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heartbroken24 · Aug 2, 2012, 02:12 PM

I broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago because I was fed up with his not answering my calls sometimes. 2 days ago I go see him so we can talk about our issues being that our anniversary night the Sunday before I texted him "this is why I broken up with you last week" reminding him to stop because I’m fed up not telling "we are still broken up". We had made plans for that night which didn’t go through because we were arguing. So I go see him and I ask him has he been with someone else because I had a gut feeling. He lives 2 hours away. I barely see him. We are both very busy.

Our relationship lives off the phone mainly. He tells me "whatever I done the past few weeks doesn’t matter you broke up with me remember? So I don’t have to tell you but yes I found comfort in someone else" is he serious? We talk everyday. He sends me love songs. To my understanding we were only broken up those 2 days that we didn’t talk. Every day we talk about being better and working our issues except when he acts stubborn and ignores my call when I get all emotional which I acknowledge can get crazy and it’s my fault I’m trying to change that.

But he can’t be serious it’s not right. Like how can you go and be so quick to have sex with someone else when you're in the working things out process, on the day of your anniversary that you have another fight as usual? I have been waiting to be with him since I last saw him which was 6 weeks ago and he goes and gives away what’s supposed to be mine. That’s not fair. Hes using that as an excuse right? It’s cheating. It’s not rebound sex. We are always together.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 2, 2012, 02:51 PM

First the rules are clear, you are not suppose to use text writing, you are required to use real words and full sentences. Your post is almost impossible to actually read.

In general, it does not sound like a good relationship, if you broke up over silly reason most likely he did not feel any reason. Is it cheating, no, you were brokeup, is it rebound? No, I doubt he was terriblly upset on the break up

heartbroken24 · Aug 2, 2012, 03:55 PM

It obviously wasn't THAT impossible to read since you answered my POST WHICH HAS "no real words"LOL .Thanks for your insight doesn't help at all.No one on here follows those rules.My writing on here is actually better than most

maddy6 · Aug 2, 2012, 04:23 PM

Heartbroken, He did cheat on you. It was a lover's spat, not a full break up if you were still communicating. I agree with Fr Chuck that the relationship does not sound good to start with. Surely you can do much better than someone who treats you so callously and poorly. Also, even if you were broken up, it didn't take him long to pursue a physical relationship with someone else. *I am not meaning to be harsh*... but you need to get some self respect and not have a relationship with someone who treats you so poorly. I would also be concerned about disease if he so easily sleeps around.

heartbroken24 · Aug 2, 2012, 04:46 PM

Your right... I just don't see how he can tell me "u shoukdnt have broken up with me ".. he doesn't see anything wrong in this

maddy6 · Aug 2, 2012, 04:51 PM

That is his phony defense he is using to blame you. Don't fall for it. You are emotionally attached and invested in the relationship. He obviously isn't. He says that because he is selfish and it is the only excuse he can come up with for his bad behavior. Like I said, have some self respect and don't allow anyone to treat you so poorly. No guy is worth that. Especially not a cheater. Hold your head up high, realize your value and that you are deserving to be loved. Not cheated on and used. Drop this poor excuse of a man, you could be passing by a decent one while you are worried about this one.

Heartbroken, stop and analyze why you ate accepting of being treated this way. If there are things about yourself that are causing you to not feel worthy and valuable, then figure out what they are. Set a plan in motion to make changes. Work on making *you* happy. That self confidence will show through and will be attractive to others. You may then find you are attractive to men of a higher quality than the deadbeat you describe. Don't sell yourself short. Take care of yourself. He cannot use you unless YOU let him.

heartbroken24 · Aug 3, 2012, 08:41 AM

Thanks so much !its really helped me get past these 24hrs without calling him.Knowing how other people outside my box see things helps my confusion.I am fully invested in this more than him and that's obviously not good.He text me yesterday "we arent back together because right now i dont want to discuss our issues we have alot to work on before we do" is he serious? Im suppose to sit here and wait while you sleep around ?so now we ARE broken up now HE made it clear.I think he's really just using this time to sleep around.Thats not fair to me.Ive been single for 4yrs and celibate.. been with him 1yr.Hes suppose to be the one.I haven't had sex with anyone but him and that was 6wks ago.Im a weirdo I can't just go having sex with anyone or rebound.When I love I love.I wish I could make him realize he's wrong but he obviously knows this.

talaniman · Aug 3, 2012, 02:38 PM

He was cheating already, and you are well to be rid of him.

