that I have nothing to apologize for... I had told her in an email that she should call me and talk about it since my friendship means so much to her, as she stated. She refused to call me, sent me another email calling the whole thing a "disagreement" and saying that the best if friends should be able to respect that. So basically throwing it in my face that I should just move on and not be hurt. And also... Im the one with the cheerful hellos while she is trying to avoid eye contact... and, in the first place I did nothing wrong, was simply supporting and cheering on the team and my son.

[JudyKayTee]

For the record, I am not the one who looks like they want to end the friendship...and I agree that I have nothing to apologize for...I had told her in an email that she should call me and talk about it since my friendship means so much to her, as she stated. She refused to call me, sent me another email calling the whole thing a "disagreement" and saying that the best if friends should be able to respect that. So basically throwing it in my face that I should just move on and not be hurt. And also...Im the one with the cheerful hellos while she is trying to avoid eye contact...and, in the first place I did nothing wrong, was simply supporting and cheering on the team and my son.

Do I want an email from a friend when there's a problem? No, I want to talk face to face. I think you need to call her IF you respect and miss the relationship. I find your request that "she should call me and talk about it since my friendship means so much to her, as she stated" to be very passive/aggressive. She should call you? The phone works both ways.

I'd stop thinking she's throwing things in your face. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. You either talk to her and apologize for the misunderstanding or the friendship is over.

[joypulv]

Whew. This is one of those things that got overblown. A coach of kids summer teams has to expect that some are going to fall by the wayside, and be prepared for total letdown. I think you took it way too personally ('disrespect' isn't quite the word I would have chosen, and I don't buy this idea that she wouldn't have done this to other moms). Your husband was understandably upset, but he has to let it go too.
We weren't there to know why she is avoiding you. But your rancor is still evident, and it sounds like you let all your feelings out when it happened. She didn't feel like going to get them - maybe lazy, maybe busy, maybe she has some things going on, who knows. She changed her mind about the importance of the game. It happens. You and your husband have to roll with the punches.

[Alty]

I don't think your friend has anything to apologize for. She made other plans for her kids during the summer, and when the game came up she didn't feel like driving 30 minutes out of her way to pick up her son for one little game. It's just a game, not heart surgery.

Bottom line, she got her son to the game because your husband was rude, told her she'd have to be the one to tell the team (when he's the coach) that the game would be forfeited because her son wasn't coming. I can understand why she was upset. What if her son had been sick and couldn't make it? Would you husband have had this attitude then too?

You're demanding an apology, and frankly I don't think she has anything to apologize for. Her son ended up at the game, you and your husband got what you wanted, and maybe she finally realized what lengths you'll go to to get what you want, and she wants nothing more to do with that.

Let it go. There's no reason for her to apologize, you don't see that you're in the wrong, so the friendship is over. I don't see how telling her that you think she should say sorry will help, since she really has no reason to be sorry for anything.

Good luck.

[oberursel]

Whew. This is one of those things that got overblown. A coach of kids summer teams has to expect that some are going to fall by the wayside, and be prepared for total letdown. I think you took it way too personally ('disrespect' isn't quite the word I would have chosen, and I don't buy this idea that she wouldn't have done this to other moms). Your husband was understandably upset, but he has to let it go too.
We weren't there to know why she is avoiding you. But your rancor is still evident, and it sounds like you let all your feelings out when it happened. She didn't feel like going to get them - maybe lazy, maybe busy, maybe she has some things going on, who knows. She changed her mind about the importance of the game. It happens. You and your husband have to roll with the punches.

