[Naturelover]

Hey, I'm 21 year old female. Three months ago, my best friend of two years (male) stopped talking to me completely. It has really changed how I am as a person. I used to be pleasant to be around but now I'm just really quiet and all to myself. I cried every day for 2 months literally. Only the last month I have been somewhat okay. However, I am feeling a new level of down these days, I'm sure it's my best friend but I this is why I write to you all because I need guidance. Please bear with me as this may be long, but I'd like to explain what happened...

On May 13th, we were completely fine. We always cook dinner together and it was our normal routine. However, the next day he started ignoring me. I asked him for water, he denied me water. That came as a shock to me. He stopped sitting by me in class and talked to all of our friends except me. I am an oversensitive person, so this is when the first set of tears started. He would not text me back or accept my calls... so I decided to talk to him.

We had an exam coming up in a week, so I decided to wait till we were done. After we were done the exam, I went to his house and knocked on his door. (For our cases, my friend’s name is John)
“John, I really need to talk to you. Can I come in?”
“I’m tired right now”
“It’s important. Please.”
“Not now”
I was furious that he didn’t care about me. It could have been anything that I needed to talk about, I practically lived at his place at times and he didn’t even bother to let me in. Worse thing, right after I left few of our friends went to his place and he let them in.

Because I felt our friendship is worth saving, I tried again the following night. I knocked on his door, called him 6 times and left a text saying, “I’m waiting out here till you come out”. I waited for an hour outside before I called his roommate, which is also another close friend of mine. (All three of us were really close). He opened the door for me and I saw John sleeping, I know he was faking it because he is a light sleeper and I constantly banged his door and called him for an hour. I cried again that night. I decided to give it one last try, so I asked the roommate to open the door for me and he left John and I alone.
“John… have I ever been a bad friend to you?”
“No”
“Ever betrayed you?”
“No”
“Have I done something to hurt you?”
“No”
“Then why are you acting like this with me?”
“I just don’t want to talk to you anymore”
“Considering our history, I can’t just accept that answer”
“I just don’t want to talk to you”
“Does this mean you don’t want to be my friend anymore?”
“Well take it how you want, I just don’t want to talk to you”
"Ok.. forget all this, but do you not even care how much you've been hurting me? How much I've been crying?"
"I don't want to deal with this right now" He got up to leave the room, I was surprised by his insensitivity... and I got up with rage and left the room, after 5 seconds of anger.. I completely broke down. I have never in my life cried so much, I just couldn't stop for a few hours. Since then I cried every day for 2 months straight.

Our mutual friends started getting really curious and I guess kept asking him why we don't talk anymore. He started spreading lies saying "She didn't want to be my friend anymore, ever since we stopped talking... I have had the best time of my life." The first part was a lie but the second part... killed me inside. I felt like an annoyance to be around, felt boring, just thought I was a horrible person to be around... for someone so close to say something like that.

Ever since then, all our mutual friends have decided to hang out with him... most likely because he's a male and they're all males. They don't invite me anywhere anymore. Only person who has stuck by my side is his roommate. I guess because of that, John has stopped talking to his roommate too and I know he is hurt by it. I feel guilty because if the roommate didn't stay by my side, John and him would still talk.

Recently, I've seen our mutual friends and his sister delete and block me on Facebook too. It has opened up old wounds and... I have been feeling really down again.

What should I do to get over it?

Also, why do you think he has acted this way? (I have heard the "he is in love with you" theory... but I think he would have to be really irrational to treat me this way for that reason)

To clear it up, I have not left any important details out... So all of you are as confused as I am about the situation, I haven't done anything wrong to him prior to his behaviour (I know because.. I've ran this through my head so many times)

[joypulv]

When people write here asking what someone else might be thinking, I try to read between the lines to see if the writer actually has an inkling, whether aware of it or not. But I see none here. My only shot in the dark is that he might have been giving you clues for the last 2 years that he wanted to be more than 'just friends,' whether it was love or not. It isn't easy to have a BEST friend of another gender if you are both heterosexual.

[Naturelover]

When people write here asking what someone else might be thinking, I try to read between the lines to see if the writer actually has an inkling, whether aware of it or not. But I see none here. My only shot in the dark is that he might have been giving you clues for the last 2 years that he wanted to be more than 'just friends,' whether it was love or not. It isn't easy to have a BEST friend of another gender if you are both heterosexual.

You are right. It's not fair for me though... and the way he handled the situation was unnecessary. What steps can I follow to go back to being my old self? I don't want to have this unpleasant aura around me anymore. I'm starting a new school year in September and I want to meet new people with a positive attitude.