[canadien]

Ok so here it begins, I come from south indian familly, currently living with my brother and parents and I expect to graduate from university in six months.

I have been living in Canada since I was 14 years old, but unlike normal Canadian kids, I never went out to any party or club of any sort, which also means I never learned to drink alcohole or smoke cigarette.


I have never visted club, so it gets even harder to even try out girls in terms of just chatting with them, and in school environment I find it almost impossible to go to more romantic topics.


And to the main point I was never really interested or drooling over girls just until recently, I had never tried to approach or talk to girls neither in High school nor College, And it was the same story in university too, but something changed around 1 year ago, and now I see girls all over the place, and I see they see me too, but I have this big fear that how can I act in romantic or intimate fashion when I never learned how to act that way.

Another problem I have is I usually lose contact of old friends after some time, I keep my social life active through familly but I keep losing old friends, is that normal? What would you guys recommend, is this wrong, or is having social life through familly enough, I have some cousins that I constantly keep contact with so its only the school friends that I keep losing.

I am trying to face my fears and trying to talk to girls as much as possible. I know becoming romantic is little bit out of my reach so many times I find different context to just make chat with girls for other topics, I even joined conversation groups both in French and english just to get a chance to talk to strangers, is that OK, or am I wasting my time?

Now back to the big change, it started the day I realized it was OK to make an eye contact, because its actually not OK to make eye contact at people according to my south-indian culture and that's how I was living for as long as I can remember, but after changing my mindset, I am now more open to eye contact although it is taking some practice, but since I started making eye contact it is changed the whole perception and how I look at people, and how I communicate with them.

So now ultimate question: Is it too late to change? Do I have time to make thigs for better, in terms of my social life?

To show you guys the sense of urgency, I have talked to more strangers in last 1 year then last 9 years living in Canada, I have tried to join as many recreational or other activity groups to acquaint myself with as many people as I can.

Am I just overreacting? Is it better if I take things as they come? Should I slow down my pace?

I am trying to be active as much as possible as I am not very fond of going to India for arrange marriage, which will probably happen in next four years, even though I'll get a chane to pick a girl, I still got to learn how all this dating scene works, as I want to experience everything a life has to offer and I really don't want to live life through regrets of missings out on many crucial life experiences.


I have other things to but for now feedback on what I've said will be greatly appreciated!

[Fr_Chuck]

First of course you have to understand that people of all cultures are different, Next sorry but NORMAL kids don't party, club and drink and smoke, so if this is the people you believe are normal, you perhaps need to find out what most kids really do

And don't believe what a lot of the "girls" talk, Most of the kids are going to college, studying hard and if any at all, go out to those places a few times because they feel (required) to go by culture

And you are also confusing romance with going out getting drunk and having sex. You may find better romance at the grocrey store or at church for someone who would be a much better catch.

And yes your life style is more NORMAL than those you feel you want to be like. And sadly yes often as we change school, classes we lose contact with a lot of old friends, and have to keep making new ones

And romance is only as far out of reach as you make it, you can find someone to date anywhere, a bar or club is normally the worst place

It is never to late to change

Yep, over reacting because of unrealistic beliefs of what "everyone else" is doing.

While not a fan of arranged marriage, often they do work, how and why I don't know

[chuff]

I have been living in Canada since I was 14 years old, but unlike normal Canadian kids, I never went out to any party or club of any sort, which also means I never learned to drink alcohole or smoke cigarette.

I have never visted club, so it gets even harder to even try out girls in terms of just chatting with them, and in school environment I find it almost impossible to go to more romantic topics.

Well I’ve worked in clubs, bars and now resorts since I was 16 and from my side of the fence let me say your not missing much. You can make great money working in these environments but it’s at the expense of the customers which means the customers usually overspend. What’s worse then all the money is the life that many, not all, but many people waste away at the bar. I do drink but very, very, rarely and I actually think when I started bouncing at 16(which is illegal in the US) was good for me in once respect. I got to see how stupid people became when they drank and I determined that I would not live that life. You should be happy you don’t get caught up in it.

And to the main point I was never really interested or drooling over girls just until recently, I had never tried to approach or talk to girls neither in High school nor College, And it was the same story in university too, but something changed around 1 year ago, and now I see girls all over the place, and I see they see me too, but I have this big fear that how can I act in romantic or intimate fashion when I never learned how to act that way.

You should read some of the posts here in the dating and relationship sections. You don’t have to comment (unless you want to) but there is a wealth of ideas and knowledge that you can use to build up your confidence and conversation skills.

Another problem I have is I usually lose contact of old friends after some time, I keep my social life active through familly but I keep losing old friends, is that normal? what would you guys reccomend, is this wrong, or is having social life through familly enough, I have some cousins that I constantly keep contact with so its only the school friends that I keep losing.

I think that’s normal. I’ve had friends that were friends for years but then things in life happened and they or I moved on or changed. I think that’s normal.

I am trying to face my fears and trying to talk to girls as much as possible. I know becoming romantic is little bit out of my reach so many times I find different context to just make chat with girls for other topics, I even joined conversation groups both in French and english just to get a chance to talk to strangers, is that ok, or am I wasting my time?

Well talking to the French is always a waste of time.

JUST KIDDING. It was a joke folks no hate mail.

Actually that is a great idea and it gets you in a group setting as well.

Now back to the big change, it started the day I realized it was ok to make an eye contact, because its actually not ok to make eye contact at people according to my south-indian culture and thats how I was living for as long as I can remember, but after changing my mindset, I am now more open to eye contact although it is taking some practice, but since I started making eye contact it is changed the whole perception and how I look at people, and how I communicate with them.

so now ultimate question: Is it too late to change? Do I have time to make thigs for better, in terms of my social life?

I’m just learning things now at 30 that some 20 years old know. But there are people who live there whole life and don’t have a good social life. So it’s never to late to change.

To show you guys the sense of urgency, I have talked to more strangers in last 1 year then last 9 years living in Canada, I have tried to join as many recreational or other activity groups to acquaint myself with as many people as I can.

Am I just overreacting? is it better if I take things as they come? Should I slow down my pace?

Well I it’s both overreacting and you should go at your own pace. This isn’t a life or death struggle so relax and have fun with it. Don’t push yourself to have the perfect conversation with everyone because then you will come off as to forward or to pushy. Just relax and enjoy getting to meet people and enjoy getting to know yourself.

I am trying to be active as much as possible as I am not very fond of going to India for arrange marriage, which will probably happen in next four years, even though I'll get a chane to pick a girl, I still gotta learn how all this dating scene works, as I want to experience everything a life has to offer and I really don't want to live life through regrets of missings out on many crucial life experiences.


I have other things to but for now feedback on what I've said will be greatly appreciated!!

I think your doing all right just don’t get so focused on the future that you forget to enjoy the present.

[JoeCanada76]

Chuff, now the emails are coming. Insulting the french. Not a good deal. Just kidding, your trying to save face now. Hmmm. It did not work. What is wrong with the french. Lol lol lol

Just kidding, I do not care. I have french background but I still hear the sounds of frogs.

Joe