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    kimi23's Avatar
    kimi23 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Sep 8, 2012, 12:28 PM
    Deceased husband
    My husband passed this past November. We have 3young children together. My parents keep them a lot of times now because of my work schedule which I can't change. I can't afford a nanny and don't qualify for state help. The stress is building up on both myself and my children. I just don't know what to do except wish for my husband back. Please if anyone has any suggestions I'm willing to hear them.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #2

    Sep 8, 2012, 12:43 PM
    I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a husband so young is a real tragedy!

    How old are the children?

    What are your three biggest stressors?
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member
     
    #3

    Sep 8, 2012, 01:18 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kimi23 View Post
    My husband passed this past November. We have 3young children together. My parents keep them a lot of times now because of my work schedule which I can't change. I can't afford a nanny and don't qualify for state help. The stress is building up on both myself and my children. I just don't know what to do except wish for my husband back. Please if anyone has any suggestions I'm willing to hear them.

    I'm sorry - I am also a widow, but I had no young children.

    I can't address the child care problem, and I know sitters and nannies and the like are very, very expensive.

    I know about grieving, I know about wishing somebody back. I realize you are working, worried about tomorrow. Are you taking care of yourself? Are his parents, any of his family members in a position to help you with the day care/babysitting part of things? You need to get a handle on your stress in order to help your children handle their stress. And I know it's not easy.

    In my area churches and schools offer day care, and the fees are based on income. Do you have anything like that in your area?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #4

    Sep 8, 2012, 03:19 PM
    Is there a family member who could and would live with you? Someone young with no job, someone old and retired, someone recently divorced or broken up? It means a lot to have someone under your roof. Put out the word on Facebook. You could write a contract (cold as it sounds, it helps to have everything spelled out) about the dollar value of room and board and how many hours a week are expected to do chores and child care, and exactly what. Personally I think it's best to exchange money for rent, utitilites, and food paid to you, and for work paid to her or him. That way if something changes you aren't stuck with a freeloader.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #5

    Sep 9, 2012, 06:00 AM
    You just take one day at a time and do your best. It often means allowing family to help with child care
    kimi23's Avatar
    kimi23 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Sep 9, 2012, 02:31 PM
    Deceased husband
    I wanted to respond back to wondergirls question to me. My children are 6, 3, and 2, soon to be 7, 4, and 3. I work at 6 am so they spend aot of nights at grandma and grandpas. The kids cry to come home and I so want to bring them home. I get off work at 2:30 pm and sit with them at my moms till 9 pm so I can be with them then go home to bed myself. It is getting old for me to and can't see anything better for myself. Iove my husband but I want to feel alive again but can't sitting at my parents day after day. His famy deserted us.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member
     
    #7

    Sep 9, 2012, 02:48 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kimi23 View Post
    I wanted to respond back to wondergirls question to me. My children are 6, 3, and 2, soon to be 7, 4, and 3. I work at 6 am so they spend aot of nights at grandma and grandpas. The kids cry to come home and I so want to bring them home. I get off work at 2:30 pm and sit with them at my moms till 9 pm so I can be with them then go home to bed myself. It is getting old for me to and can't see anything better for myself. Iove my husband but I want to feel alive again but can't sitting at my parents day after day. His famy deserted us.

    It isn't bad enough and then his parents walk away - I'm so sorry.

    You are pretty much running yourself ragged.

    Have you looked into reasonable child care at churches, schools, YMCA (for example)? My stepdaughter placed her son in daycare at a local community college which is staffed by both teachers and students. The fees are income based.

    How are you dealing with grieving?

    Moving in, finding peace, getting a life has nothing to do with the love you have for your husband. You have small children, you are a young woman. You need to pick up your life, as hard as that is, get a semblance of order, and move on.

    Where in the US are you, generally?

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