[zoctoberskyz]

I been looking for free online help for quite some time since I can't afford real treatment so I hope someone here can help me so I am giving it a try.
I suffer from SAD and have for a very long time. It is so severe that I was home schooled my senior year, I have no friends, and am unemployed at 20 years old. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so lost. I hate my life. I don't see the point of living anymore. I feel like a moocher for still living with my parents and having no job at 20 years old. They want me to get out there and get a job but it is so hard for me because I can't handle being in public and around people I don't know and I always come off to strangers as being weird and not all there in the head because of how I react when I am in a stressful environment. Sometimes it has gotten so bad where I have panic attacks. I cry every night because of how I let myself get. I need to get a job. I want to get a job but no one is going to want to hire someone like me and if they do I will probably get fired because of how I react when I am in stressful situations. I tend to go blank and forget how to do the simplest things. I can't even go to work at a store because I'll just up and forget how to even count money because I'm so scared I'm going to mess up. I freak out way too much and I can't help it. I also can't handle a job that involves costumers because I will totally make a fool of myself and not know what to say or how to act and I'm speaking from experience. My family doesn't understand me. They just treat me like I am weird, that this is something I just need to get over like I am this way by choice. They don't even try to understand. I can't even begin to explain how many times I've tried to communicate with them and they just treat me like if you just get out there and do it and get over your shyness you will be fine. But it is much more than that. Please anyone give me some advice or something. I feel like my life has no meaning and I wish to die everyday. To be honest I would have done committed suicide if it wasn't for my fear of hell and the emotional and financial pain it would cause my family. Someone, Anyone please help me. I'm breaking apart.

[leigh27]

First of all, if you EVER get to a place that you seriously consider or plan to harm yourself, call a suicide hotline. Every life is precious, & that includes you. You are only 20; the biggest lie you could believe now is that your life has no meaning or that you don't have anything to offer this world. You have untapped gifts & talents & your fears are getting in the way of who you really are.

Have you looked into the MHMR facility in your area? If you qualify, you could be evaluated & possibly treated; they have counselors as well. If that isn't an option, then ask your family dr. for help. Don't just blow off these suggestions - DO something. Seek health, or choose to stay miserable (& I don't think that's what you want!)

Go to your local library or bookstore & find books that deal with these very issues; there's plenty of them out there. If there's a Celebrate Recovery group in your area, it's a great resource & you will find good, loving people there that have hurts, hang-ups, & habits just like all the rest of us. I am praying for you to start on a healthy path; God bless you :)

[zoctoberskyz]

Thank you for your advice. It means a lot to me that someone actually took the time out of their day to help me. I talked to my mom about it just today and she is letting me go to the doctor first thing. I'm finally taking the first step. Hopefully I will have a better life in no time. Thank you for your help. :)

[leigh27]

This just made my day! I am so thankful & will continue to lift you in prayer. Blessings :)