Originally Posted by heartbroken24

It obviously wasnt THAT impossible to read since you answered my POST WHICH HAS "no real words"LOL .Thanks for your insight doesnt help at all.No one on here follows those rules.My writting on here is actually better than most

The ones who don't follow the rules run the risk of being deleted. Your original post was edited because it was impossible to understand. That was a courtesy, and should be returned in kind by at least trying to be understood.

Cat1864 · Aug 3, 2012, 03:29 PM

I broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago because I was fed up with his not answering my calls sometimes. 2 days ago I go see him so we can talk about our issues being that our anniversary night the Sunday before I texted him "this is why I broken up with you last week" reminding him to stop because I’m fed up not telling "we are still broken up". We had made plans for that night which didn’t go through because we were arguing. So I go see him and I ask him has he been with someone else because I had a gut feeling. He lives 2 hours away. I barely see him. We are both very busy.

Our relationship lives off the phone mainly. He tells me "whatever I done the past few weeks doesn’t matter you broke up with me remember? So I don’t have to tell you but yes I found comfort in someone else" is he serious? We talk everyday. He sends me love songs. To my understanding we were only broken up those 2 days that we didn’t talk. Every day we talk about being better and working our issues except when he acts stubborn and ignores my call when I get all emotional which I acknowledge can get crazy and it’s my fault I’m trying to change that.

But he can’t be serious it’s not right. Like how can you go and be so quick to have sex with someone else when you're in the working things out process, on the day of your anniversary that you have another fight as usual? I have been waiting to be with him since I last saw him which was 6 weeks ago and he goes and gives away what’s supposed to be mine. That’s not fair. Hes using that as an excuse right? It’s cheating. It’s not rebound sex. We are always together.

You are probably not going to like this, but please think about what I am saying (remember that this based off of your post, if something in your original post needs clarifying, please explain.)

It doesn't matter if it is rebounding or not. He didn't cheat on you because you let him go and you didn't 'officially' get back together with him. You made an incorrect assumption based on what you wanted instead of fully communicating with him and working things out. I don't think he was very clear either and that seems to be the basis of your problems as a couple. Lack of proper communications skills and time seem to have been the excuse for you allowing your emotions to get out of hand. In effect, you may have been pushing him away when you wanted to hold him closer. Why would he want to contact you if you are going to get upset with him? Ever heard of trying to hug a porcupine?

How reasonable were your expectations for communicating? Did you expect him to drop everything and text/call you back or did you expect to go a day or two between conversations as life, work, etc. dictated the schedule?

When he was contacting you, didn't you also say that you kept 'telling him to stop because you were still fed up... ' (that was what I got from what you said.)You may not have kept saying over and over that you weren't still broken up, but you didn't get back together with him either.

It sounds like you got upset and expected him to come running. When he did, you started playing games. He took the hint.

Take some time and work on keeping your emotions under control. Stop allowing yourself to act up and then expect others (him) to let it go and act like everything is okay. Long distance relationships with limited time together may not be the best type for you. This may be a part of learning what you can and can't handle in a relationship.

Remember that you cannot control another person. But you can control yourself. Work on gaining that control without worrying about someone else. I think you will be much happier and better off if you do.

heartbroken24 · Aug 3, 2012, 03:42 PM

Thank you!I can honestly say your right at a few things.Appreciate your response.

We did get back together officially 2days after he called and said sorry for ignorin my calls and running away from our problems and I said sorry for my emotional outbreak.Than we had an argument because he did it again and that's when I said to him"this is why i broke up with you last monday ".we made up the day after as well.The communication faded that's when I had suspected he was already cheating and he goes and tells me this.But with this excuse.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 3, 2012, 04:34 PM

Goodness, I hope you guys are truly done now. This back and forth is a sure sign the relationship is not a healthy one.

mmresd · Aug 3, 2012, 04:38 PM

If you broke up with him, then that is a clear sign of your are not willing to try to make things work. Whether he did something or not is none of your business, YOU decided that you no longer wanted to be together, so why keep pushing the issue. Next time, if you don't want it to happen, actually work together at fixing the issue, instead of running away from the problem. If you are not together even for a couple hours, and something happens, it is definitely not cheating, especially if the one that did it was on the receiving end of the break up. You made a choice, choices have consequences, lesson learned. Next time, don't try to teach someone you care about a lesson by theatening the relationship, we will simply move on to someone who actually does want to be with us, not as big of a deal as you may think.