[kitty-kat19]

I'm a little confused and would like a clarification on a guy's actions... For the past 4 years I've had an on again off again, friends with benefits/casual sex thing going on with a guy.
We sat and talked for a while, then well... we had sex... then he grabbed my hand, and kissed it (that's a first) and then after I laid my head in his lap and we talked for a while... this was a big first, so I asked if I was hurting him (wanted to give him an easy out) but he said no that I was fine... then when I went to drop him off, I went to give him a hug (I always do that) but he kissed me on the mouth and on my neck as well...
I didn't text him the day after (Thursday) but I sent him one Friday... a generic text that I sent to a few other people as well... and he replied “hey” so of course I reiterated ''what's up” and nothing.

[Fr_Chuck]

Most likely he is in a relationship and does not want to be caught

You are sex, now and then , that is it, why do you expect more ?
Or he has a new 16 year old to have sex with in he car for fun, and you were just OK when nothing else is there to do.

[kitty-kat19]

Ok, here's the thing, I'm not socially inclined. I don't understand social cues, and in being honest I tend to make the mistakes of offending people.
And in case you missed the 'friends with benifits' term, I want to put some emphasis on friends!
That being said...
Do I expect more? No I don't.
Do I want more? No I don't.
I like the way things work with him, I was explaining that maybe it's not just sex, that there is enough friendship in there to make it different and possibily for me to be treated different than just some girl. I didn't understand the differences in this time verses the times before... what those specific actions mean.

And one more thing Fr chuck, what is your problem?

[JudyKayTee]

You are out of line - FrChuck doesn't have a problem. You do. That's why you are posting here.

You want to be treated diffently than "some other girl"? So you DO want this to be more than friends with benefits?

I'll quote you - "If you have to ask you already know the answer." https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ex-146770.html

[kitty-kat19]

Apparently there needs to be some clarifications so here goes:
I understand that you'rve giving your opinions, but you're not answering my questions, and the answers you're giving... they're well, kind of snarky. He could have a girlfriend, people lie. You're right, I'm sex now and then and he's the same thing, but we're friends as well. When we're around each other we're each other's wailing wall... someone that the other person can talk to without fear of judgement, resentment, or the entire town knowing about it the next day... we've always been that way- ever since we were fourteen... and seeing as he's not stupid I doubt he's screwing around with a sixteen year old- he knows better. I do expect more than to be a one-night stand, that is what I meant by "some other girl" but I don't expect a relationship and right now I don't want one at all.

Next; what does my answer to a post in 2007 about a girl having sex for the first time have to do with what I asked? If I have to ask I already know... I could guess but that kind of defeats the purpose of asking for advice.

Lastly; no I'm not out of line, I'm within my rights to ask what someone's problem is when I feel that they're being rude or snarky. You don't know the entire circumstances or our friendship that's 14 years of history that you'd probably never understand- I gave you a general over view all I wanted to know was what it means when a guy acts affectionate like that and why... and what could cause a guy to go from affectionate to noncommental.

I am sorry that you feel I'm out of line, but here's the thing, if I am then so are you. I ask for help and you put me down. How is that not out of line?

[JudyKayTee]

You are where you've been. Not the least bit unusual to look at past history.

You told that person if she had to post on AMHD she already knew. Take your own advice.

You ARE out of line when you are rude and instulting. You could have asked FrChuck why he answered the way he did. You chose not to do that.

Rude and snarky? I see nothing rude and snarky in this thread. If you do, report it to the Mods.

I don't know what noncommental means - not having a comment?

What?

[kitty-kat19]

I know where I've been, but I wasn't asking about should I or shouldn't I... so let me reiterate that the circumstances are completely different, she was asking whether she should have sex with someone, which is not even close to what I'm asking.

Second of all, we can argue all night about the proper response but the truth is that we're not going to agree. I will conceede that you're right maybe I should have asked why he responded the way he did, but instead I decided to ask what his problem was, because of the way he answered it was pretty obvious that there was one, however I don't see that it was your place to scold me about it.

