Check out some similar questions!

Np038318 · Aug 15, 2012, 04:31 PM

I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months--our relationship has been flawless. We never fight--just the occasional argument, or being annoyed with each other, but never any major problems. I get along with his family great, his mom wants us to get married, and his friends like me too.

The past three days he's been acting strange, unaffectionate as compared to usual. I wrote it off as nothing because I'm on my period and I can be emotional. I went to his house today and he was still being strange so I asked if he was happy? That's when he said we need to talk. He told me he was in love with me, that I'm beautiful and wonderful and I have been the best girlfriend he's ever had, (which he should think, because I've been absolutely perfect, and I really try to be that way). But he says, the reason he wants to break up is because the depth of which I am in love with him is much deeper than what he feels for me. He says I deserve someone better and it's not fair to me to stay in a relationship where I love him more than he does me.

I had no idea that he felt this way, and in my eyes he treats me wonderfully. He just says something isn't there for him. A missing piece. He cried so much during the breakup, more than me almost. By the end he was saying, I wish I could undo it and just grab you and kiss you and hold you. The he said he wanted to just take a break for a few days and he'll decide what to do. He says it was hurting him lots more than he thought and he does still love me and doesn't want to do something he's going to regret.

I know he's being truthful as to why, I just don't understand why he would be so drastic. Do I try and talk to him, tell him I'm hurt, or just have no contact? My friend went through a similar situation come to find out where she was in my boyfriend's position. She decided to stick out the phase and now, 1 year later they're still together and she says she now loves him more!

I want to tell my boyfriend these things so he's not only taking advice from his friends. I don't know what to do or how to act. Of course I want him back, but I want to know what's the best thing for me to do no matter what the outcome of the situation will be.

JudyKayTee · Aug 15, 2012, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by Np038318

He told me he was in love with me, that I'm beautiful and wonderful and I have been the best girlfriend he's ever had, (which he should think, because I've been absolutely perfect, and I really try to be that way). But he says, the reason he wants to break up is because the depth of which I am in love with him is much deeper than what he feels for me.

You can't make anyone love you - I am concerned about your "absolutely perfect" language. Maybe you are "absolutely perfect" by your standards but not his.

He has very clearly expressed his feelings -

I think you now need to stop contact, let him decide if/when/where he wants to reconnect with you.

Wondergirl · Aug 15, 2012, 04:51 PM

I say go No Contact.

blndsundoll98 · Aug 15, 2012, 06:23 PM

First you need to let him make his decision whether he decides to leave you, or keep you, he will come back, and maybe he is right, maybe you are being more affectionate than he is, and it scares him, you must except what happens, happens for a reason, give him his space and he will come back to you, but make sure your relation ship is BALANCED you can't love him more than he loves you, and once he comes back play a little hard to get, take my advice, I have been through a lot!

talaniman · Aug 15, 2012, 06:47 PM

You do nothing. Leave him alone and let him do this. Its only for a few days and that gives you both time and space to figure things out for yourselves.

Np038318 · Aug 16, 2012, 05:31 AM

So he called me last night, about 5 hours after this all happened and told me he doesn't want to break up. The thought of losing me is too much. However, he says I should still be on guard for awhile because he still feels the feelings as to why he wanted to break up to begin with. So how do I act? Detached?--focus on my friends, family, work, and school? Or be how I was being? Or a combination of both? Should I give him space and always let him initiate conversations, dates, texts, etc. Do I say I love you, or only say I love you too if he says it? Should I try and be more like the person I was when we first started dating (which really isn't much different than I am now), how can I handle this best? I feel like I need to heal as well because he really hurt me so how can I act that will be beneficial to us both?

talaniman · Aug 16, 2012, 07:11 AM

However, he says I should still be on guard for awhile because he still feels the feelings as to why he wanted to break up to begin with.

I would have nothing to do with him. You wouldn't either if you had not become desperate!

I feel like I need to heal as well because he really hurt me so how can I act that will be beneficial to us both?

You had your chance to heal properly, you didn't take it. Now you have him back(?), and don't know what to do with him. I would go no further without an honest conversation, and you can heal when he dumps you again.

I fail to understand how you give your heart to one that doesn't know what to do with it, or what it is you are holding so tightly too. Or how you would be so dependent on the wishy washy unreliable feelings of another.