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karan82 · Mar 5, 2007, 05:30 AM

This is so hard.

My ex boy friend was my first boy friend. We were together for three years and were even due to get married. From the first day we had met there was some kind of 'instant connection' and i knew we were meant to be together. We were both each others first sexual partners, so in actual fact, shared alot of 'first' experiences together.

He owns his own business, and the pressure of it had been getting him down. He is a very ambitious person, and wants to be very successful in life. Ive always tried to be supportive of that, but for the past year he had changed, put the business first and i felt as though i was compteting for his attention.

We didnt live together, in actual fact, lived 3 hours apart, but some how, managed to make it work by seeing each other every other week and speaking on the phone. He stopped calling me for days on end, and said that he was just really busy and always tiered. I was getting more and more annoyed as he wouldnt call or text for upto 5 days...i ended it with him (november 2006), he begged for me to come back and i did. I initially ended it as i wanted him to realise that he can't treat me like that. A month later (in december 2006) he did the same thing. No phone call for 6 days. I sent quite an abusive msg and i said whats they point if you dont make the effort-he too agreed and said we 'argued' too much, he can never make me happy and he thought it was best if we ended it. I was devastated, and begged him back but he said there was no way...he wanted to be friends and that was it. I said i didnt want to be friends as that wasnt what we were before, we were suppose to get married, so how can we JUST be mates?

I found out i was pregnant in January, and he did try to support me, but i didnt let him. I aborted it. Didnt want to but felt i had no choice.

Recently, i went to a clair voienet. She told me that he regrets what he did, but he will never call me as he is a very 'proud' person and will stick to his guns, therefore if i want him back then i need to phone him.

I feel lost without him, and i really want him back. Just dont know how to do it. He told me when he broke up with me that he would never get back together with me and he would never marry me. However, do you think this was out of anger? telling me to move on? I know, in my heart of hearts that he loves me and i also know that i really can not see myself with anyone else. Ive tried, but i cant. I have not spoken to him for 6 weeks, i text him about 2 weeks ago, and asked him how he was (after seeing the clair voient) and he replied back 3 DAYS later saying he was fine and how was i? i didnt text him back. i just dont want to be taken advantage of as i feel as though ive been through alot over the past three months.

How do i win him back with some dignity?

Please help

Karan :( :confused:

moomin007 · Mar 5, 2007, 05:43 AM

Hi Karan,
I'm going to be brutal. You're better off without him.

He's told you he will never marry you? He ignores you for a week at a time? It sounds to me like he has another interest. It may well be his business that is taking all his time but there is no excuse for ignoring someone - especially if you were in a relationship at the time.
I think your head is in a mixed up place just now, especially if you've had a termination.
Get some help, speak to a friend/dr/pastor. They could help you talk through the issues you have to deal with.

Don't call this guy, start No Contact. Move on with your own life.

He obviously has.
I wish you well
Moomin

rol · Mar 5, 2007, 05:43 AM

Give him and yourself time and space... and rebuild yourselves.
You both need to change a lot.
Even if you get back together now, what has changed?

<<A month later (in December 2006) he did the same thing. No phone call for 6 days. I sent quite an abusive message and I said what's they point if you don't make the effort-he too agreed and said we 'argued' too much, he can never make me happy and he thought it was best if we ended it.>>

Abusive messages don't work,
Work on your communication skills.
He's busy with work also so get busy finding a new life for yourself.Get new friends , activities etc.

You send the last text so now leave it up to him and meanwhile work on yourself.

valinors_sorrow · Mar 5, 2007, 05:50 AM

Karen, let me speak frankly here -- I think the psychic did you a disservice. I look a lot at how the world works and its really not in your favor for getting back together. If you do, you will get more of the same without there having been some significant change taking place in him and in you both. Can you see that at all?

You can feel free to text message him an invitation to talk and he can only take it or refuse it but be mindful that you are rehashing old ground that came to a poor conclusion before. Without something to point to that says, "oh but this time will be different because ..." -- it won't be different. He'll still be obsessed with his business and you'll still feel like second place. You aren't recognizing that you both had lots of opportunity to work that out back there, you really did. And you didn't work it out. That is a fact that I think needs to be respected in whatever course of action you take.

You can ask for him back but if you both don't understand and become willing to immediately deal with that which broke you up and negotiate it to some successful conclusion (for the first time) then you will only break up again and add to the hurt.

I am sorry for your loss.

talaniman · Mar 5, 2007, 06:29 AM

It doesn't take a psychic or a mind reader to know that you two have separate agendas and ideas and no communications between you. This creates conflict and not unity. Without the ability to talk, and listen, and compromise to work together, there can be no happy relationship, or marriage.

karan82 · Mar 5, 2007, 09:56 AM

Thank you guys.

I understand your views but I really WANT HIM BACK. I really want ti know the BEST way to do it. I love him and want to support him, I really knows he loves me too but is too proud to admit it. I just want to know HOW IS THE BEST WAY? Should I call?

rol · Mar 5, 2007, 09:59 AM

Go back and read all the advice.

You CANNOT make him come back, he needs to decide himself to come back!! Leave it up to him now and get on with your life, so that if he does come back that history will not repeat itself again.

alizeblu · Mar 5, 2007, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by rol

Go back and read all the advice.

