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suddenImpact · Mar 6, 2007, 01:17 PM

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right spot... if not I apologize. I'm a bit stressed right now, and would really appreciate any help.

Years ago, I had a girlfriend... we split up, and a few months later she called me saying she was pregnant, with how far along she was, we knew there was no possible chance that the kid was mine. The guy she was with had left her, and she had no where to go. Being a stupid kind person, I took her back. I was with her through the entire pregnancy, and almost the first year of the child's life. I did not sign the birth certificate, but I'm not sure who she told the hospital the father was.

Well, we ended up separating. A while later I started seeing the girl I'm with now, we have been together for 3 years, and now have our own child on the way (just found out yesterday it's a girl! ) Today at work, my boss tells me that she got papers from the court wanting to know my income, and insurance information, and it said it was in regards to my X and I. I called the courts to see what was going on. They told me that she was filing for state help, and that they automatically go after the father. I told them that I'm not the father. They said I'd be getting papers in the mail soon, and I'd have to call back and tell them that again, and that I want to have a DNA test done. She said that it was going to be the start of a very long paternity case.

The girl I'm with now, is stressing out majorly (along with me), and especially with her being pregnant, I know she don't need the extra stress.

If anyone has any legal advice on what I should do, or what I can do to speed this all up, so I can get her out of my life, I would greatly appreciate it.

heather83 · Mar 6, 2007, 01:27 PM

Take the paternity test. If it's not your's... she'll just be out of luck and will be stuck having to try and find some other guy. Don't try to stress out about it too much-it happens all the time. Some girls actually "daddy shop". It's a sad reality, but it happens. The paternity case shouldn't take that long-it sounds like she's just desperate and trying to get whatever she can out of you. But once the test comes back negative-your done and you can move on. She'll have to foot the bill for the test though-and that can be kind of expensive-so she may want to think about it.

jonjons1girl · Mar 6, 2007, 01:28 PM

I would get a lawyer first, then I would see if he/she thought it would be a good Idea to ask the ex for a paternity test before you have to wait on the state. Paternity tests don't take long. But they are a little pricey, if you want her out of you guys life faster it would be worth it for you. After the test came back you would just submit it to the court. As far as if the child is yours in the long run... I would jump at the chance of being in the child's life. It may be hard on you and the girlfriend, but that child needs you. If the child is not, then you should not hold hard feelings to the ex, the state always tries to go after the father before they give her assistance. And she might not have known it would lead to all of this. GOOD LUCK TO YOU BOTH (u and the new girl)!

ScottGem · Mar 6, 2007, 01:42 PM

I don't think it will be that long a case. Yes, as a matter of course when a mother files for state aid, they usually try and go after the father for support.

If you can afford an attorney I would get one and have them order a paternity test and head this off. If not, then respond to the court when you get the paperwork that you are not the father and demand a test be done.

I would also explain to your job what the situation is and tell them to inform you immediately if any garnishment order is submitted. Its possible the state could try an end around.

aprilj · Mar 6, 2007, 01:45 PM

That really sucks that in this day and age that a women can basically just put any man down as the father, which is exactly what your ex did. The process of getting a DNA test is a lot cheaper than paying for child support for the child for the next 14 years. Get your papers, call back, if you have any information of the true fathers name and where abouts, make sure to give that information to them, but get the paternity test. Easier and cheaper in the long run. Don't stress your current pregnant girlfriend out. The sooner you get this taken care of the better it is for all involved.

RubyPitbull · Mar 6, 2007, 02:38 PM

SuddenImpact, if you can't afford a lawyer, can you tell us what state you and the ex are in? We might be able to find a link to a government web site that will help get you pointed in the right direction.

suddenImpact · Mar 7, 2007, 05:44 AM

First off, thank you for all of your help!

I called the courts back yesterday to make sure they had my correct address, because I'm in the process of moving. They told me that I would probably get the papers in the mail in 4-6 weeks at the earliest, and that's when I can say I want the DNA test. They also told me they can see she has already gone through this once with one other guy, who turned out not to be the father (makes me sick knowing I was with a girl like that) I asked them if they thought I should get a lawyer, and she said if I wanted to, obviously it was my decision, but it would not help speed things up that much. I don't know if they just say that though to avoid the extra trouble on them though.

RubyPitbull - I have never had to hire a lawyer before, so honestly I don't know if I could afford it. I have no idea how much they cost. If it would actually speed things up, I could come up with a few hundred for it - And I live in Michigan, if you could find something, I would greatly appreciate it.

RubyPitbull · Mar 7, 2007, 07:13 AM

I have found a few links but what I am turning up shows me that this can be a lot more complicated in Michigan. I would suggest you start with the Department of Human Services. I am assuming that is where she started. The person you spoke with is only doing their job and is not in a position to advise you. DHS will help either party in these situations and you should start with the phone number that is at the bottom of the link:

DHS - Establishing Paternity

If this doesn't get you anywhere, I would contact the State Attorney General's office. Call them and ask for help. Tell them your story and that you were told by whatever person you spoke with that she has tried this before. It sounds like you managed to convince the person you spoke with that you are telling the truth. You might have the same luck here. If you can find an advocate from this office, they might step in and force the paternity test before this goes any further. The main goal is to catch this before you have to spend any money defending yourself and your check is garnished and have to sue to get the money returned. If she is wasting government time and money, they will not be happy and may agree to prosecute her for fraudulent filing.

AG - Attorney General

If you don't anywhere with these two agencies, you will probably need an attorney as the others have suggested above. It gets very complicated and dicey in Michigan. Ask the person in the Attorney General's office if they have a listing of lawyers that handle paternity cases.

The other thought I had was why don't you call her? Tell her that you were contacted, that she knows you are not the father. Tell her you intend, with your lawyer, on working with the State Attorney General's office to sue her for fraud. Tell her that if she pulls the paperwork and drops the whole thing now, you will back off. But, make it clear to her that if she pursues this, that if she thinks she is having money problems now, just wait. Once it comes to light that you are not the father, you will sue her for fraud, all your legal expenses, mental anguish and cruelty, and anything else that your attorney can think up. Tell her since she is doing this, you are not going to sit on your butt. You will defend this until the end of time and your attorney is a shark. He will gladly go after her and make her life miserable. What do you have to lose to call her bluff? Don't threaten her in any way except with a lawsuit. You need to scare her into doing the right thing before this costs you any money.

Come back to the site and let us know the outcome. I hope this all helps and in the end, it all works out for you.

suddenImpact · Mar 7, 2007, 07:28 AM

I don't have her number, address or any way to contact her. It has been at least 3 years since I've seen or heard from her. I'll try to give those to agency's a call. Honestly, even if I did end up paying court fees or anything, when it comes back saying the child is not mine, I'm not going to sue her at all... as much as I would love to, I would rather just get her out of my life. I don't want to keep going back to court for the next few years trying to get her to pay me money that she will never have.

Thank you for all of your help!

RubyPitbull · Mar 7, 2007, 07:33 AM

Hi S.I. I understand that you want to get her out of your life. I am not saying you have to sue her. I was suggesting you threaten her with it to get her to back off. But, if you have no way of contacting her or finding out where she is, I guess it won't work.

Good Luck honey! :)