You are probably right in that I took it way too personally. One thing I need to mention is that I did not start emailing her... she did the emailing, and when I asked her to call me instead she just emailed again... then I just stopped replying because that is not what I do is talk about my personal issues in messages, it only makes matters worse. And I am also waving and saying hello all the time, I always do that. So anyway, the most hurt came from knowing this all came from such a good friend. It was just so disappointing. And of course I know life has many disappointments. It just would have been nice to get an apology. And now you guys think I'm the one who needs to apologize. And I think you're reading into the pasdive/aggressive thing. Passive I'm sure, but not aggressive. I just don't like confrontation of any sort. And I would expect that strangers might go back on their word, but not a best friend. Everyone I've talked to about it here feels the same. It's just my opinion that when you sign up for a team you don't let your team down on purpose. There is no "I" in team...

[JudyKayTee]

You are probably right in that I took it way too personally. One thing I need to mention is that I did not start emailing her...she did the emailing, and when I asked her to call me instead she just emailed again...then I just stopped replying because that is not what I do is talk about my personal issues in msgs, it only makes matters worse. And I am also waving and saying hello all the time, I always do that. So anyway, the most hurt came from knowing this all came from such a good friend. It was just so disappointing. And of course I know life has many disappointments. It just would have been nice to get an apology. And now you guys think I'm the one who needs to apologize. And I think you're reading into the pasdive/aggressive thing. Passive I'm sure, but not aggressive. I just don't like confrontation of any sort. And I would expect that strangers might go back on their word, but not a best friend. Everyone I've talked to about it here feels the same. It's just my opinion that when you sign up for a team you don't let your team down on purpose. There is no "I" in team...

There's no "I" in team? Please don't preach at "us."

You asked a question. More and more details surfaced as you posted.

I NEVER said to apologize for whatever has gone on. I suggested that you apologize because she was upset.

At any rate, you are incorrect: ""she should call me and talk about it since my friendship means so much to her, as she stated" is about as passive/aggressive as you can get.

"Since my friendship means so much to her ..." is pretty aggessive.

You are never going to get an apology because "she" very obviously doesn't think she did anything wrong.

So chalk it up to a friendship gone back, defend your position and find a new friend.

What does this - "is a woman who knows all of my secrets" - have to do with the problem?

[oberursel]

I don't think your friend has anything to apologize for. She made other plans for her kids during the summer, and when the game came up she didn't feel like driving 30 minutes out of her way to pick up her son for one little game. It's just a game, not heart surgery.

Bottom line, she got her son to the game because your husband was rude, told her she'd have to be the one to tell the team (when he's the coach) that the game would be forfeited because her son wasn't coming. I can understand why she was upset. What if her son had been sick and couldn't make it? Would you husband have had this attitude then too?

You're demanding an apology, and frankly I don't think she has anything to apologize for. Her son ended up at the game, you and your husband got what you wanted, and maybe she finally realized what lengths you'll go to to get what you want, and she wants nothing more to do with that.

Let it go. There's no reason for her to apologize, you don't see that you're in the wrong, so the friendship is over. I don't see how telling her that you think she should say sorry will help, since she really has no reason to be sorry for anything.

Good luck.

For the record, I never demanded an apology... and I don't expect one... the main problem was that for 8 weeks she promised those 5 boys would be there. My husband told her that if they weren't going to make it back to just let him know... and we could have gotten other players from other teams to take their place. They talked about it many times. She assured him every time that they would be there. It was the tournament we were in the middle of. So, anyway... and being that you know nothing about me, I don't ever push things with anyone to get my way... ad a matter of fact I'm very much the opposite and always retreat and avoid conflict...

[Alty]

It just would have been nice to get an apology.

Yes, when someone does something wrong it's always nice for them to apologize. The fact is, your friend only did something wrong in your eyes, and only your eyes. I don't see that she did anything wrong, in fact, in the end you and your husband got your way, and her son and the other kids were at the game. So why should she apologize?

You want an apology, she doesn't feel she owes you one, and that's why you're no longer friends, because you couldn't let it go without her apologizing for something she shouldn't have to apologize for.

You want what you want, and she's not willing to bow down to that. You can either accept that you both don't agree that either one of you is wrong, or you can continue to demand that you get an apology, and lose someone that apparently thinks you're the best friend in the world. Funny that you never once mentioned what she means to you, only what you mean to her. That says a lot.