You CANNOT make him come back, he needs to decide himself to come back!!! Leave it up to him now and get on with your life, so that if he does come back that history will not repeat itself again.

Heh its my turn again huh!

Look you want him back don't you? Well why are you listening to all these people!
If you want him back, you're going to have to learn to trust him, if he's always at the job and has no time to call you, why are you giving him a hard time!

Let him work! You should be the one to respect that he has to put more time into his job. Obviously he still wanted to be with you right? So why are you getting mad at him!

Just because he doesn't call you when YOU want him to! Common... he's a man not a puppy. Let him be. He will call you when he misses you. Which is natural, you should be super excited when he does cause he really means it. I mean he has to right?" seeing that he doesn't call you a lot!

If you want him back don't give up on him. Go to him! Let him know there were mistakes made on both parts and you're willing to do whatever it takes to get him back!

But you made my mistake. You broke up with him. He hasn't changed. Its you that's changed. Take it from me, I made the same mistake with my girl.I broke up with her a couple times and she begged for me back, and I took her, but then one day she wanted to break up with ME, then everything clicked.You should remember why you wanted a relationship with him in the 1st place before you make any moves.

There's a downside to this though... so you have to be able to expect the unexpected! He might not want you back, but don't give up! Plead with him,maybe something will click.
But trust me if its not meant to be, you'll know it. You'll see it in his eyes that he's serious about not wanting you anymore. Then... I hate to say it but, ITs probably over...

Skell · Mar 5, 2007, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by alizeblu

heh its my turn again huh!?

look you want him back dont you? well why are you listenin to all these people!?
if you want him back, youre gonna have to learn to trust him, if hes always at the job and has no time to call you, why are you giving him a hard time!

let him work! you should be the one to respect that he has to put more time into his job. Obviously he still wanted to be with you right? So why are you getting mad at him!?

Just because he doesnt call you when YOU want him to!? common... hes a man not a puppy. Let him be. He will call you when he misses you. which is natural, you should be super excited when he does cause he really means it. I mean he has to right?" seeing that he doesnt call you alot!

If you want him back dont give up on him. Go to him! Let him know there were mistakes made on both parts and youre willing to do whatever it takes to get him back!

But you made my mistake. You broke up with him. He hasnt changed. Its you thats changed. Take it from me, i made the same mistake with my girl.I broke up with her a couple times and she begged for me back, and i took her, but then one day she wanted to break up with ME, then everything clicked.You should remember why you wanted a relationship with him in the 1st place before you make any moves.

Theres a downside to this though....so you have to be able to expect the unexpected! he might not want you back, but dont give up! plead with him,maybe somthing will click.
But trust me if its not meant to be, youll know it. youll see it in his eyes that hes serious about not wanting you anymore. Then.....i hate to say it but, ITs probably over......

Your advice is way off track again.

You never make someone love you or come back to you.

This advice is the same as in other posts and I have to disagree again.

You don't win someone's love! And if you have to win it then one would have to wonder if it is really worth it!

Jiser · Mar 6, 2007, 03:26 AM

alizeblu sorry to say but you cannot win someone back.

Karen needs to move on with her life for her own benefit. Maybe one day when they both have their happy separate lives they will meet again but no one can tell what the future holds.

alizeblu · Mar 6, 2007, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by Skell

Your advice is way off track again.

You never make someone love you or come back to you.

This advice is the same as in other posts and i have to disagree again.

You dont win someones love!! And if you have to win it then one would have to wonder if it is really worth it!

No one said anything about winning!

Look why don't people get this!

Look at it in "LOVES" perspective. If you really love someone why give up!

You love the person try try again! Unless you know deep down that they do not love you anymore. Then its over!

What is sooooo hard to understand about this!

Why is everyone so negative!

rol · Mar 6, 2007, 10:23 AM

ALIZEBLU! This is not the movies!! but real life!!

karan82 · Mar 6, 2007, 10:25 AM

I just want to say thank you all for your advice. Ive been going mad over the last few months!!

Do you think it's a good idea to be friends? I've got a work conference in his area next month, do you think I should try to see him?

rol · Mar 6, 2007, 10:31 AM

No its not a good idea to be friends right now.

Work on your issues , wait 4-6 months.

diya · Mar 6, 2007, 06:13 PM

It is hard to let go of someone whom you love dearly but try to think it this way... even if you get the person back and that person has no respect or love for you left.. what will you do with that person.. what will u do with the body but no soul in it to love u... u think he loves you because you love him... it doesn't work that way in relationships and often if you let go of someone you love... and if you both were meant to be together... trust me... time will tell... Patience and Time are the only two factors you MUST always rely on.. u will see things will be better off for you too... give it a try. Don't hanker after something which seems farther away... let it take its own course of time... gotta be strong.. test yourself... take a deep breath and enjoy life

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 05:11 PM

If he really regrets like what happened and what he did... he's going to eat his pride and ask you... other than that.. it's hell dealing with someone as proud as him, you will eventually lose your self-esteem within the relationship while feeding his ego... im sorry but just have to be straight...