[alizeblu]

You said you didn't know about having a "picker"-- we all have one. That you didn't realise you do means there is a possibility you don't know other things about you (or people in general). Learn more about this topic and relationships (of all kinds) will become much easier, I promise. There are quite a few people here who know a great deal about how people operate and you are certainly welcome to learn from them.

I agree with Skell. It seems you take two steps forward (which is good) but you may also take three steps back (which would not be good). There is no need to be defensive. A reasonable part of exploring solutions to any problems is looking at how someone is thinking, feeling and behaving.

Maybe drop that "yeah but" response style? I was told once that everything after that kind of "but" is bull. When I stopped and looked at it objectively (once I got past my initial hrrrmph LOL) they were right! It stopped then and there-- opened up new vistas of learning for me. Could do the same for you. Just a thought meant to be helpful.

"yea" and "but" are words. My perspective on things, more complicated than mere words.


Sigh... I used to look at the glass half full, until I found out that it's the same from both angles. Now look at it half empty.

I came to the conclusion half full or half empty, the glass still has liquid in it, up to the half way point.

Now pick up the glass and pour the liquid out, now something different happened.
I sit the glass down and its completley empty,

So wait a minute wasn't it empty to begin with?

I rest my case.

Does anyone's agree with me yet? Lol
Or am I still an immature idiot who knows nothing about love or how people work?

This is why I think I should leave love alone. No matter what way you look at it, the same thing is going to happen whether we like it or not.

Good Relationship<-->Problems<-->Make or Break<-->Solution
The solution depends on the persons perspective and veiws about the relationship.
So why go through all the hassle? When I could be sitting on the beach with an umbrella drink watching the sunset, glad because I have no relationship worries.

[Skell]

Good luck then and good bye...

[Skell]

Just by any chance is that blu in your name significant to you in any way??

[valinors_sorrow]

"yea" and "but" are words. my perspective on things, more complicated than mere words.

I can appreciate a complicated perspective, LOL -- I probably have one myself. :o

does anyones agree with me yet? lol
or am i still an immature idiot who knows nothing about love or how people work?

And for the record I do not think you are an idiot, in fact I have not thought someone was an idiot for a very long time now. I have seen them do things that don't work for themselves and then complain about the result they got and that seems a little sad to me. I have also seen them debate to the point that they lose the point and that is usually my exit cue. :rolleyes:

i could be sitting on the beach with an umbrella drink watching the sunset, glad because i have no relationship worries.

I am glad you have found your solution.

[alizeblu]

Just by any chance is that blu in your name significant to you in any way????

No just a name. My fave drink though. Alize Bleu. Good stuff.

[alizeblu]

I can appreciate a complicated perspective, LOL -- I probably have one myself. :o


And for the record I do not think you are an idiot, in fact I have not thought someone was an idiot for a very long time now. I have seen them do things that don't work for themselves and then complain about the result they got and that seems a little sad to me. I have also seen them debate to the point that they lose the point and that is usually my exit cue. :rolleyes:


I am glad you have found your solution.

are you implying I lost the main idea of which I was trying to debate about?

well in that case I guess I should sum everything up and end my chaos.

well its like this, a couple weeks ago I had a g/f, loved her till death, my mistake? Putting too much love into something. Because when I lost it, I had a problem with excepting the fact that it was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. She just gave up on me, just like that... clouded by my love for the girl, I never really saw through her, I never saw that slowly she was falling out of love with me, so much that she was cheating on me the whole time. Hm... so to cover that up she calls for this "break" which was a sham to make me think that it all happened over the break when in reality she was cheating on me the whole time.

never saw that commin. So I wanted her back and I did everything I could but even my best just... wasnt enough. She's finally given up. And who's to blame? I guess both of us, seeing that the relationship was on the path to destruction to begin with.

and the whole moral of the story? Bottom line, @#$% happens... live with it, learn from it, move on.

to tell you the truth I was so blinded I honestly thought I could get her back... but that's the kind of stuff movies are made of.

