[rblack72]

Teenage Daughter Failed 11th grade I need advice

Hello Everyone!
This is my first time on this message board. I have a daughter who is 16. She is my only child. For a long time I was a single parent until she was 13. We now have a blended family, but only one of his daughters lives with us, the youngest.

We recently started going to a counselor together.
Since high school my daughter has changed A LOT. She is now in 11th grade. In 9th and 10th she barley got by. Her grades were low and she had behavior issues such as: sleeping in class, talking, passing notes. Well this year her Father and I really got more involved in her school by attending conferences with the teachers. Emailing teachers, and visiting the Vice Principal on several occasions. As soon as we seen her grades were poor we tried to nip it in the bud.

She promised to improve her grades and get serious with school. As time passed the grades were poor as well as her attitude and disrespectful ways. Her father and I talked to her, got her after school tutoring and nothing helped. She was also punished, but it didn’t seem to faze her.

When we questioned her and tried to get to the bottom of things she would use excuses like: the teachers don’t like me, it’s too hard. Even though she keep saying it was hard she put little to no effort in trying.

Recently we had a session with the counselor (Just my daughter and me) and we got on the subject of her passing school. I told the counselor that if she didn’t pass this year she will be held back that her father and I will not pay and take her to summer school, because she is not trying at all. The counselor told us that I would be making a mistake and I don’t want her held back. She would hold it against me and it’s my job to take her. I told her that I disagree and she needs to be responsible for her actions and this would be a wake up call for her. She disagreed and told me her feelings that I was making a mistake, and what she would do IN FRONT of my daughter.

Up until that session last week I had my mind make up to NOT take her to summer school. Now I am confused and don’t know if I am doing the right thing.
We told her if she doesn’t pass we will not pay and take her to summer school.

Needless to say I just got a letter from the school she failed 3 CLASSES!
Each class is $200 dollars. It’s Monday through Friday and I work full time I don’t know how I would get her back and forth and I would have to go into the savings for her future to pay for it.

What should I do and why? How will it benefit her? I really look forward to hearing advice and what you guys have to say about this because I am on the fence and I want to do the right thing for her and I want to teach her.

[harmonization]

You know what you do? You make her work FUN. Kids love fun! If you add fun to her homework and tutoring sessions, then she might think of learning as fun! Take what your daughter likes to do and mix it with schoolwork. It'll make her think of work as positive!

[cbunny20]

If she is 16 she is old enough to know these things. When iwas 12 to 16 I did the same thing. I did it for attention. Your daughter is upset about something that is lowering her selfasteam and making her act out. Try talking to one on one. Spend the day with just her doing something fun and talk about the situation. But if she doesn't want to try than don't pay for it becauae she probably won't try to pass that either it would be a waste of money.

[cbunny20]

Sory I'm typing on my phone lol

[Wondergirl]

What is your daughter saying?

[Fr_Chuck]

First I will address a question not asked, I would ask for an appointment to see the counselor and the principal about the counselor being out of line talking in front of your daughter about you being wrong. She may disagree but should not have called your wrong, perhaps called something a "better option"

Kids fail, in today's society, they like to stop making the kids accountable and it hurts a schools records and even funding to have too many kids fail, so yes the school wants to keep passing them and of course they want that extra money from you for the summer.

I think many things need to be looked at.
1. sleeping in class, is she getting sleep, what is her bed time, is it enforced and I mean every night, too many times too many exceptions are made. Next is she going to sleep or is she staying up texting on phones, computer or more. Things like computers need to be out of the room and cell phones on charges in a center location. I know too many kids going to bed at 9 pm but still up at 2 am texting.

2. drugs, sorry got to say it, have you been doing any testing to see if she is using any drugs with friends.

3, Friends, in places like inner city Atlanta, there is peer pressure to do bad, you don't want to look like the nerd, your friends are are failing or doing bad, so you do bad to fit in.

4. Bullies, is she being bullied and not talking about it.

5. Just behind, if she was bearly making it, last two years, perhaps she is really just so far behind that she just really does not have what she needs to even pass this year. I have really seen kids in 11th and 12th grade that could not read at a 6th grade level, and math was at maybe 5th grade. Some how they just keep getting passed.

[LadyToni]

I'm a tutor and I see students from public schools that don't know what they should for their grade. At first I thought it was the kids but with so many I'm thinking that it may be that there are too many kids for anyone teacher to work with. Look into a tutor instead of summer school; after all if she didn't get it with the teacher all year is sending her for more of the same really going to work? More often than not it is attention and when kids get some they start to do better. If she has been told by her teachers that she can't, she may have started to believe that. Is it possible to do an alternate schooling experience for your daughter? A good tutor should be able to find out what her learning style is and give her the tools to work the problems out for herself in the future.