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biba1983 · Jun 10, 2012, 07:09 AM

I been with my boyfriend two months, we both are so happy get on really well. The problem is we haven't had sex.
We both in our 20's. I have spoke to him about this quite a few times and have had answers such as: his had things on his mind, which we delt with. He didn't want to just have sex straight away like his done in the past
He has stopped me a few times and told me later but then when it comes to later nothing happens.
I don't know what to think or do anymore as it just not making any sense to me

JudyKayTee · Jun 10, 2012, 07:28 AM

Maybe it's for religious reasons; maybe he's been burned in the past when the relationship turns sexual too quickly; maybe he likes you as a friend but not as a sexual partner.

You've been "with" him for 2 months. Ask him straight out - tell him what you've told "us."

ScottGem · Jun 10, 2012, 07:33 AM

Wow a whole TWO months! Sex is not a recreational sport. Its something to be shared between two people who are in a long term committed relationship. I suspect your boyfriend understands this and your pushing it may be cheapening you in his eyes.

You need to work on the relationship first, not jump into bed!

Alaa1990 · Jun 10, 2012, 07:36 AM

Hi :) I personally think that sometimes Sex might ruin the relationship because sometimes any couple might find themselves in a relationship just for having sex and nothing more, maybe your boyfriend is in love with you and he might be scared of reaching that level, but if you really feel like having sex with your boyfriend because you really do love him and feel like sharing it with him, then you should sit with him another time and be more serious about it .

Best of luck

JudyKayTee · Jun 11, 2012, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by Alaa1990

Hi :) I personally think that sometimes Sex might ruin the relationship because sometimes any couple might find them selves in a relationship just for having sex and nothing more, maybe your boyfriend is in love with you and he might be scared of reaching that level, but if you really feel like having sex with your boyfriend because you really do love him and feel like sharing it with him, then you should sit with him another time and be more serious about it .

Best of luck

You are recommending that the relationship turn sexual after 2 months? You did read the relationship has changed for some reason, right?

slapshot_oi · Jun 11, 2012, 04:27 PM

Originally Posted by biba1983

I dont know what to think or do anymore as it just not making any sense to me.

My gut is telling me he's not confident in his performance and he's afraid you'll judge him. He could be a virgin. He also could have had sex a handful of times, and the last time was ages ago, so, he feels he's out of practice.

If what I predict is actually the case, then you need to be the dominant one in the bedroom. That will take the pressure off him.

Alty · Jun 11, 2012, 04:44 PM

Maybe he's afraid of becoming a father. An unwanted pregnancy is always a possibility any time you have sex, even if you're on birth control.

You've only known each other for 2 months. Maybe he's not sure if he wants to father a child with you, so it's best to keep the bullets in the gun until he's sure, and financially capable.

Bottom line, at 2 months, sex shouldn't be a factor. If that's all you're interested in, then find someone that's willing to put out. If you want a long term relationship then talk to him, get to know him, and put in the time. Sounds like he's playing it safe and smart, and not just "sticking it in" because he's horny and you're available. To me that says he's a keeper.

joypulv · Jun 11, 2012, 06:03 PM

It sounds like you are confronting him bluntly. Try for more finesse, more indirectness, more gentleness, and a LOT more patience. Maybe your advances are a turn off. Ask for an occasional massage, your hair brushed, snuggle as you watch TV. But if this goes on past some stage that makes you wish for a different relationship, then it's time to find someone else. Maybe he's gay or struggling with it. Some communication should be direct but this is not one of them. Subtlety is needed.

blagosphere · Jun 14, 2012, 12:45 PM

If a man were asking this question about his girlfriend declining sex after only two months of dating, all of the responses below would be calling the OP a pig with only one thing on his mind. Respect is respect is respect. He has his reasons, and you need to respect those reasons, no matter what they are. If you are unhappy waiting for sex, I can guarantee you there are plenty of people who will readily drop their drawers for you in a moment's notice. If you love him enough to be patient, this relationship will be much stronger for it.

ScottGem · Jun 14, 2012, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by blagosphere

If a man were asking this question about his girlfriend declining sex after only two months of dating, all of the responses below would be calling the OP a pig with only one thing on his mind.

I beg to differ. While we weren't quite as crude, the answers pretty much had the same meaning.

JudyKayTee · Jun 14, 2012, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by blagosphere

If a man were asking this question about his girlfriend declining sex after only two months of dating, all of the responses below would be calling the OP a pig with only one thing on his mind. Respect is respect is respect. He has his reasons, and you need to respect those reasons, no matter what they are. If you are unhappy waiting for sex, I can guarantee you there are plenty of people who will readily drop their drawers for you in a moment's notice. If you love him enough to be patient, this relationship will be much stronger for it.

Please don't attempt to think or speak for me. You have no idea what I would think or say were the circumstances reversed.

"Drop their drawers?" This is not a chat room. Or don't you know any more appropriate language?

flatstanley · Jun 15, 2012, 02:16 PM

I think it's pretty clear this guy is gay. Been there, done that.

JudyKayTee · Jun 15, 2012, 02:39 PM

I don't think it's wise to assume that all men who don't want/have sex outside of marriage are gay.

Maybe that's your experience, but I don't think you can speak for all the other reasons a couple doesn't have sex.

ScottGem · Jun 15, 2012, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by flatstanley

I think it's pretty clear this guy is gay. Been there, done that.

I don't think its at all clear and find your making this remark to be homophobic and hateful.

Alty · Jun 15, 2012, 04:25 PM

Originally Posted by flatstanley

I think it's pretty clear this guy is gay. Been there, done that.

Good job (sarcasm). You've posted one post on this site and managed to ostracize pretty much everyone that posts here. Not a great start. :(

flatstanley · Jun 16, 2012, 03:49 PM

Wow, sorry. I can't think of another reason a man wouldn't want to have sex with a woman he really likes and has been dating for two months. The only other possibilities I could think of are--

1) he's a virgin and is scared it will be obvious
2) he has herpes or another STD and doesn't want to tell her until they've known each other longer
3) he has a micropenis or some sexual performance issue
4) he's sleeping with someone else and doesn't want to expose her to possible disease

I'm not trying to be snarky here... I have been doing a lot of reading lately on men who are gay and can't admit it even to themselves, and one thing that is universally true of such men is that they will try to postpone/avoid intercourse for as long as possible. So I think this person needs to consider that her boyfriend might be gay (and not know it).

I'm not a homophobe at all... I have lots of gay friends and I am a strong supporter of marriage equality. But, did you know 4 million women in the U.S. are married to gay men right now and don't know it? These men are ruining women's lives because they are unable to face who they really are. I would hate for the original poster to end up in the same situation.

Whether this guy is gay or not, he's not as into sex as she is, and that's a recipe for her feeling undesirable and rejected, forever. Who needs that?