I've learnded a valuable lesson here, I've also learned to change and adapt myself to avoid future love breakdown situations.

[alizeblu]

I'm just posting this as a question.

Why is this so confusing? I mean, when I actually wanted to get her back, people were telling me ways to forget about her and move on,basically just give up. But when I don't want her back and also don't want to get into future relationships, people tell me not to give up because someone's out there for me, but then they say that you probably won't find her so soon because you are young and you have a lot more mistakes to make, I just don't get why people continue to hurt themselves.
Its like you know the coals are hott, why touch them again?

Back and fourth and back and fourth...

Maybe I just need a shrink. Lol

[Jiser]

It's a confusing time. If you cling on something it will pull away. So best thing is to get soemone who is worse than u ;] take it easy x

[talaniman]

You are not the only one to have gone through this, believe it or not and everyone who has done the same as you, is hurt and confused, but we all survive and learn from it and move on. As you get it together and get healthy, you will see that you will make better decisions, and handle your feelings and emotions better. We all know how you feel, now just relax and let time and a little hard work heal you.

[chuff]

im just posting this as a question.

why is this so confusing? i mean, when i actually wanted to get her back, people were telling me ways to forget about her and move on,basically just give up. but when i dont want her back and also dont want to get into future relationships, people tell me not to give up because someones out there for me, but then they say that you probably wont find her so soon because you are young and you have alot more mistakes to make, i just dont get why people continue to hurt themselves.
its like you know the coals are hott, why touch them again?

back and fourth and back and fourth......

maybe i just need a shrink. lol

While since I went through what you going through multiple times I can tell you that my biggest problem was myself. For one I'm completely stubborn and if I get something set in my head I believe(d) it and kept trying. You know the phrase holds true though, if you keep doing the same things over and over expecting a different result it only leads to insanity. Secondly I didn't take a step back and see what was really going on and I think that happens to most people, and will probably happen to me again at some point, to be perfectly honest. But when you get caught up in someone or a situation sometimes you can't see beyond it. I was actually just thinking this afternoon about some of the situations I've been and the advice that 30 year old me would have given 25 or 20 year old me. Then it hit me. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because I was so hard headed that I wouldn't have listened. Sometimes you have to live the experience and sometimes you have to live it multiple times before you realize what your doing isn't working and there's a better way.

[alizeblu]

While since I went through what you going through multiple times I can tell you that my biggest problem was myself. For one I'm completely stubborn and if I get something set in my head I believe(d) it and kept trying. You know the phrase holds true though, if you keep doing the same things over and over expecting a different result it only leads to insanity. Secondly I didn't take a step back and see what was really going on and I think that happens to most people, and will probably happen to me again at some point, to be perfectly honest. But when you get caught up in someone or a situation sometimes you can't see beyond it. I was actually just thinking this afternoon about some of the situations I've been and the advice that 30 year old me would have given 25 or 20 year old me. Then it hit me. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because I was so hard headed that I wouldn't have listened. Sometimes you have to live the experience and sometimes you have to live it multiple times before you realize what your doing isn't working and there's a better way.

I know right? I'm just too young to understand right now. That's why it'll never work until I'm older. My mind isint on point really, that's only because I'm too nieve. I just wish I could grow up faster, or yea like you said, get advice from an older me from the future, lol.

Sigh, I wish. Heh, the only thing to do now is just let it pass and maybe when I'm older something will click one day, who knows, maybe ill fall in love again... naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... lol

I don't know, maybe though. Lol can't tell the future, if I could id be rich though, lol.

Lifes funny that way... one minute you're crusing along, not a worry in the world, then just out of nowhere your whole world shatters.

Guess its lifes way of bringing us back to reality. Lol love has a tendency to give us wings lol

You know what I say to that! Go drink some redbull! Lol

Its a confusing time. If you cling on something it will pull away. So best thing is to get soemone who is worse than u ;] take it easy x

Lol very funny. Naa, I won't make that mistake 2wice, once is enough for me.

