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JC_55 · Sep 4, 2012, 01:55 AM

I am dating a 13 yr old and she turns 14 next month. Her mom has no problem with it but her step dad does not approve he has told me to stop seeing her and called the cops on me. Can anyone help me with this situation?

Curlyben · Sep 4, 2012, 02:00 AM

While there are no laws covering dating, there are a lot of other issues here.
There is a vast gulf in terms of maturity levels at this age.

As a parent myself I would NOT allow my THIRTEEN year old daughter to "date" a SEVENTEEN year old at all and I would also involve the police and Child protection if you refused to abide by my wishes.
Her father can make your life very difficult indeed...

JC_55 · Sep 4, 2012, 02:05 AM

Originally Posted by Curlyben

While there are no laws covering dating, there are a lot of other issues here.
There is a vast gulf in terms of maturity levels at this age.

As a parent myself I would NOT allow my THIRTEEN year old daughter to "date" a SEVENTEEN year old at all and I would also involve the police and Child protection if you refused to abide by my wishes.
Her father can make your life very difficult indeed...

I understand that. But her mom has no problem with it. Her step dad is the one who does

Curlyben · Sep 4, 2012, 02:08 AM

Put it this way, unless BOTH parents agree then back off.
To be blunt with you, the father is more likely to take matters into his own hands than the mother, which could work out badly for you.

Also You will be an ADULT very soon and then you have NO connection with a MINOR. That being the case the Police would be more interested in your conduct.

JC_55 · Sep 4, 2012, 02:12 AM

I just turned 17 yesterday and that's when he started to disapprove. And she turns 14 in less than a month. But can her step dad do anything about it? Since her mom approves can he do anything to stop it?

joypulv · Sep 4, 2012, 03:11 AM

Yes he can. Any adult can, teacher, neighbor, anyone 18 or over can report you. It doesn't matter if you aren't even having sex, if they suspect you are. You can look up 'Romeo and Juliet laws' for your state, which not all states have, but which cover sexual relations between teens who are both minors. (Again, you can get in trouble whether you are having sex or not.)

ScottGem · Sep 4, 2012, 03:44 AM

How many different ways do we need to say it? If the step father says no, then you back off! You can tell the girl to try and get the mother to talk to the father and work on him. But until he agrees as well, you are risking trouble by continuing to date her.

And if there is anything sexual in your relationship you are risking jail.

J9M9K · Sep 4, 2012, 04:57 AM

No, but when the 17 yr old turns 18, it will be then :) Keep that in mind. Her parents freak out.. you're in jail.. that's the truth of the matter. Is it fair, NO, but it's life. Sorry!

joypulv · Sep 4, 2012, 05:36 AM

The first part of OP's question relates to legality of DATING a minor. Dating isn't illegal, but this is a case where a parent has said that that minor isn't allowed to date the OP. There are laws regarding risk of injury to a minor - e.g. she gets pregnant or a disease or you go out in your car and are in an accident, or go to a party and drugs are present and you all get arrested, and so on. Laws are differing, and go by state. We don't even know OP's state yet.

The subject of custodial interference has also been raised here before, and again, those laws go by state. Usually they refer to one parent taking a child shared with the other parent. But I found this for Hawaii:
"Custodial interference in the second degree. (1) A person commits the offense of custodial interference in the second degree if:
(a) The person intentionally or knowingly takes, entices, conceals, or detains a minor knowing that the person has no right to do so.."

So there are ways for adults to get you in a heap of trouble, regardless of the terms used by the courts in your state. Notice the word 'entices.' I'm sure her dad, stepdad or not, would glom onto that word in a heartbeat.

Cat1864 · Sep 4, 2012, 05:49 AM

For the record, I agree that you should obey the step-father and stay away.

JC, do you mind sharing which state/country you live in?

How long were you dating?

If her step-father didn't have a problem until recently, why did he change his mind? Was it just because you turned 17 or did something else happen? It may not even be something you did, but rather what she has done or not done.

