[sarah86]

So I was with a guy for 6 months , my whole family loved him , his whole family loved me.. however in the beginning it was so good we did everything together he was like my best friend. It went sour he became a different person over night he became a very mean person. He didn't want to do anything that I wanted to do he wouldn't even compromise etc. and when he did drive me to work he ed and complianed about he was involved in legal activity witch I knew about and still stuck by him we went to mexico together not to long ago and when we got back he came to my house droped of my stuff with no warning and didn't contact me for a month, then he finally does contact me and refer to me as a booty call, and saying some rude stuff , the I told him to F off! The next day he messages me saying he is sorry and wants to talk so I agreed. Then he makes excuses why he can't talk to me , he is embarrassed etc. plus when we were in mexico he told everyone on the resort he was going to marry me so everyone was congratulating me and when I asked him about he said no he wouldn't marry someone like me.
He has said he is going to aa meetings because of me and he wants to get himself better however Im not sure I believe him, then he tells me he wants to be friends how can you be friends with no contact
I am so confused and I don't know what to think or feel anymore
Does anyone have answers as to what happened and why I am struggling to have some sort of closure and why he would do that to me ?

[C0bra_M3nace]

Are you serious? You want him to realize what he lost? The stop talking to him. Leave him alone and let him move on with his life.

Breaking up is not about making the other person feel like crap, it's about taking another step forward and helping yourself. You'll find someone better, and so will he and he will be the last thing on your mind, and vice versa.

[joypulv]

You can never ever ever 'make' anyone 'realize' anything.
If he won't tell you why he's acting this way, then you have to find closure another way.
I don't even like the word closure. You never close any books in life, you incorporate them into a new you and move on to a new one.

[adam_89]

The best thing you can do here is stop talking to him completely. This will probably make him think about it constantly and then realize, but if you are smart, you will not pick up on the contact again or start seeing him. I think it is time for you to move on from this one.

[sarah86]

Thank you everyone for the answers! However I have another question was it wrong for me to reach out to his sister and tell her everything that happened? Including the illegal stuff that he has been doing, do you think she will even think its true and do you think it will help be a better person?

[adam_89]

If you think it would be for the better of him, then I don't see a problem with it. Some would say it isn't your place to do so, but sometimes people need help and others have to do what is necessary to get them help.

[joypulv]

Depends what it was...

[rockie100]

You will find closure when you realize it wasn't your fault. This takes time. Spend it doing things you like to do. Hang out with friends. Be glad it was a half a year instead of a whole year. Every time it creeps into your mind. Say NO! I deserve better!

[here2assist]

He sounds seriously unstable. Do you really want to deal with a guy that blows hot and cold? I think that is one of the worst traits someone can possess... the jekyll and hyde syndrome. There's actually books on the topic. I had a friend and a boyfriend once that carried on this way and it leaves you in a state of fear, confusion, despair, frustration and self-doubt. It's toxic and has nothing to do with you. These people tend to have really wonderful, intoxicating qualities that draw you in until the dark side emerges. I guarantee he will act that way toward everyone he comes across. Consider this a big blessing not in disguise and seek out people that are consistent, reliable and emotionally stable.

[sarah86]

Thank you again... ( here to asist)" I think you are right! its just so confusing because its like he is two different people. He always came over and was the nicest guy in front of my family couldnt sit down always wanted to help. Always polite etc. But when we were alone it was like he hated me and all her wanted to do was argue with me. He even convinced my best freind that he was a sweet guy until we all went out one night and He decided that he was going the make a scene and walk out on us and leave us with his bill and no way home! But the next day he came over and apoligized to both of us. Appparently she had a conversation with him after the fact and he told her that He was planning on purposing to me he also told my mother the same thing but then walked out of my life completley threw my stuff at me and got in his car and drove off! I was left hurt and confused I just dont get how someone could do that to a person they say they love and want to marry...to answer the question about the illegal activity he was selling drugs from his basement apartment as well i suspect he was doing them. I am a nurse starting my career I cannot afford to loose my career because of him putting me in a bad situation never mind the fact that if i stayed over he would sometimes leave me there while he went to work... anything could of happened im sure he had enemies and they could of beaten or killed me or I could have faced jail for something I didnt do! also the txt messages were to the point of demeaning I mean booty call" I want to stick it up your " how can someone be so hurtful and why would they want to hurt someone that was so good to them.

[here2assist]

Thank you agian...( here to asist)" I think you are right! its just so confusing because its like he is two different people. He always came over and was the nicest guy in front of my family couldnt sit down always wanted to help. Always polite etc. But when we were alone it was like he hated me and all her wanted to do was argue with me. He even convinced my best freind that he was a sweet guy until we all went out one night and He decided that he was going the make a scene and walk out on us and leave us with his bill and no way home! But the next day he came over and apoligized to both of us. Appparently she had a conversation with him after the fact and he told her that He was planning on purposing to me he also told my mother the same thing but then walked out of my life completley threw my stuff at me and got in his car and drove off! I was left hurt and confused I just dont get how someone could do that to a person they say they love and want to marry...to answer the question about the illegal activity he was selling drugs from his basement apartment as well i suspect he was doing them. I am a nurse starting my career I cannot afford to loose my career because of him putting me in a bad situation never mind the fact that if i stayed over he would sometimes leave me there while he went to work... anything could of happened im sure he had enemies and they could of beaten or killed me or I could have faced jail for something I didnt do! also the txt messages were to the point of demeaning I mean booty call" I want to stick it up your " how can someone be so hurtful and why would they want to hurt someone that was so good to them.

It's not intentional. He's just messed up. You're not dealing with a full deck of cards here. Plus, addicts tend to be extremely moody, irrational, selfish and narcissistic. Everything you're describing here is very similar to what I experienced with someone in my life minus the drugs and alcohol part. Their behavior is totally erratic and unpredictable. These folks will get verbally abusive and then physically abusive. It's a horrible, ugly situation that will seriously mess with your self-esteem and well-being. You've got a wonderful career ahead of you. Look at this as a learning experience and drop this guy now. He'll repeat the same patterns and mistakes with the next one and end up alone while you'll be blissfully happy with a healthy, steady man.

[sarah86]

How do I move on from him? I only moved to woodbridge not to long ago like 6 months ago and I don't know anyone?do you think this is mabye why I am having a hard time moving on. If so where do I meet people ( decent people) friends and mature men?

[mmresd]

Just go no contact and move on... he will realize what he lost naturally, and if he doesn't who cares? He is out of your life.

[here2assist]

That's always tough moving to a new location where you don't know anyone but that also opens the door to an entirely new world. Chances are you'll meet people in your workplace. I joined a few meetup groups. They have thousands of different groups for professionals, enthusiasts, people looking to enjoy their hobbies with others, networking and simply socializing. I'm a member of a few and have met many interesting people. I also made friends through dance classes. Join a gym perhaps. Get a library membership. One of my friends joined a singles kickball league and met a great guy. I'm actually going to sign up for one in the fall. You can always try match.com to open your dating world.

Moving on just takes time and is really difficult but absolutely attainable. My last relationship was the most difficult to get over and I'm still recovering but feeling much happier. I did find that no contact, social activity and anything to keep me busy really helped take my mind off the situation. Also, this is so cliché but it keeps you in perspective... make a list of all the negatives about him and the relationship. I did and to my amazement I was able to identify at least 50 negatives. You have to stay in the mindset that this time is all about doing things that make you happy. Don't worry about whether he feels he lost out. It's totally irrelevant now because in your heart you know he did and you'll never know what's going on in his head.