[chuff]

i know right? im just too young to understand right now. thats why itll never work until im older. my mind isint on point really, thats only because im too nieve. i just wish i could grow up faster, or yea like you said, get advice from an older me from the future, lol.

Whoa! I never said you couldn’t understand or were naïve, I said I was at your age. You have an advantage that I didn’t have and that is information and a willingness to learn. You keep coming back and you are posting some things that are a result of your emotions talking. And don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you shouldn’t be highly emotional right now given what’s happened recently in your life. I think you keep reaching out for some kind of answer but your emotions are sort of blocking it from getting to the logical part of your brain at this time. When those emotions die down I think you’ll have a better grasp at what we have been trying to express to you.

I didn’t have the internet 10 years ago, and I certainly would never have thought about using the net to seek out advice. You have that going for you, and you also keep coming back which tells me your searching……you may not like some of what your hearing or you may not even believe some of it, but your thinking about it. Just by doing that your already ahead of where I was and where most people are.

sigh, i wish. heh, the only thing to do now is just let it pass and maybe when im older something will click one day, who knows, maybe ill fall in love again............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... Lol

Trust me, when you least expect it some girl will probably slip into your life.

i dunno, maybe tho. lol can't tell the future, if i could id be rich tho, lol.

lifes funny that way....one minute youre jus crusing along, not a worry in the world, then just outta nowhere your whole world shatters.

That’s very true. That’s why I think you have to really sit back if you’ve had a good day and just appreciate it because some days will not be as good. But that’s not just with women either, you might have a job you like and get dismissed or downsized, or a relative will die, or you will lose a friend or something else. Life will have it’s moments where the world shatters around you but if you hold onto instead of learning from it and appreciating the life lesson you got from it then your repeat those mistakes over and over. But if when the world shatters you look for the good in the situation and learn from it you’ll be better prepared for the future because history does tend to repeat itself.

guess its lifes way of bringing us back to reality. lol love has a tendency to give us wings lol

you know what i say to that!? go drink some redbull! Lol

I drank 4 Red Bulls once when I hadn’t slept for about 28 hours. I was jumping around like crazy but the crash was horrible. That has nothing to do with you but since you brought Red Bull into this I thought I’d share my only real Red Bull story.

Keep and open mind and keep learning and you’ll being doing much better then most people in relationships. Also if your going to be rich like you said, you better really watch out because women will be all over you then……but will it be for you or your money?? See even money brings it’s own set of women’s issues.

[alizeblu]

To tell you the truth, with my kind of personality, ill probably end up rich and lonely, and no it won't be me that they love, it'll be the money. I'm pretty sure that its going to be the money. Lol

You know what though chuff, we spend our whole lifes searching for something, I just don't know what it is yet.

Maybe that's my problem too. Still haven't found what I'm searching for. Its not the perfect girl though. Cause I know they don't exist. I'm done with the searching for girl friends thing for a long time. You're right though. Some girls going to come strolling back into my life. But I don't think I'm going to let her in.

But I'm not emotional or anything, its just that I don't want to go through it again. Its just annoying to me, I hate making the same mistake over and over. It's the reapettitiveness that gets me.

And I know if I let another woman into my life the same things going to happen again.

I don't know. My whole perspectives probably completely wrong anyway, cause I'm still young. I just don't know. What in the world are we searching for? What am I searching for?

[chuff]

to tell you the truth, with my kind of personality, ill probably end up rich and lonley, and no it wont be me that they love, itll be the money. im pretty sure that its gonna be the money. lol

No woman would ever use a guy for money! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

you know what tho chuff, we spend our whole lifes searching for somthing, i just dont know what it is yet.

Neither do I. It changes with time, what I wanted 10 years ago was not the same as what I want now and what I want 10 years from now will probably be different. But that's kind of cool too because it allows you to explore various options.

maybe thats my problem too. still havent found what im searching for. its not the perfect girl though. cause i know they dont exist. im done with the searching for girl friends thing for a long time. youre right though. some girls gonna come strolling back into my life. but i dont think im gonna let her in.