Does she have a strong mother or does she usually get her way with her mother? If mom usually gives in to what her child wants, then her permission may not be freely given. It may be the price she thinks she has to pay to keep her daughter from causing problems.

J_9 · Sep 4, 2012, 06:30 AM

Originally Posted by JC_55

I just turned 17 yesterday and that's when he started to disapprove. And she turns 14 in less than a month. but can her step dad do anything about it? Since her mom approves can he do anything to stop it?

It doesn't matter that you turned 17 yesterday and that she turns 14 in less than a month. What matters is that you ARE 17 and she IS 13 and her step-father said NO.

It appears her step-father has a better head on his shoulders than her mother does.

Can he call the cops? Yes. Will he? I don't know. Can you get in trouble if he does call the cops? YES, it's called parental interference.

JC_55 · Sep 4, 2012, 10:26 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

For the record, I agree that you should obey the step-father and stay away.

JC, do you mind sharing which state/country you live in?

How long were you dating?

If her step-father didn't have a problem until recently, why did he change his mind? Was it just because you turned 17 or did something else happen? It may not even be something you did, but rather what she has done or not done.

Does she have a strong mother or does she usually get her way with her mother? If mom usually gives in to what her child wants, then her permission may not be freely given. It may be the price she thinks she has to pay to keep her daughter from causing problems.

I live in Texas and I did nothing wrong I was on the phone with her and I heard her step dad come in and she told him it was my birthday and he told me happy birthday but the next day he started to say that we aren't allowed to date and we have been dating for 4 months and he knew and,was okay until The day after my birthday. And her mom doesn't give in to her at all her mom likes that We are dating as long as I respect her and treat her right so she's never had a problem with it. So I have no idea why he changed his mind all of a sudden but he did

joypulv · Sep 5, 2012, 02:04 AM

Now we know why dad did what he did: he checked up on the law.
The Texas legal Age of Consent for sexual contact is 17 years old.
There is no close-in-age exemption (commonly called a Romeo and Juliet law) in Texas.
But if the defendant (you) is less then 3 years older than the victim and the sexual act was consensual, then you might have an acceptable defense, according to one Texas legal site I looked at. YOU ARE MORE THAN THAT by a little, but a little is all it takes. And since the part about 3 years isn't even part of the law, you could still be convicted even if you were 3 years or less apart.

The Age of Consent is the age at which a person is deemed to be capable of consenting to, and engaging in, sexual acts. Anyone who engages in sexual activity of any type with a partner under the applicable Age of Consent is breaking the law and can be charged with a misdemeanor or a felony (statutory rape).

ScottGem · Sep 5, 2012, 03:03 AM

Originally Posted by JC_55

I live in Texas and I did nothing wrong I was on the phone with her and I heard her step dad come in and she told him it was my birthday and he told me happy birthday but the next day he started to say that we aren't allowed to date and we have been dating for 4 months and he knew and,was okay until The day after my birthday. And her mom doesn't give in to her at all her mom likes that We are dating as long as I respect her and treat her right so she's never had a problem with it. So I have no idea why he changed his mind all of a sudden but he did

So have you asked to sit down with her parents and discuss it? Offer to take the family out to dinner and talk it over with them.

Its certainly possible that someone explained the law to her father and that's what set him off. But, in fact its HER age that matters not yours.

The bottom line is still that, as long as either of her parents forbid it you can get in trouble for defying them. The only thing you can do is try to work on them to show how serious you are about the relationship and how much you respect them and their daughter.

Cat1864 · Sep 5, 2012, 06:19 AM

Originally Posted by JC_55

I live in Texas and I did nothing wrong I was on the phone with her and I heard her step dad come in and she told him it was my birthday and he told me happy birthday but the next day he started to say that we aren't allowed to date and we have been dating for 4 months and he knew and,was okay until The day after my birthday. And her mom doesn't give in to her at all her mom likes that We are dating as long as I respect her and treat her right so she's never had a problem with it. So I have no idea why he changed his mind all of a sudden but he did

I am dating a 13 yr old and she turns 14 next month. Her mom has no problem with it but her step dad does not approve he has told me to stop seeing her and called the cops on me. Can anyone help me with this situation?