[JudyKayTee]

For the record, I never demanded an apology...and I don't expect one...the main problem was that for 8 weeks she promised those 5 boys would be there. My husband told her that if they werent going to make it back to just let him know...and we could have gotten other players from other teams to take their place. They talked about it many times. She assured him every time that they would be there. It was the tournament we were in the middle of. So, anyway...and being that you know nothing about me, I don't ever push things with anyone to get my way...ad a matter of fact I'm very much the opposite and always retreat and avoid conflict...

Cutting right to the chase - your husband was the coach, not you. Let him handle it. I hear a lot of "your husband" and "they" and "we." My husband coached little league. For whatever reason the wives/mothers couldn't stay out of the planning. If your husband is incapable of doing the job, have him resign and you take over.

I can't imagine losing a friend of kid's baseball. This could have been a wonderful example of how to keep "your" word, how not to hurt other people. Instead it's turned into adults (presumably) not speaking to other adults. "You call me." "No, you call me."

I wish I had these problems in my life - and I'll bet a couple of people who have answered you have the same feeling.

Maybe your children had hurt feelings, maybe she insulted your husband.

You are taking this way too personally.

And what is the meaning of her knowing your secrets?

[Alty]

For the record, I never demanded an apology...and I don't expect one...the main problem was that for 8 weeks she promised those 5 boys would be there. My husband told her that if they werent going to make it back to just let him know...and we could have gotten other players from other teams to take their place. They talked about it many times. She assured him every time that they would be there. It was the tournament we were in the middle of. So, anyway...and being that you know nothing about me, I don't ever push things with anyone to get my way...ad a matter of fact I'm very much the opposite and always retreat and avoid conflict...

How is she responsible for these 4 other kids? Are all of these kids hers? How can she promise that all 5 kids (including her son) will be at the tournament? The other parents would have to make that promise, not your friend.

You keep saying you want an apology. You said that you told her that you want an apology. So yes, you demanded an apology. She didn't feel she needed to give one, and that's why you're no longer friends.

[oberursel]

There's no "I" in team? Please don't preach at "us."

You asked a question. More and more details surfaced as you posted.

I NEVER said to apologize for whatever has gone on. I suggested that you apologize because she was upset.

At any rate, you are incorrect: ""she should call me and talk about it since my friendship means so much to her, as she stated" is about as passive/aggressive as you can get.

"Since my friendship means so much to her ..." is pretty aggessive.

You are never going to get an apology because "she" very obviously doesn't think she did anything wrong.

So chalk it up to a friendship gone back, defend your position and find a new friend.

What does this - "is a woman who knows all of my secrets" - have to do with the problem?

What I did not say in actual words to her was "since my friendship means so much to you" but I was merely thinking it in my head that it would be a lot better to actually talk... since we are such good friends. I guess I expected a call instead, but people never do what you expect them to. The saying of she's a person I tell my secrets to is just explaining that we are good friends.

[oberursel]

Yes, when someone does something wrong it's always nice for them to apologize. The fact is, your friend only did something wrong in your eyes, and only your eyes. I don't see that she













did anything wrong, in fact, in the end you and your husband got your way, and her son and the other kids were at the game. So why should she apologize?

You want an apology, she doesn't feel she owes you one, and that's why you're no longer friends, because you couldn't let it go without her apologizing for something she shouldn't have to apologize for.

You want what you want, and she's not willing to bow down to that. You can either accept that you both don't agree that either one of you is wrong, or you can continue to demand that you get an apology, and lose someone that apparently thinks you're the best friend in the world. Funny that you never once mentioned what she means to you, only what you mean to her. That says a lot.

Once again, never demanded an apology... just said it would be nice that's all... thats not a demand... and Ive told her over and over in person how much she means to me... I can't write my life story here... she knows I love her... peace to you...