Trust me, I've been where you are and you will eventually. And you'll fight it at first which will only make her try harder. Eventually you'll cave and start liking her and really get into her then she'll leave. Well that's what always happens to me.

So learn from that and allow yourself to like future women but also be sure to like yourself more. That's not selfish it's protection for yourself and it allows you to have strength and power in the relationship instead of giving it all to her.

but im not emotional or anything, its just that i dont wanna go thru it again. its just annoying to me, i hate making the same mistake over and over. its the reapettitiveness that gets me.

and i know if i let another woman into my life the same things gonna happen again.

But that's what I guess I'm trying to say. If you get some knowledge and self awareness before you enter the relationships of the future you might not make those mistakes. If you do make the mistakes you'll know right away and not repeat them.

idk. my whole perspectives probably completly wrong ne wayz, cause im still young. i just dont know. what in the world are we searching for? what am i searching for?

I can't help you with what your searching for. Sometimes I don't know what I'm searching for but I just try to keep an open mind and allow positive information to come into my life.

[alizeblu]

UPDATE: lol guess what?

I went back to her house to get my stuff, and she started bawling! Like she's just now starting to relize what she lost. While I was getting all of my stuff she just kept appoligizing to me, and I ignored her, I just got my stuff and walked away.

Heh, sadly I want to give it all back to her, but no. I cant, and I won't, I got to stay in the right state of mind.

[texxxas]

You do sound like you're sincerely sorry, glad you learned your mistake of being an @$$ to her, anyway, give her time and space, if she comes back, cool, if not then take what you learned with your relationship with her and apply it to another girl, seriously, girls can only take so much before they can't take anymore, good luck, if you get her back, be good to her

[chuff]

UPDATE: lol guess what?

i went back to her house to get my stuff, and she started bawling! like shes just now starting to relize what she lost. while i was getting all of my stuff she just kept appoligizing to me, and i ignored her, i just got my stuff and walked away.

heh, sadly i wanna give it all back to her, but no. i cant, and i wont, i gotta stay in the right state of mind.

Exactly. You did everything right! You didn't get emotional in any way, happy or hurt, you didn't start a shouting match, you didn't cry when she cried, you didn't accept or reject her apology, and you didn't act arrogant. I guarantee when you left she was more confused then ever because after 4 years she thought she had you figured out and would react to her emotional states. Not this time. Alizeblu, congrads you turned the tables on her.

[Kriscool]

There are so many posts so I haven't read them.

But here is what I think, you saod she hurt you so many times. Man, let her go. Try to be just friends But if that doesn't move on!! I know its hard and I'm sorry but like you said you can't dwell in the past.

Kriscool

REPUTATION PLEASE!!

[chuff]

The above rep was meant to be a disagree. Alizeblu came here a month ago and has made great srides since then. When he first came here he was emotionally hurt, and seeking anything in terms of advice. To be honest, he seemed like a younger version of myself, with one exception that I noticed early. He was willing to learn where I was willing to repeat my mistakes like a complete fool for my entire 20's. I've personally spent hours answering questions here and in other posts by Alizeblu. I did it to help a fellow guy, who in his heart and mind did what he thought was right and got screwed over in the end.

Alizeblu didn't like a lot of what he was being told at first and many of his first statements are based in emotion with little logic. But he kept coming back. He wanted to learn. He wanted to better himself. And he did. He's now branching out into other posts, offering help and incite. He's not over what happened with his ex but as you can see by his last post he's farther along then she is and farther along then he was a month ago.

Alizeblu, as emotional as some of his posts are has something at this time that you kriscool don't have, but you can get if you truly want it. The willingness to learn and the willingness to help others here at this site, for the betterment of them which in turn will better himself in the future as he truly builds a inner core based strength and disipline not on reputation points.

[Kriscool]

Ok I get it, DON'T LISTEN TO ME OK...

I'll go to a different question...


Kriscool