So, how did the cops get involved?

I think he may not have realized how big the age gap between you is. It is one thing to have your almost 14 year old step-daughter dating a just turned 16 year old. It is another for her to be dating a just turned 17 year old.

I like Scott's suggestion but I think it should be one on one with the Step-father. Respectfully ask him to talk with you. Listen to his concerns. Try not to get defensive. Look at the situation from his view point. Then you can see what you might be able to do or say to change his mind. Don't try to force it. See if there might be a compromise such as only seeing each other in group settings. Agreeing to limit physical contact. Perhaps being friends instead of a couple.

If he still says no, then back off and leave her alone. Whatever you and she do, do not go behind his back. No sneaking around. If you get caught, the price will be way too high. It could be legal issues for you and it will be a loss of trust for both of you. Losing his trust may not seem like a big deal to you, but for her it could be a loss of freedom and privileges. Plus, it would give the step-father proof he was right to separate you.

JudyKayTee · Sep 5, 2012, 06:34 AM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

So, how did the cops get involved? .

You beat me to it - how did the Police get involved?

You were dating for X months, no problems, stepfather heard the two of you on the telephone, said he doesn't want "you" to continue dating and called the Police?

That doesn't make sense.

Or did you continue to see her AFTER he said no?

secretscorpio · Sep 5, 2012, 07:01 AM

If you had genuine feelings for this girl, you would wait until she was old enough to be ready for a relationship. You are both young and she is not emotionally, mentally or physically ready for what a 17 year old wants from a relationship. If you have tried to touch her physically, fondle her or have sex with her, you are guilty of crimes that may be punishable by the law that are criminal. If it was my daughter and she was 13 and the male was 17, I would personally have physical harm done to you and call the police on you every time you went near her. Of course it is wrong for a 17 year old to want to date a 13 year old child. You need to get your parents to send you to a psychologist for help as if you are almost of adult age wanting to date a CHILD??

ScottGem · Sep 5, 2012, 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by secretscorpio

If you had genuine feelings for this girl, you would wait until she was old enough to be ready for a relationship. You are both young and she is not emotionally, mentally or physically ready for what a 17 year old wants from a relationship. If you have tried to touch her physically, fondle her or have sex with her, you are guilty of crimes that may be punishable by the law that are criminal. If it was my daughter and she was 13 and the male was 17, I would personally have physical harm done to you and call the police on you every time you went near her. Of course it is wrong for a 17 year old to want to date a 13 year old child. You need to get your parents to send you to a psychologist for help as if you are almost of adult age wanting to date a CHILD????

WHOA. You are assuming way too much here. While I tend to agree that 13 is too young to date, it is becoming more commonplace. But the real point here, is that the OP was dating the girl WITH THE PARENT'S PERMISSION until recently. So I don't see any justification for a lot of what you said.

JudyKayTee · Sep 5, 2012, 07:22 AM

Originally Posted by secretscorpio

If you had genuine feelings for this girl, you would wait until she was old enough to be ready for a relationship. You are both young and she is not emotionally, mentally or physically ready for what a 17 year old wants from a relationship. If you have tried to touch her physically, fondle her or have sex with her, you are guilty of crimes that may be punishable by the law that are criminal. If it was my daughter and she was 13 and the male was 17, I would personally have physical harm done to you and call the police on you every time you went near her. Of course it is wrong for a 17 year old to want to date a 13 year old child. You need to get your parents to send you to a psychologist for help as if you are almost of adult age wanting to date a CHILD????

I see a very emotional response here based on nothing I am reading.

The question is whether it's ILLEGAL for a 17 year old to date a 13 year old. The answer is no. Then, of course, the issue of the stepfather forbidding dating becomes an issue.

You would have "physical harm" come to a 17-year old?

You are recommending a Psychologist for the 17-year old who, from what I can tell, has been nothing but respectful here.

You have no idea what THIS 17-year old wants from the relationship - please don't generalize.

Maybe you don't approve, but I don't know where you are coming from - and threats of physical violence from an adult to a 17-year old?