[JudyKayTee]

What I did not say in actual words to her was "since my friendship means so much to you" but I was merely thinking it in my head that it would be a lot better to actually talk...since we are such good friends. I guess I expected a call instead, but people never do what you expect them to. The saying of shes a person I tell my secrets to is just explaining that we are good friends.

You keep changing your "questions" to suit the answers.

It's either "I had told her in an email that she should call me and talk about it since my friendship means so much to her, as she stated." Now it's "What I did not say in actual words to her was 'since my friendship means so much to you' but I was merely thinking it in my head".

Apparently what you were thinking in your head somehow got to your fingers when you typed the email.

I think it's all been said. Anyone in agreement, for example, a moderator?

[oberursel]

You keep changing your "questions" to suit the answers.

It's either "I had told her in an email that she should call me and talk abo






ut it since my friendship means so much to her, as she stated." Now it's "What I did not say in actual words to her was 'since my friendship means so much to you' but I was merely thinking it in my head".

Apparently what you were thinking in your head somehow got to your fingers when you typed the email.

I think it's all been said. Anyone in agreement, for example, a moderator?

This is precisely why I don't email. You are confusef. You don't know me. And yes that original thought on here was typed in wrong. Tough to type thoughts clearly on my phone. Have an excellent night!

[Fr_Chuck]

This is a kids baseball game, one of the things that parents take way to serious. Yes they may have had to forefeit the game, happens all the time.

These parents did not see the same importance and too much was made of the game and most likely too much was said about why they needed to do something they decided not to do already.

You all need to tell them you are sorry about trying to force them to do something they did not want to to. And stop looking for them to feel they were wrong. This is the issue that I am seeing, you expect them to "talk" about it.

How about not expecting that, and trying to just go on and pretend it never happened.

[Alty]

This is precisely why I dont email. You are confusef. You dont know me. And yes that original thought on here was typed in wrong. Tough to type thoughts clearly on my phone. Have an excellent night!

You wrote it. We can only go by what you write. My crystal ball is in the shop, and I know that Judy's has been on the fritz for months now. We can't read your mind, we go by what you write. You're all over the place, you change your story when you're called on something that makes you look bad.

You know what that tells me? It wasn't a typo, you want someone to tell you you're right, and since no one is doing that, you're changing your story in the hopes that someone will agree with you. If that's how you treated your friend then is it any wonder that she decided you're not worth it?

The truth hurts, but it doesn't change the facts. Either accept that you're in the wrong, or keep changing things around in your head so that you can sleep at night knowing that you're right and she's wrong.

[oberursel]

You wrote it. We can only go by what you write. My crystal ball is in the shop, and I know that Judy's has been on the fritz for months now. We can't read your mind, we go by what you write.

You're all over the place, you change your story when you're called on something that makes you look bad.

You know what that tells me? It wasn't a typo, you want someone to tell you you're right, and since no one is doing that, you're changing your story in the hopes that someone will agree with you. If that's how you treated your friend then is it any wonder that she decided you're not worth it?

The truth hurts, but it doesn't change the facts. Either accept that you're in the wrong, or keep changing things around in your head so that you can sleep at night knowing that you're right and she's wrong.

Once again... peace to you... I just talked to her and she said she loves me... you seem like a very angry person who likes to twist things around to prove that she is always right... your negative vibes are showing... have a beautiful life... and I am worth it, that was never in question... we all are... :)

[Alty]

Once again...peace to you...I just talked to her and she said she loves me...you seem like a very angry person who likes to twist things around to prove that she is always right...your negative vibes are showing...have a beautiful life...and I am worth it, that was never in question...we all are ...:)

I find this interesting. You keep telling us not to judge you based on what you wrote, and yet you judge me. Thanks for confirming what I've been saying all along. You see things the way you want to see them, and twist things around to make yourself look good. That's very clear.

I'm glad you and your friend made up. I wish her luck.

Good bye. :)