And that's exactly what noncomenntal means... not talking... silence... no comment.

[kitty-kat19]

Ok, I'm tired of arguing so here goes.
@FrChuck, I'm sorry I offended you by asking you what your problem was, I could have found a better way to phrase it, I felt as though you were judging me and being kind of snarky about the situation... which everyone's entitled to their own opinions but maybe you could have found a better way to convey that message rather that insinuate that my friend whose 22 is having sex with a 16 year old... or to try to make me feel cheap, even if that's what you think.

@JudyKayTee; maybe you didn't find anything rude or snarky from yourself but I did, the same way you thought that I was rude to FrChuck. Maybe you were just doing whtat you thought was right, but you could have found a nicer way to phrase things too... which is kind of the issue I have with being scolded. Don't scold me for something that you turn around and do yourself.

[JudyKayTee]

i know where i've been, but i wasn't asking about should i or shouldn't i...so let me reiterate that the circumstances are completly different, she was asking whether or not she should have sex with someone, which is not even close to what i'm asking.

second of all, we can argue all night about the proper response but the truth is that we're not going to agree. I will conceede that you're right maybe i should have asked why he responded the way he did, but instead i decided to ask what his problem was, because of the way he answered it was pretty obvious that there was one, however i dont see that it was your place to scold me about it.

And that's exactly what noncomenntal means...not talking...silence...no comment.

From what I can tell - and I was an English major - noncommental is not a word.

At any rate, we are never going to agree and, quite frankly, I'm bored with this.

[Wondergirl]

Let's go back to the question on the table. Kitty-kat, do I have this right? For four years you have had a FWB relationship with a guy. Recently, he crossed the FWB boundaries and reached out to you with affection, and you replied in kind. Yet, a subsequent text exchange with him did not yield any evidence of this. Now you are wondering if there is more to the relationship than merely FWB.

Is this your question?

[kitty-kat19]

Yes that's my question! Thank you for understanding!

[Wondergirl]

Is he in a relationship with someone else while he is your FWB?

[kitty-kat19]

Not that I know of, he could be lying of course, but as far as I can tell no he doesn't.

[Wondergirl]

Sex is the first gain. What is his secondary gain in the FWB relationship (do you think)? What is yours?

[kitty-kat19]

Mine is having that... wailing wall; someone to vent to, someone to talk to, someone that I can say anything to and not have to fear judgement or having the whole town find out what's going on in my head. Someone who likes being around me for who I am... despite my flaws.
His? Well... I can't speak for him, but I listen to him as well... things that are on his mind... worries. I calm him down when he's angry and listen when he's upset... He can trust me.

[Wondergirl]

How did this relationship begin?

How much time do you spend with each other at each encounter?

[kitty-kat19]

I met him through a friend of a friend kind of thing... didn't pay too much attention to him at first, was just polite and then we started talking a little and interacting more... then One night, we both needed to get away from the drama so I hopped in the truck with him... we talked for a while... and one thing led to another.

On average... anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours... depending sometimes longer, it just depends on what else is going on... We go through periods where we don't talk... like when my phone got shut off... but apparently he did ask around about me.

[Wondergirl]

How often do you meet?

Do you have any social dealings with each other otherwise?

[Wondergirl]

Thanks for answering my questions. I wanted to get a handle on the physical and emotional situation and relationship, so thanks for providing that. I have a proposition for you to consider.

[kitty-kat19]

We just got back in contact with each other after about a year, before that about every weekend (no it wasn't always meeting up to hook up either)...

And we have in the past, group of friends hanging out at the bowling alley (hang out spot where I live)... that's how we met. And we'd spend time there not usually intentionally though(at least it wasn't to my knowledge... but sometimes he'd go over there talk to just me and then leave)... playing pool mostly. Occasionally driving around with a couple other people.

And what's your proposition for me to conisder?