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ifitoldyou · Feb 28, 2007, 11:21 PM

I've recently been talking to a guy that I work with who is a couple years my senior. I've learned we have a lot in common, even having the same unusual sense of humor; we seem to really "get" each other. We're always trying to make each other laugh or smile and whenever we've succeeded, we always high five. In the past few weeks he has been very open with me, disclosing very personal details of his life - very personal things that I probably wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with someone that I haven't known for too long. He's pretty friendly though to most people we work with (though he doesn't like my best friends at work), but I don't think he opens up to them.

How does he see me? Does he see me simply as a friend, a "little sister" or more? What does his self-disclosure suggest?

Any thoughts or ideas are welcome. Thank you!

kp2171 · Feb 28, 2007, 11:27 PM

Too hard to know from this.

Seems to connect with you... but that could just be as a friend/little sister... I don't think you can read anymore into this than he is comfortable enough with you to confide in you.

Beyond that, you'll have to see if he continues to push the relationship further.

Are you potentially interested, if that's what he might want?

ifitoldyou · Feb 28, 2007, 11:33 PM

I am very much interested, but since I am not sure how he sees me, I'm waiting to tell him how I feel.

Ria100 · Feb 28, 2007, 11:56 PM

Then wait and take your own sweet time. Not to discourage you - but you really don't want to end up a situation where just because you are nice ( you sound nice) - some guy ends up takin' advantage of you... you don't want a one night stand... and if you really like him - hang in there. Just observe. His actions will tell you... more than his words. Words are all just fluff...

kp2171 · Mar 1, 2007, 09:59 AM

My wife and I were co-workers before we dated or married. I thought she liked me, she thought I liked her. I knew she was dating someone, but didn't know that it was on the downhill slide. She was also a supervisor... I wasn't a direct report, but it was one more thing to get in the way.

We strted by finding ways top be around each other more. Played on the business softball team. Went out after work with some friends from work for a drink and company. Occasionally grabbed lunch together and talked.

In a short time we could both tell the other was interested.

Dating at work can be problematic. There is also a decent percentage of workplace relationships that become serious. I can't remember the #s from a study I read, but its significant enough that one shouldn't just paint all workplace relationships as bad ideas. Yes, they can be distracting, especially if it goes bad. Something you need to consider. I ended up leaving my job when it became clear that we were going to be serious (after dating secretly) as it might have been seen as inappropriate, since I did occasionally work with her and she was a manager.

So... I'm afraid we can't tell you what to do. You like him enough to be curious. He's opened up a line of dialogue that you interpret as being quite open.

Id say try to take lunch with him sometime. You can probably steer the conversation toward his personal life, maybe things you don't know like where he's from, schooling, siblings, etc... even talking about things like where you would like to vacation can easily be led into more personal talk.

The other issue, it seems, is your friends that he doesn't like. May not be a huge issue... the friends my wife had and that I had at work were not in the same circles, and even after I left it wasn't as issue. She's not a fan of a friend I see from time to time... so she doesn't have to spend time with him. Pretty simple.